I’ve been pondering my own negative reaction to the idea of intentions as we begin the year 2022, and I hear people begin to talk of setting resolutions and intentions. Just thinking about the word, intention, I feel my face scrunch up into a frown or grimace, a face full of skepticism and disdain. I feel frustration, even anger, and my temperature rises. I had to look up the word to determine exactly what it meant apart from my associations, interpretations, and strong, visceral reaction.
In-ten-tion: noun, a thing intended; an aim or plan.
“She was full of good intentions”
Synonyms – aim, intent
Perhaps some of my disdain stems from the fact that the word is a noun, and a noun alone is devoid of action. Come January or tomorrow or even today, don’t we want to create action? When I think about reflecting and looking forward, I think about change and achievement and choice, actively moving forward, not just hanging out with a noun. Then I start thinking about the meaning of this noun, and for me, the word intention seems to become synonymous with an excuse, another noun and stumbling block for creating action.
“A thing intended; an aim or plan” is the definition that comes up when I google the word, intention. I don’t want to intend to act, I want to create action. I don’t want to aim at a goal, I want to accomplish the goal. I don’t want to simply make a plan, I want to actively start walking, taking the steps, doing the work with purpose. What describes how I want to act is the adjective form, intentional.
In-ten-tion-al: adjective, done on purpose; deliberate
“He was cited with intentional wrongdoing and harm.”
Synonyms – deliberate, calculated, conscious
I want to be deliberate and conscious and calculated, but again, “to be” still isn’t an active verb. “To be” still sounds stuck in one place, to me.
What gets closer to the action I seek to live by, or the verb form of “intention”, is to act intentionally, deliberately, on purpose. I want to live with purpose, act with purpose, make decisions with purpose. A friend, colleague, and fellow coach, over the years, has taught me the importance of language. The words we use, think, and speak are attached to our actions and either propel us forward or hold us hostage. My intentions will no longer hold me hostage!
My word for 2022 is INTENTIONALLY.
In-ten-tion-al-ly: adverb, deliberately; on purpose.
“I intentionally scheduled time to talk.”
Synonyms – deliberately, on purpose
I will act with intention. I will be intentional. I will make decisions and choices about how I spend my time, how I use my resources, how I choose my words, how I show up, and what I accomplish INTENTIONALLY. I will not set intentions and shrug them off to have been good but not important enough to achieve or at least create action in an attempt to achieve. I will not set intentions and use them to excuse my lack of action. I will intentionally make choices to ensure I am intentional about living my life and achieving my goals and I will manifest with intention. Sure, intention can come along, but I will be intentional about intentionally creating the path ahead. I will not be detoured by good intentions but will be guided by intentionally seeking, exploring, designing, generating, and producing the year I envision.
Words are important as they form the stories we tell ourselves and the reality we create. What is your guiding word for 2022? What words do you use that may be holding you back or getting in your way? How might you be more intentional with your words and intentionally write new stories and create new realities?
It’s the Season of Thanksgiving! What are you grateful for? What practices of gratitude do you have? How does gratitude serve to shift your lens, your mood, your outlook?
What do you call this season – Fall or Autumn? What colors and experiences are you appreciating and learning from this season that will aid you in your growth next spring?
Are you looking for a path to follow, a recipe to execute, or the inspiration, permission, and support to bake your own creation? It can be a fine line between following and forging.
Joy… What comes to mind when you think of joy? Have you heard the term “unadulterated joy”? Take that term apart – “un-adult” – and it seems to imply adulthood gets in the way of joy. I recently had a conversation about my own relationship with joy and this idea that I need to earn it, need to complete all the tasks on my to-do list before I can experience joy. Unsurprisingly, the to-do list is never-ending! Does this resonate with any of you, this idea that joy is only allowed once you’ve done your chores? When I also think more about joy, I think of children and the purity of their joy in the simple pleasures and new experiences of life – playing in the rain or running through the sprinklers, eating ice cream, learning to walk and run, building a fort or a Lego creation, sharing their success, playing at the park – the list goes on and on. I have memories of this joy, but I admit, I often think partaking in that kind of joy is now out of reach as an adult.
But what if it is not? What if we can still tap into that child-like, “unadulterated” joy? What if we don’t have to earn it but can stop and experience joy along the way, as we work through that never-ending to-do list of adulthood? If the list is never-ending, what’s the harm in a break from time to time? This is what I encourage you to think about as you read this June edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday and embark upon the summer months. How can you invite more joy into your life? How might joy be just the thing you need to fill up and go further? How might you look at life through the eyes of a child and pause now and then to pick a dandelion, eat a popsicle on a hot day, laugh, jump in a puddle, and simply live in the joy of the moment?
Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and find inspiring:
“Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.”
You might think you know what it takes to lead a happier life… more money, a better job, or Instagram-worthy vacations. You’re dead wrong. Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. Based on the psychology course she teaches at Yale — the most popular class in the university’s 300-year history — The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos will take you through the latest scientific research and share some surprising and inspiring stories that will change the way you think about happiness.
The challenges of life often cause us to work frantically to overcome our difficulties – but the Chinese thinker Lao Tzu recommended that instead we should emulate the slow, steady, yet powerful flow of a river.
Solala Towler has studies and taught the principles of Daoism for more than 30 years – and explains how we can implement them into our daily lives. Things like retaining our childlike wonder, being content to go with the flow, and appreciating moderation in all things so that we don’t burn ourselves out.
Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question. Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet.
In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu traveled to the Dalai Lama’s home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness’s eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering?
They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy.
This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final good-bye.
We get to listen as they explore the Nature of True Joy and confront each of the Obstacles of Joy—from fear, stress, and anger to grief, illness, and death. They then offer us the Eight Pillars of Joy, which provide the foundation for lasting happiness. Throughout, they include stories, wisdom, and science. Finally, they share their daily Joy Practices that anchor their own emotional and spiritual lives.
The Archbishop has never claimed sainthood, and the Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, of courage, and of joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives.
Recently, I had the opportunity to be a guest on a podcast – my first time and it was so fun! Erika Parker Price created the podcast, Ready, Pause, Go, “the only podcast that focuses on the POWER of the career pause.” You can listen to my episode with her here.
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations! Your feedback is always appreciated!
On my wedding day, we had planned to say our vows outdoors in the autumn beauty of Southwestern Colorado. I’d grown up there and the fall was always my favorite time of year with warm, sunny days and beautiful aspens turning gold among the evergreens. We woke up to rain, not just a drizzle, but torrential downpour, complete with thunder and lightning. No problem, we had a backup plan to move the ceremony indoors. Then the power went out so we hunted up every candle we could find. No problem, surely the power would be restored by dinnertime. We took photos, dashing out from the covered patio when the rain would take a break to capture the shot. The overcast skies made the colors pop! The power did not come back on in time for dinner. No problem, the stoves were gas stoves and a few friends had brought their guitars – dinner by candlelight and music played by friends, what a gift!
This year, we made it to the Tulip Festival in Skagit Valley just north of where we live. It was a bit rainy as we set out. No problem, there were no crowds to navigate, and wow did the colors pop! As we stood in the colorful fields of tulips and daffodils, storm clouds overhead, a light drizzle around us, I couldn’t help but think of my wedding day, and in a broader sense, of how the storms of life can make joy really stand out. I also couldn’t help but see the joy of my boys as they boughtme a bouquet of flowers. The clouds and drizzle couldn’t dampen the beauty they saw. As I looked through their eyes, I, too, felt joy in the beauty I saw before me in the meeting of the storm clouds and the fields of blooming tulips as far as the eye could see. The beauty of the bloom was dependent on the rain from these clouds.
The contrast of the dark and threatening skies and the fearless beauty of the flower seems important, essential even. The focus of our vision determines what we see and what we make of the situation, of the picture before us. Do you typically see the storm clouds and fear the rain? Do raindrops make you want to go inside and wait for sunny weather? Do you see how the overcast skies serve to make the colors even brighter in contrast? Do you focus on the clouds or the flowers? What about in your life? Do you focus on the fear, uncertainty, and suffering or do you savor and appreciate the contrasting joy and beauty? Do the dark days make the good days even more valuable and precious? Where does your focus lie? How can you begin to reframe the storm clouds that may allow your view to change and the colors, the joy in your life, to “pop”?
Do you see wilting flowers or the beauty of the bouquet my boys bought for me a week past its harvest?
Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering, and find inspiring:
Don’t let the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing stop you from doing anything.
We start everything from a place of not knowing – walking, reading, dating, working. And through the doing, we learn.
We may not get it right the first time, but eventually, we know what we’re doing.
Ethan Kross, Professor of Psychology at the University of Michigan, has spent years studying how people talk to themselves and the effect that this “chatter” has on our performance. From professional athletes to top students and senior business executives, even the most talented among us sometimes struggle to quiet the voices in our heads. And Kross says that, while some self-talk can help us, it’s often unproductive. He offers tips and tricks to break out of negative thinking and get back on track, especially at work. He is the author of the book, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why it Matters, and How to Harness It.
My notes:
I appreciated this podcast as I thought about the clouds and the flowers, and how our perspectives and lenses can become habits. Kross highlights negative thought loops, the inner voice, struggling with chatter, frequency, and intensity which can vary, and calls out the impacts of this chatter specifically on these areas of life:
Thinking and performing at work
Social Relationships
Physical Health
Uncertainty propels chatter, and we can get stuck – this seems especially relevant in the uncertainty in which we’ve been living. I often refer to getting stuck as “the hamster wheel.” Kross also notes that chatter factors into depression and anxiety. We have a lot of time alone with our thoughts.
Tips from Kross to tame the chatter:
Distant self-talk – giving advice to yourself that you’d give to someone else. Leverages language to switch our perspective and how we relate to ourselves.
Self-coaching
Temporal distancing or mental time travel – how will I feel 6 months from now? Broadens perspective and gives hope
Use environment to calm chatter – create focus
Book I am Reading:
I have been working to question and get curious about my own lens and habits, and on understanding and taking control of changing habits, such as I mentioned above for instance, the voice in my head that often allows negative self-talk to take the stage first. As a part of this curiosity, I have been trying to cultivate a gratitude practice and space for a more positive, optimistic self-talk. Working to cultivate new ways of being and new patterns has set me on a path to understand habits, and how I might break old habits and ways of seeing that may lead me astray or cause me to stumble. Likewise, I want to understanding how I might replace these old habits with new habits that better serve me on my path.
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The Wall Street Journal • Financial Times
In The Power of Habit, award-winning business reporterCharles Duhigg takes us to the thrilling edge of scientific discoveries that explain why habits exist and how they can be changed. Distilling vast amounts of information into engrossing narratives that take us from the boardrooms of Procter & Gamble to the sidelines of the NFL to the front lines of the civil rights movement, Duhigg presents a whole new understanding of human nature and its potential. At its core, The Power of Habit contains an exhilarating argument: The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work. As Duhigg shows, by harnessing this new science, we can transform our businesses, our communities, and our lives.
With a new Afterword by the author
“Sharp, provocative, and useful.”—Jim Collins
“Few [books] become essential manuals for business and living. The Power of Habit is an exception. Charles Duhigg not only explains how habits are formed but how to kick bad ones and hang on to the good.”—Financial Times
“A flat-out great read.”—David Allen, bestselling author of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity “You’ll never look at yourself, your organization, or your world quite the same way.”—Daniel H. Pink, bestselling author of Drive and A Whole New Mind “Entertaining . . . enjoyable . . . fascinating . . . a serious look at the science of habit formation and change.”—The New York Times Book Review
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
I’m a day late, so this month I am adding a fourth thought for you to ponder and explore. Here are Four Thoughts for Friday! Happy New Year!
I’ve been noticing how on-edge people are these days – weary and at this critical tipping point. I never know if I will be greeted by anger or frustration or by empathy and grace. I see people longing to be seen and feel this longing myself for empathy and human connection. I also feel myself precariously balancing on the edge of an abyss from time to time, day to day. We’ve been living in isolation for nearly a year, and if we ourselves aren’t constantly living in fear, the environment seems thick with apprehension. We are on the edge of a chasm and in need of a new way forward.
But! Yes, I am starting a sentence with but… But, change is coming and we have the power to create our path forward. The tunnel has been long and there is still great distance to cover until we fully emerge, however there is light at the end of the tunnel. We get to envision and create what lies beyond!
January is generally a tough month for me. Looking back on my Three Thoughts from last January, I noted the doldrums of this winter month. If you’re like me, and I suspect there are many, I was so ready to close the door on 2020, I raced through the holidays and quickly packed them away for the first time in my life! I raced eagerly into January 2021, working to control my expectations that simply turning the page of the calendar would solve all of 2020’s problems. While I tried to be realistic, I embraced the hope and flicker of light this January seemed to provide.
With this sense of controlled, apprehensive hope, I have been thinking about creativity and our human need for creating. As we’ve turned the page of the calendar, I’ve been considering what I can do to create a new and better path forward. I’ve reflected on the last year filled with challenges, ups and downs, and have allowed myself to feel all the emotions and to consider all the lessons, to begin to ponder and dream what I’d like to create moving forward, after all, we create our reality. This is my challenge for 2021 – to take the mess of 2020 and create something beautiful for 2021 and beyond – may the lessons live strong beyond just this next year!
I challenge you to consider and allow yourself to acknowledge all the feelings experienced in 2020, the full range of emotions, and to lean into the lessons and learnings these emotions connect with and hold. What did you experience? How did your experiences make you feel? What have you learned about yourself and about life that will serve you as you go forward? What have you learned about strength, grit, resiliency, empathy, compassion, bravery and your own humanity? What do you hope to create this next year? Over the next 5 years? 10 years? What is your new vision for the future?
Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and find inspiring:
“Without great solitude, no serious work is possible.”
~ Pablo Picasso ~
“Don’t throw your suffering away. Use it. Your suffering is the compost that gives you the understanding to nourish your happiness and the happiness of your loved ones.”
I’ve featured the Ten Percent Happier podcast with Dan Harris but want to pause and introduce the meditation app he offers. To kick off the new year, he has been offering a meditation challenge and I have found the themes and reflection very helpful, inspiring and resonant. Specifically, Day 9 asked “What is Happiness, Really?” and offered a reminder of the necessity and beauty of juxtaposition, and how to lean into emotions with equanimity. Day 11 reminded me to be kind to myself with the theme “How You’d talk to a Friend” and Day 12 was a good reminder “You’re Not Alone.” I have found myself pondering aloneness and loneliness. Personally, I find when I choose to be alone, I’m happy, but force me to be alone as the isolation of 2020 has done and loneliness sets in with a vengeance.
Not only are the themes relevant and great reminders we are not alone, they also offer the opportunity to practice meditation and grow that muscle to be present and aware.
I’ve written about rest and its importance myself, and came upon this insightful article on LinkedIn this past week entitled, “The 7 types of rest that every person needs” by Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD.
During the pandemic, I have seen and heard a lot around the topic of “self-care”. I often think about and get curious about what fills me up, what fills my cup, and as a coach, seek to help others also discover how to fill their cup. My thinking has been much like the comparison to putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others and I’ve often told myself, I can be more useful if I take care of myself. This article really helped me think about these ideas and thoughts in a new way and provided a new language and lens. What types of rest do you need, provide for yourself or could use more of?
The article was featured on Ideas.TED.com and you can find more helpful topics and articles on the site.
I recently purchased this book to inspire this year as I challenge myself to create my way forward. I am looking forward to the 12-week journey the book will guide me on and hope you will check it out, too! Let me know what you think! Your feedback is always welcome and appreciated! Share with me what you are reading, listening to, and where you are finding inspiration!
What Amazon Has to Say:
Since its first publication, The Artist’s Way phenomena has inspired the genius of Elizabeth Gilbert, Tim Ferriss, and millions of readers to embark on a creative journey and find a deeper connection to process and purpose. Julia Cameron’s novel approach guides readers in uncovering problems areas and pressure points that may be restricting their creative flow and offers techniques to free up any areas where they might be stuck, opening up opportunities for self-growth and self-discovery.
The program begins with Cameron’s most vital tools for creative recovery – The Morning Pages, a daily writing ritual of three pages of stream-of-conscious, and The Artist Date, a dedicated block of time to nurture your inner artist. From there, she shares hundreds of exercises, activities, and prompts to help readers thoroughly explore each chapter. She also offers guidance on starting a “Creative Cluster” of fellow artists who will support you in your creative endeavors.
A revolutionary program for personal renewal, The Artist’s Way will help get you back on track, rediscover your passions, and take the steps you need to change your life.
Please check out my blog posts on Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, and Lessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest, as well as my blog post on the light at the end of the tunnel – Be and See the Light! Stay tuned for my upcoming blog posts My Vision: The Power of EQ to Create Change and my thoughts on Courage vs. Confidence! If you missed my December edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching 