Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

Limimal Space is the time between the past and the future; a place of transition, waiting, not knowing.  The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. Liminal space is where transformation takes place if we choose to wait and allow ourselves to be transformed.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about liminal space as I reflect upon the many transitions in my life and as I currently sit in this space, trying to embrace the uncertainty of change, being neither in the past nor the future. As I have physically transitioned from Seattle to LA and back to Seattle over the last two years, I have been sitting in this space of neither here nor there. These two years have been two of the most challenging, yet richest and most inspiring years, as I have grown and expanded and tested my wings. I have often turned to Pema Chodron and her wisdom on sitting in uncertainty. Here are a few of her thoughts on the subject that have been my companion lately.

What keeps us unhappy and stuck in a limited view of reality is our tendency to seek pleasure and avoid pain, to seek security and avoid discomfort. This is how we keep ourselves enclosed in a cocoon. Out there are all the planets and all the galaxies and vast space, but we’re stuck here in this cocoon. Moment after moment, we’re deciding that we would rather stay in that cocoon than step out into that big space. Life in our cocoon is cozy and secure. We’ve gotten it all together. It’s safe, it’s predictable, it’s convenient, and it’s trustworthy. If we fell ill at ease, we just fill in those gaps.

Our mind is always seeking zones of safety. We’re in this zone of safety and that’s what we consider life, getting it all together, security. Death is losing that. We fear losing our illusion of security-that’s what makes us anxious. We fear being confused and not knowing which way to turn. We want to know what’s happening. The mind is always seeking zones of safety, and these zones of safety are continually falling apart. Then we scramble to get another zone of safety back together again. We spend all our energy and waste our lives trying to re-create these zones of safety, which are always falling apart.  That’s the essence of samsara – the cycle of suffering that comes from continuing to seek happiness in all the wrong places.

                                    ~ Pema Chodron, Comfortable with Uncertainty

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

The Peter Attia Drive:

Expert insight on health, performance, longevity, critical thinking, and pursuing excellence. Dr. Peter Attia (Stanford/Hopkins/NIH-trained MD) talks with leaders in their fields.

Episodes #47, #48 and #49 – On the importance of sleep.

Ironically, I listened to this podcast while taking a red-eye flight to the East Coast for a workshop. What drew me to this podcast, in addition to the recommendation from my husband, was the combination of my interest in science and emotional intelligence. As someone who prides herself on doing more by sleeping less, this was a real eye-opener, pardon the pun.  I am rethinking my attitude towards sleeping and trying to re-prioritize to make sure I am getting enough zzzz’s.

#47 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part I of III: Dangers of poor sleep, Alzheimer’s risk, mental health, memory consolidation, and more.

In part 1 of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, describes the different stages and cycles of sleep, including what he calls the 4 pillars of sleep, and how they contribute to memory consolidation and numerous important pathways to mental health. We also get into the dangers of chronic sleep deprivation, such as the development of dementia, and the more acute dangers of sleep deprivation like fatal car crashes which are most often caused by drowsy driving. We also discuss the different and important roles of REM vs. non-REM sleep, and the impact that bad sleep habits can have specifically on those sleep stages.

#48 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part II of III: Heart disease, cancr, sexual function, and the causes of sleep disruption (and tips to correct it)

In part 2 of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, describes the preponderance of evidence linking poor sleep to cardiovascular disease, cancer and sexual function. He also details the impact of cortisol on our nervous system contributing to sleep disturbances and insomnia as well as the efficacy and risks associated with the most common sleeping pills. Matthew also describes the sleep needs of teenagers and urgently lays the case that we should reconsider school start times. We also get into the effect of electronics at night, the efficacy of napping, the general impact of modern society on our sleep habits, and what changes we can make to course correct.

#49 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D. on sleep – Part III of III: The penetrating effects of poor sleep from metabolism to performance to genetics, and the impact of caffeine, alcohol, THC, and CBD on sleep

In the final part of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, discusses the omnipresent effects of insufficient sleep on everything from metabolism, appetite, athletic performance, decision-making, productivity, leadership, mental health, genetics, memory, and more. We also discuss the impact of caffeine and alcohol on sleep quality, the efficacy of sleep aids such as THC and CBD, and much more.

Book I’m Reading:

The Singing Neanderthals: The Origins of Music, Language, Mind, and Body by Steven Mithen

The propensity to make music is the most mysterious, wonderful, and neglected feature of humankind: this is where Steven Mithen began, drawing together strands from archaeology, anthropology, psychology, neuroscience–and, of course, musicology–to explain why we are so compelled to make and hear music. But music could not be explained without addressing language, and could not be accounted for without understanding the evolution of the human body and mind. Thus Mithen arrived at the wildly ambitious project that unfolds in this book: an exploration of music as a fundamental aspect of the human condition, encoded into the human genome during the evolutionary history of our species.

Music is the language of emotion, common wisdom tells us. In The Singing Neanderthals, Mithen introduces us to the science that might support such popular notions. With equal parts scientific rigor and charm, he marshals current evidence about social organization, tool and weapon technologies, hunting and scavenging strategies, habits and brain capacity of all our hominid ancestors, from australopithecines to Homo erectus, Homo heidelbergensis and Neanderthals to Homo sapiens–and comes up with a scenario for a shared musical and linguistic heritage. Along the way he weaves a tapestry of cognitive and expressive worlds–alive with vocalized sound, communal mimicry, sexual display, and rhythmic movement–of various species.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

On criticism, “The difference lay in what they believed. If the criticism aligned with a belief they held about themselves, it hurt like hell and stopped them in their tracks. But if they believed something different about themselves, they could simply ignore the feedback or, when appropriate, incorporate what was useful about it and move on.

Since the criticism that most hurts us mirrors a negative belief we hold about ourselves, often what feels like a problem with painful criticism is really a problem with what we believe about ourselves.”

                                                                        ~Tara Mohr, Playing Big

Consider a criticism you received that really stung. How does this criticism reflect a negative belief you hold about yourself, or something you fear may be true about yourself?

Where does this belief come from?  What experiences and messaging have served to support this belief? Is this belief really true or has it been inadvertently given to you?  How might you let go of beliefs no longer serving you? How might you reframe this belief about yourself to be more empowering?

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

Father Richard Rohr: Finding Your True Self

Contemporary theologian and author Father Richard Rohr discusses how we can reconnect to our true self by overcoming the many ways in which our ego blocks our path. A Franciscan priest for more than 40 years and founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, NM, Father Richard has firsthand understanding of how silence and meditation, deeper spiritual intuition and the inherent experience of love can lad to transformational discoveries within oneself. According to Father Richard, within each of us lies the true self and the false self. The true self, he says, is what religion often calls the soul – your eternal essence. The false self is the persona you create for yourself. Father Richard believes your goal in life is to find and manifest your true self.

What I gained from this podcast was a new appreciation from his view on Fear vs. Connection, and the idea he presents that the ego keeps us separate and superior as opposed to connected and a part of community. I also appreciated his thoughts on suffering, particularly the idea that suffering can either be transmitted to others or can be used to bring transformation.  With that, have a listen!

Book I’m Re-Reading:

I have a passion for EQ and this book is easy to read, to the point, and has great and practical strategies for increasing your emotional intelligence.  Whether this is your first introduction to EQ or just a refresher, there is always something new or a good point for refreshment from this book.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

In today’s fast-paced world of competitive workplaces and turbulent economic conditions, each of us is searching for effective tools that can help us to manage, adapt, and strike out ahead of the pack.

By now, emotional intelligence (EQ) needs little introduction—it’s no secret that EQ is critical to your success. But knowing what EQ is and knowing how to use it to improve your life are two very different things.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 delivers a step-by-step program for increasing your EQ via four, core EQ skills that enable you to achieve your fullest potential:

1) Self-Awareness
2) Self-Management
3) Social Awareness
4) Relationship Management

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a book with a single purpose—increasing your EQ.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. 

                                                                                             ~ Carl Jung

I’ve been thinking a great deal about what causes some people to change and others to stay stuck or the same.  What makes people different that allows some to experience hardship and use the experience to move forward and thrive, rather than keeping them down, stuck in the cycle, unable to better their circumstances?

What is your self-narrative?  How do you tell your story? Do you get stuck in the cycle of blame or do you take personal responsibility and create forward action, owning what you can change and working to make change happen? How do you make the “unconscious conscious” and become the director of your life?  What has shaped you and your view on resiliency? How do we become agents of change and be the change we want to see?

Podcast I’m Listening To:

 The Drive: #12 – Corey McCarthy: Overcoming trauma, dealing with shame, finding meaning, changing the self-narrative, redemption, and the importance of gratitude

Corey and Peter met when they visited North Kern State Prison in California together as volunteers for Defy Ventures. Peter was moved by Corey’s remarkable story, who is a former inmate himself, and realized he had to have him on his podcast to share his experiences with a wider audience. You’ll almost assuredly take away something very important from listening to this episode. Understanding how your experiences can define you, what forgiveness means of both yourself and others, and how good people can do bad things, are just a few of the takeaways.

Video for Thought:

Brené Brown on Blame

You are probably a bit of a blamer – most of us are. But why should we give it up? In this witty sequel to our most watched RSA Short, inspirational thinker Brené Brown considers why we blame others, how it sabotages our relationships, and why we desperately need to move beyond this toxic behavior.

 

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.”

–George Herbert

Book I’m Reading:

I recently had the fabulous opportunity to hear Melinda Gates speak about her journey and the lessons she has learned along the way as she debuted her new book here in LA.  I am excited to finish reading her story.

The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World by Melinda Gates

A debut from Melinda Gates, a timely and necessary call to action for women’s empowerment.

“How can we summon a moment of lift for human beings – and especially for women? Because when you lift up women, you lift up humanity.”

For the last twenty years, Melinda Gates has been on a mission to find solutions for people with the most urgent needs, wherever they live. Throughout this journey, one thing has become increasingly clear to her: If you want to lift a society up, you need to stop keeping women down.

In this moving and compelling book, Melinda shares lessons she’s learned from the inspiring people she’s met during her work and travels around the world. As she writes in the introduction, “That is why I had to write this book—to share the stories of people who have given focus and urgency to my life. I want all of us to see ways we can lift women up where we live.”

Melinda’s unforgettable narrative is backed by startling data as she presents the issues that most need our attention—from child marriage to lack of access to contraceptives to gender inequity in the workplace. And, for the first time, she writes about her personal life and the road to equality in her own marriage. Throughout, she shows how there has never been more opportunity to change the world—and ourselves.

Writing with emotion, candor, and grace, she introduces us to remarkable women and shows the power of connecting with one another.

When we lift others up, they lift us up, too.

Podcast I’m Listening To:

Tara Brach (Author or Radical Acceptance)

Taking Refuge from January 6, 2010

The Buddha taught three archetypal domains in which we awaken presence and realize freedom. In contrast to our habitual false refuges, these gateways of true refuge are dependable because they express the timeless truth of what we are. This talk shines a light on false refuges, guides us in exploring the meaning of each of the three Buddhist refuges and ends in a ritual of “taking refuge.”

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

“There is an old saying that consciousness is like a container of water. If you take a tablespoon of salt and place it in a small container, say, the size of an espresso cup, the water most certainly will be too salty to drink. But if your container is much larger – say it is capable of holding many, many gallons of water – that same tablespoon of salt, now placed into this vast amount of liquid, will taste fresh. Same water, same salt; simply a different ratio, and the experience of drinking is totally different.

Consciousness is like that. When we learn to cultivate our capacity for being aware, the quality of our life and the strength of our mind are enhanced.”

~ AWARE by Daniel J. Siegel, MD, p. 5

Book I’m Reading:

AWARE: The Science and Practice of Presence by Daniel J. Siegel, MD

Aware provides practical instruction for mastering the Wheel of Awareness, a life-changing tool for cultivating more focus, presence, and peace in one’s day-to-day life.

An in-depth look at the science that underlies meditation’s effectiveness, this book teaches readers how to harness the power of the principle “Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows.” Siegel reveals how developing a Wheel of Awareness practice to focus attention, open awareness, and cultivate kind intention can literally help you grow a healthier brain and reduce fear, anxiety, and stress in your life.

Whether you have no experience with a reflective practice or are an experienced practitioner, Aware is a hands-on guide that will enable you to become more focused and present, as well as more energized and emotionally resilient in the face of stress and the everyday challenges life throws your way.

Question/Quote I’m Thinking About:

I recently was listening to a podcast with Arianna Huffington entitled What Will Be Your Spiritual Wake Up Call? and she shared an analogy I’ve been thinking about.  She likened life to renting a car.  When you rent a car you are given the choice of returning the tank full or empty.  She noted she views life as a situation in which you have prepaid for the gas, so make sure you return the car with a tank that is empty.

How do you view life? Will you return the car with a tank that is full or empty? What if you consider you’ve prepaid for the gas? Do you play it safe or use every last drop and roll in on fumes?

 

 

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

I’ve been thinking a great deal lately about my journey to find my voice.  The journey has been long and I have struggled to block out all the other external voices vying for my attention, along with the internal voice who likes to criticize, in order to hear and listen to this inner guiding voice.  As I’ve worked to train my ears to hear, the guiding voice has become louder, stronger and more distinct, easier to recognize and give my attention, undivided.  I recently read this passage in Tara Mohr’s book, Playing Big, where she quotes a consultant to nonprofits, Rochelle who puts it like this,

“I had long been aware of my inner critic. In therapy, you focus on the inner critic side of things. I knew about the snarky, wounded little girl voice in me, but I didn’t know about this other voice, the already whole part of me, the inner mentor.”

Mohr goes on to share her thoughts on the topic, “In part, we are more familiar with the inner critic than the inner mentor because we hear the inner critic voice more loudly. The inner critic demands our attention. The inner mentor waits to be paid attention to. Where the inner critic rants and raves, the inner mentor speaks softly. The inner critic interrupts and invades our thinking. The inner mentor almost always waits to be asked for input before she speaks.”

~Playing Big: Practical Advice for Women Who Want to Speak Up by Tara Mohr, p. 43

Have you found your inner mentor?  Have you learned to hear the soft voice over the loud and demanding inner critic?  How can you get more intentional about listening for the guiding voice of your internal mentor this month?

Photo by Simon Migaj on Unsplash

Book I’m Reading:

Becoming by Michelle Obama

In a life filled with meaning and accomplishment, Michelle Obama has emerged as one of the most iconic and compelling women of our era. As first lady of the United States of America – the first African American to serve in that role – she helped create the most welcoming and inclusive White House in history while also establishing herself as a powerful advocate for women and girls in the United States and around the world, dramatically changing the ways that families pursue healthier and more active lives and standing with her husband as he led America through some of its most harrowing moments. Along the way, she showed us a few dance moves, crushed Carpool Karaoke, and raised two down-to-earth daughters under an unforgiving media glare.

In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites listeners into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her – from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work to her time spent at the world’s most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it – in her own words and on her own terms. Warm, wise, and revelatory, Becoming is the deeply personal reckoning of a woman of soul and substance who has steadily defied expectations – and whose story inspires us to do the same.

 

Check out my latest blog: My Stroke – Happy Anniversary!

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

A strong emotion is like a storm. If you look at a tree in a storm, the top of the tree seems fragile, like it might break at any moment. You are afraid the storm might uproot the tree.  But if you turn your attention to the trunk of the tree, you realize that its roots are deeply anchored in the ground, and you see that the tree will be able to hold.

You too are a tree. During a storm of emotion you should not stay at the level of the head or the heart, which are like the top of the tree.  You have to leave the heart, the eye of the storm, and come back to the trunk of the tree… Then you will survive the storm of strong emotion.

~ Thich Naht Hahn, You are Here, p. 72

Photo by Mahkeo on Unsplash

Book I’m Reading:

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck M.D.

Written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to help us explore the very nature of loving relationships and leads us toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps us learn how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive parent; and ultimately how to become one’s own true self.

Recognizing that, as in the famous opening line of his book, “Life is difficult” and that the journey to spiritual growth is a long one, Dr. Peck never bullies his readers, but rather guides them gently through the hard and often painful process of change toward a higher level of self-understanding.

Podcast I’m Enjoying:

Coaching For Leaders, 376: How to Become the Person You Want to Be, with James Clear

James Clear: Atomic Habits James Clear is an author and speaker focused on habits, decision-making, and continuous improvement. He is a regular speaker at Fortune 500 companies and his work is used by teams in the NFL, NBA, and MLB. He s the author of the new book, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

Question I’m Reflecting On:

 How does boredom contribute to creativity, and what have we lost in a world in which we don’t allow ourselves to experience true boredom?