Reflecting & Assessing – Three Thoughts for Thursday – December 2022

December 15, 2022

I dedicate this post to the strong women who inspired me, challenged me, and shaped me, and took their journey beyond this earth in 2022 – my grandmother Gwen, my great aunt, Ada, my Tia Margie, and my great Aunt Mary. You each left a legacy of strength, determination, faith, independence and inspiration, and your impact with continue in those you loved and left behind.

~

I thought I’d try something a little different this December.  As happens for me at the end of the year, I am deep in my efforts to make this holiday season special, I am reveling in the lights and candles and winter fires, and I’m also trying to find time and space in the chaos to be still, to reflect, and to savor the moments. 

Some of the themes coming up as I look back on the year are intentionality, living fully and authentically, looking ahead and not getting tripped up by short-sightedness, the importance of curiosity, juxtaposition, forgiveness, and surrender.  I am looking back, considering the fears and obstacles I’ve overcome, what I have accomplished and achieved, how I have felt, what and who have challenged me, what I need to let go of, what I might like to keep and repeat, and honoring the year that has been before looking to the year ahead. I am pausing for a moment and basking in these final days and moments of 2022, in the joys and sorrows, the ups and downs, peace and chaos; I am reveling in the beauty in this year of a wonderfully messy life.

In that vein, I thought rather than adding to the year’s list of quotes and books, and podcasts, I’d look back and offer up some of my favorites. So, here you will find my favorite quotes this holiday season, along with a few new podcasts resonating with my reflective state and encapsulating some of these aforementioned themes.  I’ve also provided a list of the books I’ve featured in 2022 in case you are wanting a good book to read over the winter break or need a gift idea.

As the year winds down for you, I hope you are also taking time for yourself, and that you might also take a moment to pause and reflect. What is your proudest moment or accomplishment this year? When was your lowest day, and when was your highest? What tripped you up and challenged you? What did you learn? How did you grow? Who made the greatest impact on you this year? How do you feel about the impact you had? What would you like to take forward with you? What might you need to let go of to create something new next year? How might you both surrender and move forward with intention? What brought you peace in the chaos? Who and what are you most grateful for as you reflect back on 2022?

Favorite Quotes from 2022:

“Often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.”
~ Margaret Young ~
 
“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into place.”
~ Unknown ~
 
“Patience does not mean to passively endure. It means to be farsighted enough to trust the end result of a process.”
~ Elif Shafak ~
 
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
~ Albert Einstein ~
 
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek”
~ Joseph Campbell ~
 
Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful.
~ Beau Taplin ~
 
“…this is too extraordinary. This is too wonderful. I must tell Botticelli that he was wrong. Suffering is not the answer. Light is the answer.” ~ Roscuro in The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo, Ch. 19
  
If you surrender to the wind, then you can ride it.
~Toni Morrison ~

Photo by Desiree Briel Rodi

What I’m listening to – Podcasts for the Season:

#292, How to Enjoy the Last Two Weeks of the Year

The Lazy Genius

This episode addresses expectations, one of my favorite topics that goes along with one of my favorite quotes from Richard Rohr, “Suffering comes from unmet expectations.” What expectations do you have that might threaten to cause you to suffer this holiday season and how might you let them go?

#533, A Self-Interested Case for Forgiveness, Jack Kornfield

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Forgiveness is key to reclaiming energy, making new ways, forging new relationships, and creating space for opportunity and possibility. Who and what might need forgiveness as you close out the year?

Super Soul Special: Oprah Winfrey –  FORGIVENESS

Oprah’s Super Soul

This podcast brings together so much wisdom from so many on the topic of forgiveness. Searching for peace and purpose is often a journey of forgiveness and release. Oprah prefaces the podcast with the other side of forgiveness is freedom!” She goes on to highlight this powerful insight from Dr. Gerald G. Jampolsky. “Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different.”  Forgiveness is about unburdening yourself from the weight of resentment you might be carrying around.

Take a moment to listen to some inspiring stories, perceptions and observations, and astute learnings from those who have traveled profound journeys to forgiveness and have found freedom on the other side.

What I’ve Read –  A Year-End Review:

January – Search Inside Yourself

By Chade-Meng Tan

February – Atlas of the Heart

By Brene Brown

March – David Whyte is a poet, author, speaker, philosopher.

April – The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse

By Charlie Mackesy

May – Running with Purpose: How Brooks Outpaced Goliath Competitors to Lead the Pack

By Jim Weber, CEO of Brooks

June – Take Your Shoes Off First

By Julia Freeland

July – Courageous Clarity

By Phyllis Sarkaria

August – Limitless: How to Ignore Everybody, Carve Your Own Path, and Live Your Best Life

By Laura Gassner Otting

September –Bittersweet

By Susan Cain

October – The Four Pivots: Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves

By Shawn A. Ginwright

November – The Surrender Experiment: my journey into life’s perfection

by Michael A. Singer

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.
 
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.

 
In September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area,  Savor the Sweetness.  It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I look forward to hosting quarterly events for local women in 2023 – stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!

Please check out my latest blog post, The Problem of Intentions,  Also check out my post, Be Careful, Recipes and Inspiration Yield Different Results! and my November Edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, as well.  In light of my continued themes on process and habits, you may also be interested in my series, Lessons of the Run – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. And if you could stand to hear more about processes and patterns, stay tuned for an upcoming expanded post on Examining the Process – Behind the Drive.
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please stay tuned for another year of EI learning and growth as a part of these sessions.  You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.

 
In September, I completed a year-long, quarterly series entitled “EQ and WooWoo” with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay. If you are intrigued and would like to learn more about future events, please email me. This workshop series was designed to help you manifest action towards the year you want to live, the person you want to be, and the goals you want to achieve in 2022.  These quarterly sessions intertwined the use of Tarot (and other Woowoo tools) and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper. New and related sessions will begin in 2023. Contact me for more information.
 
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 

As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of reflection, curiosity, clarity, and joy in the moments!

Authenticity and Belonging: Lessons of Fall – Three Thoughts for Thursday, October 2022

October 20, 2022
Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

Fall is still my very favorite season, and I have noticed I especially love October!  During this season, particularly the month of October, the colors seem especially vibrant and I am constantly in awe of the changes and transformations I observe in the trees around me.  I also likely don’t need to mention again, my fascination with midlife, but I will because not only am I in it but so are many of my clients.  In this season of life, I am also observing and celebrating transformations.  

I find the learnings and lessons of midlife profound and connected to my observations of October. This month as I have been noticing the leaves changing color, the new hues and shades amidst the green, I have been thinking about the desires for purpose and authenticity that seem to come with midlife. I have also been considering the willingness to finally take off the mask and boldly step forth in truth. The midlife and post-midlife, to me, represent a call to bare oneself with unapologetic transparency, to willingly stand out rather than submit to a need to blend in or the “shoulds” of others, and to learn you belong because of your differences, not in spite of them.

As I observe the natural cycle of seasons, I think maybe it is just nature that leads so many to wait until later in life to show up fully, much as trees change in the 9th, 10th, or even 11th month of the year.  I wonder what our world could be like if we embraced our true selves and diversity and reveled in the humanity that unites us earlier in our journey through this one precious life. Perhaps change is simply a part of humanity and the real lesson is to embrace growth and change as it comes in each stage but also to support truth and authenticity throughout the journey.

What could the world be like if we saw in color instead of so often in black and white? What if we could appreciate and embrace all the different hues rather than picking favorites or passing judgments? How might you show up more authentically and fully even through periods of transition and changes? How might you, in whatever position in life you find yourself, encourage others and create an environment that supports others to show up more transparently, honestly, and fully human? What is your dream for yourself when you think about how you’d like to show up? What keeps you from showing up this way?  What gives you a sense of belonging? What is your dream for our world? If you don’t have one, why not? What is one thing you might choose to work on in yourself that may begin to pave the way for a more just world, one change, one transformation at a time?

Photo by Timothy Eberly on Unsplash

Quote I’m pondering:

“When the winds of change blow, some people build walls, and others build windmills.”

~ Chinese Proverb ~

Photo by Carl Raw on Unsplash

What I’m listening to: 

Assumptions that Stop Us from Listening Well, with Oscar Trimboli
Coaching for Leaders, Episode #598, October 9, 2022
 

Oscar Trimboli: How to Listen

Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He is passionate about using the gift of listening to bring positive change in homes, workplaces, and cultures around the world. Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders and organizations can have when they listen beyond the words.

Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran with over 30 years of experience across general management, sales, marketing, and operations for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, Professional Advantage, and Vodafone. He is the author of the book, Deep Listening and now, his newest book, How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication*.

In this conversation, Oscar and I explore several of the assumptions that tend to get in our way of listening well. Oscar highlights distinctions that will be useful mindsets for you in showing up better in future conversations. Plus, we discuss how listing goes far beyond simply asking questions.

Key Points

  • Before we begin listening, it is helpful to tune…much like an orchestra.
  • We can’t always give our full attention, but we can make the choice as to whether we are paying attention or giving attention.
  • As much as we intend otherwise, sometimes we listen less well in our closest relationships.
  • Aim to be curious instead of drawing conclusions.
  • Asking questions does not necessarily mean you are listening well. Aimless and arbitrary questions are everywhere.

Resources Mentioned

Interview Notes

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

Related Episodes

I so enjoyed this podcast about how even small assumptions can keep us from experiencing true connection and understanding.  I especially loved that he shared the experience of his son and his wife as they navigated the meaning of half of eight/8! 

What I’m reading: 

The Four Pivots: Reimaging Justice, Reimagining Ourselves

By Shawn A. Ginwright

I am LOVING this book!  It is reminding me that I need to sit down and write my own visions for how Emotional Intelligence can help support a world of equality by allowing us to connect with our humanity, and expand our ability to be more human and our capacity for other humans.  More on that to come!

What Amazon Has to Say:

“Reading this courageous book feels like the beginning of a social and personal awakening…I can’t stop thinking about it.”—Brené Brown, PhD, author of Atlas of the Heart

For readers of Emergent Strategy and Dare to Lead, an activist’s roadmap to long-term social justice impact through four simple shifts.

We need a fundamental shift in our values–a pivot in how we think, act, work, and connect. Despite what we’ve been told, the most critical mainspring of social change isn’t coalition building or problem analysis. It’s healing: deep, whole, and systemic, inside and out.

Here, Shawn Ginwright, PhD, breaks down the common myths of social movements–a set of deeply ingrained beliefs that actually hold us back from healing and achieving sustainable systemic change. He shows us why these frames don’t work, proposing instead four revolutionary pivots for better activism and collective leadership:

Awareness: from lens to mirror
Connection: from transactional to transformative relationships
Vision: from problem-fixing to possibility-creating
Presence: from hustle to flow

Supplemented with reflections, prompts, cutting-edge research, and the author’s own insights and lived experience as an African American social scientist, professor, and movement builder, The Four Pivots helps us uncover our obstruction points. It shows us how to discover new lenses and boldly assert our need for connection, transformation, trust, wholeness, and healing. It gives us permission to create a better future–to acknowledge that a broken system has been predefining our dreams and limiting what we allow ourselves to imagine, but that it doesn’t have to be that way at all. Are you ready to pivot? 

Here are a few of my notes and key takeaways/questions from Pivot 1: Awareness, Lens to Mirror

Ginwright notes that eliminating problems doesn’t create victories.  This was powerful for me as it put into perspective all the time and effort we as a society, and as humans, consultants, parents, managers, etc., put into solving surface problems. He went on to note that “inequality erodes our ability to see any other way – predefined our dreams, conditions us to focus on surface-level issues.  He calls for deep, personal work, over instituting new solutions to these “surface problems” in order to create real and lasting change.

He further calls out the need to go deeper, to strive to see the myths and beliefs Ginwright notes “that we are living by that must be seen in order to change them.” How might you work to go beyond getting striving to be better at your job, looking towards the next promotion, and really support this deeper work that will serve you more fully and will also serve our society and world, one person at a time? 

What are you doing to support yourself and your inner work, to have a lens and a mirror? What “obstruction spots created by socialization” have you worked to clear to be a better human and create change?

Thoughts on Ginwright’s “True sight – hindsight, foresight and insight” concept, and the idea that “the hardest look is inward”?

How might you integrate his reflections on clarity – “Suspension, Saltation, and Creep”?

Topic for further ponderings – What gets in the way of clarity – Ego, Lack of Confidence, Lens of Opposition, and Resistance – how do you see these show up in your professional and personal life/communications/relationships?

Photo by Chris Lawton on Unsplash

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.

On September 17th, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area,  Savor the Sweetness.  It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I look forward to hosting quarterly events for local women in 2023 – stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!

Please check out my latest blog post, The Problem of Intentions,  Also check out my post, Be Careful, Recipes and Inspiration Yield Different Results! and my September Edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, as well.  In light of my continued themes on process and habits, you may also be interested in my series, Lessons of the Run – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. And if you could stand to hear more about processes and patterns, stay tuned for an upcoming expanded post on Examining the Process – Behind the Drive.

Beginning last year, in April 2021, I have had the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please join us for November’s session on Tuesday, the 29th of November for a panel discussion of EI in the Workplace.

In September, I completed a year-long, quarterly series entitled “EQ and WooWoo” with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay. If you are intrigued and would like to learn more about future events, please email me. This workshop series was designed to help you manifest action toward the year you want to live, the person you want to be, and the goals you want to achieve in 2022.  These quarterly sessions intertwined the use of Tarot (and other Woowoo tools) and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper. New and related sessions will begin in 2023.

If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!

I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!

As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Wishing you a season of colorful foliage and brilliant transformation toward authenticity and true belonging!

Photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash

Sunsets and Seasons – Three Thoughts for Thursday – September 2022

September 15, 2022

The sunsets have been stunning, the colors bold and breathtaking. Likely, the forest fires raging in Oregon and southern Washington have a part to play in the way the light and pollution come together to create art in the sky as the day comes to a close, a reminder of how beauty can come even from endings and destruction.

As the summer comes to a close, I have been reflecting on the beauty of both the season and its end, and how the close of summer enhances my desire to embrace and enjoy every last moment. The sunsets have called me to pause and appreciate the beauty of a day’s end. These reflections around endings and destruction have also led me to again recognize how endings give way to beginnings, destruction gives way to new creation, and the importance of savoring the journey and the bittersweetness of these moments.

It is also in this transition from summer to fall that I reminisce on the butterfly migration in the Los Angeles area I was so privileged to witness while living there. While we were in LA this past April, we went to the butterfly gardens at the Natural History Museum. One of my very favorite experiences in LA was the mass migration of butterflies.  They were so thick in the air everywhere; it was as if we’d been invaded. So unexpected and such a pleasant surprise, these beautiful butterflies even surrounded us on the traffic-jammed highways! I arrived in LA for what would be a 2+-year sojourn, angry to be there, and left quite transformed by the colorful experience and deep friendships I gained. Our LA experience provided a new reference and definition for me of bittersweetness. Only at the end could I see the beauty of the personal transformation I’d undergone as the sunset on our time there and the butterflies undertook their journey.

As the sun sets on this day, on this season, both literal and metaphorical, what is ending for you? What do endings mean for you, and what emotions do they trigger? What is beginning? What beauty do you see in the finale? When and where have you experienced beauty in the breaking, in the ending? As you reflect on your life experiences, where do you see moments of bittersweetness? How have they shaped you? How have you shaped and made meaning of these moments?

Sunset over Lake Washington

Quote I’m pondering:

Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness and still become something beautiful.

~ Beau Taplin ~

What I’m reading:

Bittersweet by Susan Cain

I just finished listening to the Audible version of this book and absolutely loved it!  As someone who has been accused of being Eeyore, of being overly sentimental, of feeling a deep appreciation for the character, Sadness, in InsideOut, and as someone who walked down the aisle to Moonlight Sonata, this book spoke to me on so many levels.  I have come to feel great frustration with our cultural insistence/mandate to “be happy, just be happy,” ALL OF THE TIME! I believe what we so often think of as the “negative emotions” have a very important place and purpose, and at the very least, allow us to really know what it feels like when happiness comes within.
 
Thinking about sunsets, beauty in endings, and the breaking down involved in metamorphosis, makes me also consider my time living in Los Angeles, a time that truly allowed me to feel and experience bittersweetness. I showed up angry to be there and left changed and sad to say goodbye.  The transformation was all the things – painful and inexplicably wonderful all at once, and to say goodbye was both excruciating and exciting.

I hope you will give this book a read or a listen!  This book spoke to my soul. I felt a deep human connection and a new appreciation for my own life experience. I’d love to hear what you think!!

~

What Amazon has to say:

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Sadness is your superpower. In her new masterpiece, the author of the bestselling phenomenon Quiet explores the power of the bittersweet personality, revealing a misunderstood side of mental health and creativity while offering a roadmap to facing grief in order to live life to the fullest.
 
“Bittersweet grabs you by the heart and doesn’t let go.”—BRENÉ BROWN, author of Atlas of the Heart


“Susan Cain has described and validated my existence once again!”—GLENNON DOYLE, author of Untamed


“The perfect cure for toxic positivity.”—ADAM GRANT, author of Think Again

ONE OF THE MOST ANTICIPATED BOOKS OF 2022—Oprah Daily, BookPage

Bittersweetness is a tendency to states of long­ing, poignancy, and sorrow; an acute aware­ness of passing time; and a curiously piercing joy at the beauty of the world. It recognizes that light and dark, birth and death—bitter and sweet—are forever paired. 
 
If you’ve ever wondered why you like sad music . . . 
If you find comfort or inspiration in a rainy day . . . 
If you react intensely to music, art, nature, and beauty . . .
 
Then you probably identify with the bitter­sweet state of mind.
 
With Quiet, Susan Cain urged our society to cultivate space for the undervalued, indispensable introverts among us, thereby revealing an un­tapped power hidden in plain sight. Now she em­ploys the same mix of research, storytelling, and memoir to explore why we experience sorrow and longing, and how embracing the bittersweetness at the heart of life is the true path to creativity, con­nection, and transcendence.
 
Cain shows how a bittersweet state of mind is the quiet force that helps us transcend our personal and collective pain, whether from a death or breakup, addiction or illness. If we don’t acknowledge our own heartache, she says, we can end up inflicting it on others via abuse, domination, or neglect. But if we realize that all humans know—or will know—loss and suffering, we can turn toward one another. 
 
At a time of profound discord and personal anxiety, Bittersweet brings us together in deep and unexpected ways.

What I’m listening to:

I was so inspired by and resonated with Susan Cain’s Bittersweet that I sought out podcasts with her as a guest.  I found one new podcast I want to investigate beyond the interview with her and one old favorite, The Tim Ferris Show,  that I’ve found to provide consistent inspiration.  Let me know what you think!!

Passion Struck with John R. Miles

Passion Struck is a show focused on exploring the mindset and philosophy of some of the world’s most insightful people. John R. Miles unpacks guests’ wisdom on creating an intentional purpose-driven life and turns it into practical advice that you can use to impact your work, life, and relationships.

Episode 121: Susan Cain on Bittersweet, the Happiness of the Melancholy, and How Sorrow Creates the Union Between Souls

Susan Cain is one of my favorite authors and completely changed the way I viewed myself and my own strengths. Susan is the author of the Quiet Journal, Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts, and Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which spent eight years on The New York Times bestseller list, and has been translated into 40 languages. Her new masterpiece, Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole, is available now.

Susan’s first record-smashing TED Talk has been viewed more than 40 million times and was named by Bill Gates as one of his all-time favorite talks (and if you like that one, you should check out her most recent TED Talk with violinist Min Kym). LinkedIn named her the top sixth influencer in the world, just behind Richard Branson and Melinda Gates. Susan partners with Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, and Dan Pink to curate the Next Big Idea Club. They donate all of their proceeds to children’s literacy programs.

Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make us Whole

In her new book, Susan discusses why sadness and the happiness of melancholy are key to achieving self-transcendence and the union between souls. As with the majority of people, you’ve probably been taught your entire life to look at the positive side and be happy no matter what. While there is a place for optimism and looking at the bright side, by burying your melancholy and sadness, you may actually be doing yourself a terrible disservice.

Additional Podcasts with Tim Ferris and Susan Cain:

The Tim Ferriss Show: #583: Susan Cain on Transforming Pain, Building Your Emotional Resilience, Exploring Sufi Wisdom, Tapping into Bittersweet Songs, and Seeking the Shards of Light

The Tim Ferriss Show: #357: Susan Cain — How to Overcome Fear and Embrace Creativity

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.

Women local to the Seattle area, you are invited to attend Savor the Sweetness on September 17th.  For more information and to RSVP, please click here.

Please check out my latest blog post, The Problem of Intentions,  Also check out my post, Be Careful, Recipes and Inspiration Yield Different Results! and my August Edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, as well.  In light of my continued theme on process, you may also be interested in my series, Lessons of the Run – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. And if you could stand to hear more about processes and patterns, stay tuned for an upcoming expanded post on Examining the Process – Behind the Drive.
 
If you are interested, or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.

Beginning last year, in April 2021, I have had the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please join us for September’s session on Tuesday, the 27th  of September, with special guest, James Garrett of BrainByDesign, who will offer The Brain Science of Overcoming Fear.

 For more information on the next “EQ and WooWoo” workshop (Thursday, September 22nd) with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay, please email me or RSVP. This workshop series is designed to help you manifest action towards the year you want to live, the person you want to be, and the goals you want to achieve.  We will be hosting quarterly sessions that intertwine the use of Tarot (and other Woowoo tools) and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper. September will focus on Relationship Management, harvesting what you’ve planted, and continuing to care for the relationships you are building and maintaining.
 
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of stunning sunsets, moments that take your breath away, and recognition of the beauty in the bittersweet!

Three Thoughts for Thursday – May 2022

May 19, 2022

Process, patience and purpose -How do these themes connect for you?  Do you sometimes question your progress and thus the process, or lose sight of the purpose and then struggle with both patience and process?  What have you learned about process, purpose, and patience in your life? How does your view of process connect to patience and purpose for you?

Read More "Three Thoughts for Thursday – May 2022"

Another Chance – April 2022 – Three Thoughts for Thursday

April 21, 2022

Another Chance

I am often inspired by nature, the seasons, and the cadence of life around us, as well as the view through the eyes of my children. Spring comes every year and offers another opportunity to try again, to do something new, to grow and change, a do-over if you will. This past month, we took our first spring break trip, our first big trip on an airplane, since February of 2020. I feel so fortunate to have been able to take our first family vacation, a real vacation, since COVID.  We’ve taken road trips and spent some time in an Airbnb or two along the way, but this was the first time in 26 months that we boarded an airplane. This was Sally’s first flight, and given the passage of so much time, seemed like a first for the boys, too.  A silver lining of COVID, my kids don’t take such trips and flights for granted anymore. It was pure joy to travel for the first time again!  So much seemed new!

We went to Southern California where we soaked up the sun and time with friends and family we hadn’t seen in over two years. The boys shared some of their favorite places with their sister (we called Los Angeles home from 2017 to mid-2019), while simultaneously experiencing them all anew – Legoland, the San Diego Zoo, the Space Shuttle Endeavor, the Natural History Museum in LA, Noah’s Ark at the Skirball Center, sunset on the beach – so much goodness and joy, a taste of newness even in revisiting old favorites.

This travel experience makes me think about the opportunity spring presents each year – an opportunity to plant and grow something new and different, an opportunity to grow something old and familiar in a new way, an opportunity to reinvent, try again, to grow after a season or more of remaining the same, a chance to see new opportunity, and a time of rebirth. Every spring, there is another occasion to start fresh, to try again, to try anew, to show up differently, to see differently, a “do-over” and a chance to appreciate things/people/experiences more deeply.

This spring, what are you seeing as if for the first time? What are you noticing with new eyes? What is being illuminated for you or providing you clarity? What might you do or what might you change to see things from a new vantage point or through a new lens? Where are you feeling stuck and in need of a new way of seeing in order to move forward? As we begin to reemerge, what are you more deeply appreciating and savoring, as if familiar and new all at once?

Ducks we saw while having lunch outdoors in San Diego

Quote I am Pondering:

“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
​— Attributed to Rabindranath Tagore​

​

Santa Monica Sunrise

What I’m listening to:

 This podcast came across my path via email from a colleague at Seattle University where I teach as an Adjunct Faculty in the Albers School of Business, Department of Management.  The content both encouraged me and challenged me as I considered my own journey to stay present and aware, conscious, and in the moment, as well as my desire to share ideas and content in this email that resonates and people will like.  The theme of being liked hit home as I have been pondering ways to grow my audience and have worried about people losing interest. At the same time, the joy of our spring break and the reminders to embrace each moment and take all that life has to offer, with acceptance and gratitude also sat with me. So, I challenged myself to listen openly and to share openly.
 

The Commitment to Stay Conscious
Michael Singer Podcast, Season 2, Episode 3

Even when you’ve devoted yourself to spiritual work, it can be difficult to maintain mindful awareness. In this episode, Michael speaks on the difficulty of maintaining consciousness and equanimity when we seem hardwired to be hooked by outside stimuli.
 

Sunrise Run in Santa Monica

What I’m reading:


The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
By Charlie Mackesy

This quick read is packed full of insight and human wisdom.  One of my favorite moments was this exchange between the Mole and the Boy:

Mole, “I am so small!”
Boy,  “Yes, but you make a huge difference!”
 
What Amazon has to say:
#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER · WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER  · USA TODAY BESTSELLER

“The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse is not only a thought-provoking, discussion-worthy story, but the book itself is also an object of art.”- Elizabeth Egan, The New York Times

From British illustrator, artist, and author Charlie Mackesy comes a journey for all ages that explores life’s universal lessons, featuring 100 color and black-and-white drawings.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” asked the mole.
“Kind,” said the boy.

Charlie Mackesy offers inspiration and hope in uncertain times in this beautiful book, following the tale of a curious boy, a greedy mole, a wary fox, and a wise horse who find themselves together in sometimes difficult terrain, sharing their greatest fears and biggest discoveries about vulnerability, kindness, hope, friendship, and love. The shared adventures and important conversations between the four friends are full of life lessons that have connected with readers of all ages. 

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.
 
Please check out my latest blog post, The Problem of Intentions,  Also check out my post, Be Careful, Recipes and Inspiration Yield Different Results! and my March edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, as well.  
 
Beginning in April 2021, I have had the privilege of Co-Hosting with Kathy Hadizadeh, the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please join us next week for April’s session on Tuesday, the 26th of the month as we explore our coaching lenses and how they can impact our clients! 
 
For more information on the next “EQ and WooWoo” workshop (Thursday, June 23rd) with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay, please RSVP or email me for more information. This workshop series is designed to help you manifest action towards the year you want to live, the person you want to be, and the goals you want to achieve.  We will be hosting quarterly sessions that intertwine the use of Tarot (and other Woowoo tools) and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper. June will focus on Social Awareness, tending to the seeds you’ve planted, and caring for the things you are growing.
 
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of “firsts”, of seeing anew, of do-overs, excitement, and joy!
 

Three Thoughts for Thursday – March 2022

March 17, 2022

Spring is Near!

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

As much as I love the season of autumn, I also love when the days start to get longer. March marks the start of Spring with the Equinox! Having grown up in Colorado, spring generally makes me think of the mud, but this year, I am thinking of the light.  Equal days and equal nights.  For me, as spring emerges, there is a sense of restoration and readiness to stretch and plant and grow, to bask in the light of the longer days.  I can feel the light charging me up.
 
My ancestors were farmers so perhaps there’s something genetic that gives me the itch for spring, to dig in the dirt and plant things, to stay outdoors longer as the light allows me to stretch the day.  I also am feeling this year, this urge to reconnect, to reinvigorate relationships, friendships, connections.  Perhaps that is the purpose of winter, just as with plants and with animals who hibernate, to rest and restore in preparation for another season of planting and growing, stretching and connecting.
 
As I write this, the sun is shining through the green leaves of the tree outside my window. From this light of the sun streaming through the branches, I feel a warmth of anticipation, peace, hope, joy, a weight being lifted off of me as if I am becoming physically lighter in the light of the sun. I feel a reminder that I have everything inside of me to grow into all that I am meant to be as the sun shines upon me and provides its light and warmth to aid my growth.
 
As the seasons change, the days grow longer, plants begin to bloom, how are you feeling, both physically and emotionally? Do you connect with the seasons physically, mentally, emotionally?  Do you feel a shift in your mood, in your patterns of being?  Are you feeling energized?  More connected? Longing for something different and new to spring forth? Or are you still in hibernation mode? How does spring make you feel and what does this season inspire? Metaphorically, what seeds do you want to plant and what will these seeds grow this year?

Photo by Joy Yu on Unsplash

Quote Currently Resonating:

“…this is too extraordinary. This is too wonderful. I must tell Botticelli that he was wrong. Suffering is not the answer. Light is the answer.”

~ Roscuro in The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo ~

Photo by Calvin Mano on Unsplash

Featured Podcast: 

I recently had the privilege and opportunity to be a returning, second-time guest on the podcast,

The Career Butterfly with host, Erica Parker Price

“Careers come in Phases. Find your Passion. Discover your Purpose.
Soar into the Future.“

This podcast is for the millions of women who have taken a career break and are ready to find their wings and soar like a butterfly.  We provide weekly insights and interviews with women who have successfully returned to work, as well as experts working to make it easier to hit pause and un-pause on your career.

In Episode 123, Bringing Your Emotional Intelligence to Work, we take a deeper dive into EQ and its power to transform and connect us as human beings.  You can also find resources that relate to the discussion and have informed my own research and work. If you are interested in my first interview with Erica, you can listen to Episode 116, Riding Your Own Unique Wave, to hear more about my personal journey.

Please check out all the other episodes, as well, as they all share common themes around resilience, humanity, struggle, reinvention, growth, and provide inspiration to continue to adapt, evolve, and grow – great themes connected to spring!

Photo by Daniel Hajdacki on Unsplash

Author I am Enjoying and find Inspiring:

David Whyte is a poet, author, speaker, philosopher.

From his website:

THE POWER OF THE POETIC IMAGINATION
David Whyte’s writing explores the timeless relationship of human beings to their world, to creation, to others, and to the end of life itself.


He makes his home in the Pacific Northwest, where rain and changeable skies remind him of the other, more distant homes from which he comes: Yorkshire, Wales, and Ireland. He has traveled extensively, including working as a guide in the Galapagos and leading trips into the Himalayas; much of his work chronicles a close relationship to landscapes and histories. He speaks to the suffering and joy that accompany revelation, and the necessity of belonging to families, people, and places. 


David Whyte’s poetry can be heard in the boardrooms of Fortune 500 companies, the hallowed halls of educational institutions, and from the stages of literary festivals and theological conferences. In each of these disparate settings, his work and compelling speaking style are moving and relevant, transcending the confines of any individual context.  


I have been taken with his book, Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, and his book, Everything is Waiting for You.  His words have been resonating and inspiring me to see beauty and purpose, love and joy, and have served as a great reminder that I have everything I need to become.

Photo by Dennis Bertuch on Unsplash

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.
 
Please check out my latest blog post, The Problem of Intentions.  Also check out my post, Be Careful, Recipes and Inspiration Yield Different Results! and my February edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday here on my blog, as well.
 
Beginning in April 2021, I have had the privilege of Co-Hosting with Kathy Hadizadeh, the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please join us for April’s session on the 26th of the month! 
 
For more information and to register for the March “EQ and WooWoo” workshop with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay, click here. This workshop series is designed to help you manifest action towards the year you want to live, the person you want to be, the goals you want to achieve.  We will be hosting quarterly sessions that intertwine the use of Tarot (and other Woowoo tools) and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper. March will focus on Self-Management and planting what you want to grow.
 
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of light and abundant planting!

The Problem of Intentions

January 19, 2022

I’ve been pondering my own negative reaction to the idea of intentions as we begin the year 2022, and I hear people begin to talk of setting resolutions and intentions.  Just thinking about the word, intention, I feel my face scrunch up into a frown or grimace, a face full of skepticism and disdain. I feel frustration, even anger, and my temperature rises.   I had to look up the word to determine exactly what it meant apart from my associations, interpretations, and strong, visceral reaction. 

In-ten-tion: noun, a thing intended; an aim or plan.

“She was full of good intentions”

Synonyms – aim, intent

Perhaps some of my disdain stems from the fact that the word is a noun, and a noun alone is devoid of action.  Come January or tomorrow or even today, don’t we want to create action? When I think about reflecting and looking forward, I think about change and achievement and choice, actively moving forward, not just hanging out with a noun.  Then I start thinking about the meaning of this noun, and for me, the word intention seems to become synonymous with an excuse, another noun and stumbling block for creating action.

“A thing intended; an aim or plan” is the definition that comes up when I google the word, intention. I don’t want to intend to act, I want to create action. I don’t want to aim at a goal, I want to accomplish the goal. I don’t want to simply make a plan, I want to actively start walking, taking the steps, doing the work with purpose. What describes how I want to act is the adjective form, intentional.

In-ten-tion-al: adjective, done on purpose; deliberate

“He was cited with intentional wrongdoing and harm.”

Synonyms – deliberate, calculated, conscious

I want to be deliberate and conscious and calculated, but again, “to be” still isn’t an active verb. “To be” still sounds stuck in one place, to me.

What gets closer to the action I seek to live by, or the verb form of “intention”, is to act intentionally, deliberately, on purpose.  I want to live with purpose, act with purpose, make decisions with purpose. A friend, colleague, and fellow coach, over the years, has taught me the importance of language.  The words we use, think, and speak are attached to our actions and either propel us forward or hold us hostage. My intentions will no longer hold me hostage!

My word for 2022 is INTENTIONALLY. 

In-ten-tion-al-ly: adverb, deliberately; on purpose.

“I intentionally scheduled time to talk.”

Synonyms – deliberately, on purpose

I will act with intention.  I will be intentional.  I will make decisions and choices about how I spend my time, how I use my resources, how I choose my words, how I show up,  and what I accomplish INTENTIONALLY. I will not set intentions and shrug them off to have been good but not important enough to achieve or at least create action in an attempt to achieve.  I will not set intentions and use them to excuse my lack of action. I will intentionally make choices to ensure I am intentional about living my life and achieving my goals and I will manifest with intention.  Sure, intention can come along, but I will be intentional about intentionally creating the path ahead.  I will not be detoured by good intentions but will be guided by intentionally seeking, exploring, designing, generating, and producing the year I envision.

Words are important as they form the stories we tell ourselves and the reality we create.  What is your guiding word for 2022?  What words do you use that may be holding you back or getting in your way?  How might you be more intentional with your words and intentionally write new stories and create new realities?

Photo by Dave Hoefler on Unsplash

Three Thoughts for Thursday – June 2021

June 17, 2021

J is for June and for JOY!!

Joy… What comes to mind when you think of joy?  Have you heard the term “unadulterated joy”?  Take that term apart – “un-adult” –  and it seems to imply adulthood gets in the way of joy. I recently had a conversation about my own relationship with joy and this idea that I need to earn it, need to complete all the tasks on my to-do list before I can experience joy. Unsurprisingly, the to-do list is never-ending!  Does this resonate with any of you, this idea that joy is only allowed once you’ve done your chores?  When I also think more about joy, I think of children and the purity of their joy in the simple pleasures and new experiences of life – playing in the rain or running through the sprinklers, eating ice cream, learning to walk and run, building a fort or a Lego creation, sharing their success, playing at the park – the list goes on and on.  I have memories of this joy, but I admit, I often think partaking in that kind of joy is now out of reach as an adult. 

But what if it is not?  What if we can still tap into that child-like, “unadulterated” joy?  What if we don’t have to earn it but can stop and experience joy along the way, as we work through that never-ending to-do list of adulthood?  If the list is never-ending, what’s the harm in a break from time to time? This is what I encourage you to think about as you read this June edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday and embark upon the summer months.  How can you invite more joy into your life? How might joy be just the thing you need to fill up and go further?  How might you look at life through the eyes of a child and pause now and then to pick a dandelion, eat a popsicle on a hot day, laugh, jump in a puddle, and simply live in the joy of the moment?

Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and find inspiring:

“Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.”

~ Brené Brown ~

Podcast I’m Listening to:

The Happiness Lab – Laurie Santos

You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale — the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history — The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.

Happiness Lessons of The Ancients: Lao Tzu

May 2, 2021 : 37:09

The challenges of life often cause us to work frantically to overcome our difficulties – but the Chinese thinker Lao Tzu recommended that instead we should emulate the slow, steady, yet powerful flow of a river.

Solala Towler has studies and taught the principles of Daoism for more than 30 years – and explains how we can implement them into our daily lives. Things like retaining our childlike wonder, being content to go with the flow, and appreciating moderation in all things so that we don’t burn ourselves out.

You can read more about Solala’s work at https://abodetao.com/

Book I am Reading:

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

An instant New York Times bestseller

Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question.
 
Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet.

In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu traveled to the Dalai Lama’s home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness’s eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering?

They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy.

This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final good-bye.

We get to listen as they explore the Nature of True Joy and confront each of the Obstacles of Joy—from fear, stress, and anger to grief, illness, and death. They then offer us the Eight Pillars of Joy, which provide the foundation for lasting happiness. Throughout, they include stories, wisdom, and science. Finally, they share their daily Joy Practices that anchor their own emotional and spiritual lives.

The Archbishop has never claimed sainthood, and the Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, of courage, and of joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to be a guest on a podcast – my first time and it was so fun!  Erika Parker Price created the podcast, Ready, Pause, Go, “the only podcast that focuses on the POWER of the career pause.” You can listen to my episode with her here.

Please check out my latest blog post, Lessons of the Run, Part IV: GRIT. You can also find recent posts Are we Losing Our Humanity? and previous lessons of the run, Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, Lessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest. If you missed my May edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well.

On April 27th,  Kathy Hadizadeh and I kicked off the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. Our next session will be on June 22nd and we will be diving deeper into Self-Awareness: Surfacing and Understanding Emotions.  If you are interested in joining and co-creating this learning community, please use the link above to find out more and to come along for the journey!

I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!  Your feedback is always appreciated!

Three Thoughts for Thursday – May 2021

May 20, 2021

            On my wedding day, we had planned to say our vows outdoors in the autumn beauty of Southwestern Colorado.  I’d grown up there and the fall was always my favorite time of year with warm, sunny days and beautiful aspens turning gold among the evergreens.  We woke up to rain, not just a drizzle, but torrential downpour, complete with thunder and lightning. No problem, we had a backup plan to move the ceremony indoors.  Then the power went out so we hunted up every candle we could find. No problem, surely the power would be restored by dinnertime. We took photos, dashing out from the covered patio when the rain would take a break to capture the shot.  The overcast skies made the colors pop!  The power did not come back on in time for dinner.  No problem, the stoves were gas stoves and a few friends had brought their guitars – dinner by candlelight and music played by friends, what a gift! 

            This year, we made it to the Tulip Festival in Skagit Valley just north of where we live.  It was a bit rainy as we set out.  No problem, there were no crowds to navigate, and wow did the colors pop!  As we stood in the colorful fields of tulips and daffodils, storm clouds overhead, a light drizzle around us, I couldn’t help but think of my wedding day, and in a broader sense, of how the storms of life can make joy really stand out.  I also couldn’t help but see the joy of my boys as they bought me a bouquet of flowers.  The clouds and drizzle couldn’t dampen the beauty they saw. As I looked through their eyes, I, too, felt joy in the beauty I saw before me in the meeting of the storm clouds and the fields of blooming tulips as far as the eye could see. The beauty of the bloom was dependent on the rain from these clouds.

The contrast of the dark and threatening skies and the fearless beauty of the flower seems important, essential even.  The focus of our vision determines what we see and what we make of the situation, of the picture before us. Do you typically see the storm clouds and fear the rain? Do raindrops make you want to go inside and wait for sunny weather? Do you see how the overcast skies serve to make the colors even brighter in contrast? Do you focus on the clouds or the flowers? What about in your life?  Do you focus on the fear, uncertainty, and suffering or do you savor and appreciate the contrasting joy and beauty? Do the dark days make the good days even more valuable and precious?  Where does your focus lie? How can you begin to reframe the storm clouds that may allow your view to change and the colors, the joy in your life, to “pop”?

Do you see wilting flowers or the beauty of the bouquet my boys bought for me a week past its harvest?

Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering, and find inspiring:

Don’t let the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing stop you from doing anything.

We start everything from a place of not knowing – walking, reading, dating, working. And through the doing, we learn.

We may not get it right the first time, but eventually, we know what we’re doing.

~ Neil Strauss, @neilstrass ~

Podcast I’m Listening to:

Quit Overthinking Things – HBR IdeaCast

Ethan Kross, Professor of Psychology at the University of Michigan, has spent years studying how people talk to themselves and the effect that this “chatter” has on our performance. From professional athletes to top students and senior business executives, even the most talented among us sometimes struggle to quiet the voices in our heads. And Kross says that, while some self-talk can help us, it’s often unproductive. He offers tips and tricks to break out of negative thinking and get back on track, especially at work.  He is the author of the book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It.

My notes:

I appreciated this podcast as I thought about the clouds and the flowers, and how our perspectives and lenses can become habits. Kross highlights negative thought loops, the inner voice, struggling with chatter, frequency, and intensity which can vary, and calls out the impacts of this chatter specifically on these areas of life:

  1. Thinking and performing at work
  2. Social Relationships
  3. Physical Health

Uncertainty propels chatter, and we can get stuck – this seems especially relevant in the uncertainty in which we’ve been living. I often refer to getting stuck as “the hamster wheel.” Kross also notes that chatter factors into depression and anxiety.  We have a lot of time alone with our thoughts.

Tips from Kross to tame the chatter:

  • Distant self-talk – giving advice to yourself that you’d give to someone else. Leverages language to switch our perspective and how we relate to ourselves.
  • Self-coaching
  • Temporal distancing or mental time travel – how will I feel 6 months from now? Broadens perspective and gives hope
  • Use environment to calm chatter – create focus

Book I am Reading:

I have been working to question and get curious about my own lens and habits, and on understanding and taking control of changing habits, such as I mentioned above for instance, the voice in my head that often allows negative self-talk to take the stage first.  As a part of this curiosity, I have been trying to cultivate a gratitude practice and space for a more positive, optimistic self-talk.  Working to cultivate new ways of being and new patterns has set me on a path to understand habits, and how I might break old habits and ways of seeing that may lead me astray or cause me to stumble.  Likewise, I want to understanding how I might replace these old habits with new habits that better serve me on my path.

The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and BusinessNEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • This instant classic explores how we can change our lives by changing our habits.

NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The Wall Street Journal • Financial Times

In The Power of Habit, award-winning business reporterCharles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Distilling vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives that take us from the boardrooms of Procter & Gamble to the sidelines of the NFL to the front lines of the civil rights movement, Duhigg presents a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential. At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.

With a new Afterword by the author

“Sharp, provocative, and useful.”—Jim Collins

“Few [books] become essential manuals for business and living. The Power of Habit is an exception. Charles Duhigg not only explains how habits are formed but how to kick bad ones and hang on to the good.”—Financial Times

“A flat-out great read.”—David Allen, bestselling author of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity
 
“You’ll never look at yourself, your organization, or your world quite the same way.”—Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of Drive and A Whole New Mind
 
“Entertaining . . . enjoyable . . . fascinating . . . a serious look at the science of habit formation and change.”—The New York Times Book Review

Please check out my latest blog post, Are we Losing Our Humanity?  You can also find recent posts Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, Lessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest, andBe and See the Light which are all still relevant to our current circumstances. If you missed my April edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. On April 27th, Kathy Hadizadeh and I kicked off the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Our next session will take place on Tuesday, June 22nd at 11 am PST and will focus on Self-Awareness. If you are interested in joining and co-creating this learning community, please use the link above to find out more and to come along for the journey!

I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!

As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Three Thoughts for Thursday – January 2021

January 22, 2021

I’m a day late, so this month I am adding a fourth thought for you to ponder and explore. Here are Four Thoughts for Friday! Happy New Year!

I’ve been noticing how on-edge people are these days – weary and at this critical tipping point.  I never know if I will be greeted by anger or frustration or by empathy and grace. I see people longing to be seen and feel this longing myself for empathy and human connection.  I also feel myself precariously balancing on the edge of an abyss from time to time, day to day.  We’ve been living in isolation for nearly a year, and if we ourselves aren’t constantly living in fear, the environment seems thick with apprehension.  We are on the edge of a chasm and in need of a new way forward. 

But!  Yes, I am starting a sentence with but… But, change is coming and we have the power to create our path forward.  The tunnel has been long and there is still great distance to cover until we fully emerge, however there is light at the end of the tunnel. We get to envision and create what lies beyond! 

January is generally a tough month for me.  Looking back on my Three Thoughts from last January, I noted the doldrums of this winter month.  If you’re like me, and I suspect there are many, I was so ready to close the door on 2020, I raced through the holidays and quickly packed them away for the first time in my life!  I raced eagerly into January 2021, working to control my expectations that simply turning the page of the calendar would solve all of 2020’s problems.  While I tried to be realistic, I embraced the hope and flicker of light this January seemed to provide.  

With this sense of controlled, apprehensive hope, I have been thinking about creativity and our human need for creating.  As we’ve turned the page of the calendar, I’ve been considering what I can do to create a new and better path forward. I’ve reflected on the last year filled with challenges, ups and downs, and have allowed myself to feel all the emotions and to consider all the lessons, to begin to ponder and dream what I’d like to create moving forward, after all, we create our reality.  This is my challenge for 2021 – to take the mess of 2020 and create something beautiful for 2021 and beyond – may the lessons live strong beyond just this next year!   

I challenge you to consider and allow yourself to acknowledge all the feelings experienced in 2020, the full range of emotions, and to lean into the lessons and learnings these emotions connect with and hold.  What did you experience?  How did your experiences make you feel?  What have you learned about yourself and about life that will serve you as you go forward?  What have you learned about strength, grit, resiliency, empathy, compassion, bravery and your own humanity? What do you hope to create this next year?  Over the next 5 years? 10 years?  What is your new vision for the future?

Photo by “My Life Through A Lens” on Unsplash

Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and find inspiring:

“Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”

~ Pablo Picasso ~

“Don’t throw your suffering away. Use it. Your suffering is the compost that gives you the understanding to nourish your happiness and the happiness of your loved ones.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh ~

Photo by Kevin Jarrett on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening to:

Ten Percent Happier – check out the Meditation App!

I’ve featured the Ten Percent Happier podcast with Dan Harris but want to pause and introduce the meditation app he offers.  To kick off the new year, he has been offering a meditation challenge and I have found the themes and reflection very helpful, inspiring and resonant.  Specifically, Day 9 asked “What is Happiness, Really?” and offered a reminder of the necessity and beauty of juxtaposition, and how to lean into emotions with equanimity.  Day 11 reminded me to be kind to myself with the theme “How You’d talk to a Friend” and Day 12 was a good reminder “You’re Not Alone.”  I have found myself pondering aloneness and loneliness.  Personally, I find when I choose to be alone, I’m happy, but force me to be alone as the isolation of 2020 has done and loneliness sets in with a vengeance. 

Not only are the themes relevant and great reminders we are not alone, they also offer the opportunity to practice meditation and grow that muscle to be present and aware. 

Photo by Alice Dietrich on Unsplash

Article I Recently Read:

I’ve written about rest and its importance myself, and came upon this insightful article on LinkedIn this past week entitled, “The 7 types of rest that every person needs” by Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD. 

During the pandemic, I have seen and heard a lot around the topic of “self-care”.  I often think about and get curious about what fills me up, what fills my cup, and as a coach, seek to help others also discover how to fill their cup.  My thinking has been much like the comparison to putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others and I’ve often told myself, I can be more useful if I take care of myself.  This article really helped me think about these ideas and thoughts in a new way and provided a new language and lens.  What types of rest do you need, provide for yourself or could use more of?

The article was featured on Ideas.TED.com and you can find more helpful topics and articles on the site.

Photo by Tim Arterbury on Unsplash

Book I am Reading and Reflecting Upon:

The Artist’s Way

By Julia Cameron

I recently purchased this book to inspire this year as I challenge myself to create my way forward. I am looking forward to the 12-week journey the book will guide me on and hope you will check it out, too!  Let me know what you think!  Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated! Share with me what you are reading, listening to, and where you are finding inspiration!

What Amazon Has to Say:

Since its first publication, The Artist’s Way phenomena has inspired the genius of Elizabeth Gilbert, Tim Ferriss, and millions of readers to embark on a creative journey and find a deeper connection to process and purpose. Julia Cameron’s novel approach guides readers in uncovering problems areas and pressure points that may be restricting their creative flow and offers techniques to free up any areas where they might be stuck, opening up opportunities for self-growth and self-discovery.
 
The program begins with Cameron’s most vital tools for creative recovery – The Morning Pages, a daily writing ritual of three pages of stream-of-conscious, and The Artist Date, a dedicated block of time to nurture your inner artist. From there, she shares hundreds of exercises, activities, and prompts to help readers thoroughly explore each chapter. She also offers guidance on starting a “Creative Cluster” of fellow artists who will support you in your creative endeavors.

A revolutionary program for personal renewal, The Artist’s Way will help get you back on track, rediscover your passions, and take the steps you need to change your life.

Photo by Peter Feghali on Unsplash

Please check out my blog posts on Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, and Lessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest, as well as my blog post on the light at the end of the tunnel – Be and See the Light! Stay tuned for my upcoming blog posts My Vision: The Power of EQ to Create Change and my thoughts on Courage vs. Confidence!  If you missed my December edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Expanding & Aligning – Three Thoughts for Thursday – January 2023

January 23, 2023

Expanding and Aligning with Possibilities and Opportunities

As I write this, it is Tuesday, and I am in the moment, practicing letting go…I just drafted my thoughts for January on surrendering expectations and expanding possibilities and opportunities, only to fail to save the draft and to be forced to begin again.  Ironic?! Ouch!  Accepting the disappointment, frustration, and breathing deeply as I begin again…
 
January typically feels like the doldrums to me; a great letdown after months of holidays and excitement.  After several years of working on accepting January and on reframing in order to more fully embrace the month, I have noticed I feel pretty neutral and open to the month of January, open to the lessons that lie ahead, open to experiencing something different than feeling disappointed, let down, disoriented, by the hard shift to quiet.
 
I had planned to attend Fielding’s Winter Session for the Ph.D. program I am in, in person, in Santa Barbara for the first time in three years, and only the second time in my time as a Ph.D. student.  I boarded a flight directly to Santa Barbara, planning to make the conference my only focus. When the time approached for the flight to take off, instead, we were deplaned, and the flight was canceled as the Santa Barbara airport closed due to flooding. I quickly made plan B and made the necessary arrangements to change my flight to land in LA later that evening.  I was planning to meet my good friend from college in SB for an evening to catch up.  Instead, she offered to pick me up in LA, and we’d drive up the coast together. We made it to Camarillo before the roads closed.  Thankfully we found hotel rooms, ran to Trader Joe’s nearby, and spent the evening together. We’d still achieve the goal of conversation and time spent together.
 
The next day, the roads were still closed, so I made the tough decision to cancel the rest of my planned trip to Santa Barbara.  Alaska Airlines was willing to fly me back from LA, and a good friend in LA was ready and willing to host me.  We even got to go to dinner at a favorite restaurant. Originally, I was to fly back on the 12th, but then the airline decided to send me home on the 11th.  Truth be told, having wrapped my mind around leaving on the 12th, I was disappointed again.  Another situation in which to practice acceptance – acceptance of the circumstances and of the disappointment.
 
I arrived home, and we headed out on our annual trip to Suncadia for my husband’s birthday weekend.  We had a great time playing in the snow, tubing, sledding, snowshoeing, ice skating, swimming, and of course, going down the water slides!  On our final day, we headed to the pool before driving home.  My first trip down the slide entailed falling up the stairs and scraping up both shins and a knee.  I had the full “kid experience” of joy, disappointment, frustration, pain, and a choice to make – let an injury ruin my time or regroup and dive back into the fun.  I took a moment and felt grateful my kids could witness this experience of mom being in their shoes, of mom getting hurt and having to make a decision about what to do next. I took care of my wounds and returned to the slide to end our weekend with 25 trips down the slide in the books. I was also grateful to have the example of my kids, who are resilient and so quick to recover; they inspired me to jump back into the fun, too. I was again reminded of the importance of feeling all the emotions, accepting what is, and choosing how to go forward in each of these experiences.  I am sitting with gratitude for this January reminder that it doesn’t take the start of a new year to make a change, to choose a different path, or to show up differently.  Each season, each month, each week, each new day, and each breath we take presents an opportunity to start again.
 
So, this January, this week, this day, this moment, this breath, what needs acceptance?  What needs to change? What needs to be let go of? How will you move forward? Who will you become? How will you show up for yourself and others in a new way that will support your growth and honor theirs? What will you bring forth? As you inhale, pause, and exhale, how might you begin to see all the opportunities and possibilities for change? As the sun rises again, what does this new day offer and what will you do with the offer?

Quote I’m pondering:

“In the game of life, what I’m solving for is regret minimization. . .I want the highest score in net fulfillment.”

~ Bill Perkins ~

What I’m listening to:

Optimizing Life for Maximum Fulfillment, Episode #237

The Drive with Peter Attia

Bill Perkins is one of the world’s most successful hedge fund managers and entrepreneurs, and the author of the bestseller, Die With Zero. In this episode, Bill unpacks the Die With Zero philosophy which challenges conventional thinking related to the balance between health, wealth, and time—the three variables important for fulfillment. Bill makes the case that we should strive for maximum net fulfillment rather than net worth (or even health). He argues that we need to optimize our life to have memorable experiences before it’s too late and that most people are over-saving and under-living. Bill also explains how one can apply the principles in Die With Zero to break out of “autopilot” and optimize their life to achieve maximum net fulfillment.

Peter and Bill discuss:

  • Bill’s upbringing, background, and first job on Wall Street [3:15];
  • A missed experience and feeling of regret that shaped Bill’s thinking [14:15];
  • Thinking in terms of time, and the relationship between money, time, and health [17:00];
  • Solving for net fulfillment and allocating your time based on the seasons of life [27:15];
  • How Bill thinks about risk, opportunity costs, and the difference between fear and risk tolerance [35:30];
  • Optimizing for fulfillment, finding purpose outside of work, and more [41:45];
  • Thinking about the order of experiences you want to have based on seasons of life [50:00];
  • Bill’s unique perspective on philanthropy and a more impactful way to give money away [54:45];
  • Applying the principles in ‘Die With Zero’ to maximize fulfillment [1:04:00];
  • How to break out of living life on autopilot [1:14:30];
  • When should your net worth peak? [1:18:00];
  • Taking calculated risks [1:21:30];
  • Bill shares a lesson from his incredible birthday [1:25:15];
  • How Bill’s philosophy has evolved since writing Die With Zero [1:34:00]; and
  • More

Don’t be surprised if Bill’s book, Die With Zero comes up again in a future post…

What I’m reading:

This book has been sitting with me and impacting me already with the ideas of aligning with what is and the direction of what is unfolding before me in order to increase resilience and joy in life. I have been inspired by the ideas of how I might accept, cultivate and make the most of what has been given to me rather than spending so much energy longing and striving for something else, perhaps something not meant for me at all. I’m curious about what might come from pausing, being present, aligning, and investing in cultivating all that I’ve already been generously provided; my new endeavor is acceptance, expansion, and peace.

Resonate: Zen and the Way of Making a Difference by Ginny Whitelaw

In a world of great noise, disruption, and dysfunction, it’s hard to be heard or know how to make a difference. But master the principal underlying change, and you can live your most significant, joyful, and resilient life. That principle is resonance, and Resonate is your guide. In these pages, you’ll discover

  • How resonance does everything
  • How you can become a more resonant being
  • How you can apply resonance to bring about change, from love and relationships, to goals and dreams, to large-scale social change

You’ve likely heard of “being on the same wavelength.” But prepare to be surprised by how pervasive resonance is, and how powerfully you can affect it. Resonance connects the inner and outer worlds, linking subjective experience and objective impact. It cannot be faked or fooled; resonance is a physical fact. But how we resonate is a choice, a condition we can cultivate. Combining the physics of energy transfer in the human body with physical practices adopted from Zen training, Resonate uniquely integrates how we can develop ourselves to change our world. Let Resonate show the Way.

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.
 
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
In September 2022, I completed a year-long, quarterly series entitled “EQ and WooWoo” with my colleague and Spiritual Coach, Katie Kay. If you are intrigued and would like to learn more about this year’s series, Yoga, EQ & WooWoo, please email me or click here to see what we have planned with Hola House. This workshop series was designed to help you manifest action toward the year you want to live, the person you want to be, and the goals you want to achieve.  These quarterly sessions intertwine the use of Yoga, Tarot (and other WooWoo tools), and Emotional Intelligence to help you and your clients step outside the box in order to take your coaching and personal work deeper.
 
Also, in September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I look forward to hosting quarterly events for local women in 2023 – stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please stay tuned for another year of EI learning and growth as a part of these sessions.  You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the EQ & WooWoo Workshops. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of expansion, opportunity, possibility, and the courage to embrace and align!