Category: featured

I lost a dear friend to a stroke last week.  Rod Graham first came to our home to paint our downstairs family room and a room upstairs that would become the nursery for our second child.  He spent quite a lot of time in our home – he was not fast, but honest and meticulous.  My son, not yet 2 years old at the time, nicknamed him “Mr. Paint” and it stuck.  Over the years, he painted the office of a friend, the condo of my in-laws, and eventually when we returned to our home after two years in Los Angeles, he painted every room in our house himself so as to get us settled back in as soon as possible.  He lovingly refinished our deck, complete with a furniture finish, bringing life back to the wood we weren’t sure we could save, and making this outdoor space as inviting as the indoors. I was looking forward to him being around this summer to paint the exterior of our home.  His Christmas card had reassured me he would hire a crew and certainly wouldn’t attempt to paint the whole exterior of the house himself. He’d spent nearly 9 months painting the interior – have I mentioned he was meticulous? I also learned to appreciate that Mr. Paint didn’t let work consume him; he made time for people and activities that brought him joy.  I remember on more than one occasion, he wrapped up for the day around 3 or 4 pm and changed to go listen to live music and enjoy a glass of wine. He was always reading something new and interesting, and never hesitated to take time to have a conversation.

Mr. Paint was far more than a house painter, he was a cherished friend and inspiration. At 71 years young, he was a curious, wise, and kind man. We not only discussed paint colors, but books, philosophy, and life.  He had taken an interesting and winding path. Having studied marketing and accounting at UW before finding his way into painting, his journey was unique and I appreciated the opportunity to hear his story and his learnings, his musings and humorous contemplations.  He didn’t seem to take life too seriously and seemed adept at rolling with the punches. I am grateful to have witnessed his reflections, experienced his kindness and joy, his love of books, and his friendship and support.  He always took the time to comment on my latest Three Thoughts email or blog post, to share a quote, to text me a message of hello and a note for my boys.  He was humble, honest, and unassuming, and I am so grateful to have known him.  I dedicate this month’s Three Thoughts for Thursday to Rod Graham, our dear Mr. Paint. May you rest in peace and may we all take more time to laugh and learn, to explore with genuine curiosity, and to appreciate the beauty, creativity, and depth within ourselves, and within one another.

~

As I thought about this month’s post, and about my friend, Rod Graham, I thought a great deal about our unique abilities, talents, and creativity as human beings, often not apparent at first glance.  Whether it is baking or painting, drawing or writing code, landscaping or poetry, knitting or building an engine, photography, making a snow angel or building a snowman, we each have an inherent need to create. We have unique and imaginative gifts and outlets, ways of filling ourselves with positive energy and sharing this positivity with others.  This month, I encourage you to reflect upon and ponder your own creativity. What are your talents and abilities?  What do you enjoy creating?  How does creating, innovating and using your talents make you feel? How might you allow yourself more time and space to expand your ingenuity and to harness this energy?  How might you inspire others to lean into their talents and abilities, and to make space to create?  What if you took more time to get to know yourself and others, and the hidden creativeness within? How might creativity be the key to resourcefulness and making other aspects of your life better?

Photo by RhondaK Native Florida Folk Artist on Unsplash

Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and find inspiring:

“We build up cognitive reserves that way [doing things we love], which will help us when emotional turmoil inevitably strikes.”

~ Marc Brackett, Permission to Feel (162) ~

“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.”

~ Pablo Picasso ~

“You were born an original.  Don’t die a copy.”

~ John Mason ~

Podcast I’m Listening to:

Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations – FULFILLMENT

Making the shift from self to service brings joy and also a deep sense of fulfillment to our jobs, relationships and the vision we create of our best life, says Oprah’s friend Gary Zukav. He says this is the moment when we discover authentic power – “when your personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul.” Fulfilling your purpose, with meaning, is what gives you that powerful spark of energy unique only to you, he says.  In this episode of Super Soul Conversations, Oprah sits down with such inspirational teachers, including Gary Zukav, Mastin Kipp, Paulo Coehlo, Sue Monk Kidd, Pastor Wintley Phipps, Nate Berkus, Diana Nyad, India Arie, Janet Mock, Jack Canfield, Daniel Pink, Daniel Goleman, Shawn Achor, Jeff Weiner, Wes Moore, Shonda Rhimes and Devon Franklin, to reveal how we can tap that source, which is our highest and truest version of ourselves. Interviews with these talented writers, speakers and thought leaders are excerpted from Oprah’s Emmy Award-winning show Super Soul Sunday.  You can also find this compilation and other insightful conversations in Oprah’s best-selling book The Wisdom of Sundays.

Book I am Reading:

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

This month, rather than a self-development book, I am sharing a book I am listening to on Audible, not for work but for my personal enjoyment and expansion.  Recommended by a friend, I was looking to experience a new author, a new story, and to expand my repertoire. I have been listening to this book to challenge my listening skills and have loved being able to listen to the story as I run, as I drive, as I sit quietly, or as I make dinner – there is always time to listen.

Winner of the NBCC’s John Leonard First Book Prize, a New York Times 2016 Notable Book, one of Oprah’s 10 Favorite Books of 2016, NPR’s Debut Novel of the Year, one of Buzzfeed’s Best Fiction Books of 2016, One of Time’s Top 10 Novels of 2016, Ta-Nehisi Coates notes “Homegoing is an inspiration.”  The unforgettable New York Times best seller begins with the story of two half-sisters, separated by forces beyond their control: one sold into slavery, the other married to a British slaver. Written with tremendous sweep and power, Homegoing traces the generations of family who follow, as their destinies lead them through two continents and 300 years of history, each life indelibly drawn, as the legacy of slavery is fully revealed in light of the present day.

Effia and Esi are born into different villages in 18^th-century Ghana.  Effia is married off to an Englishman and lives in comfort in the palatial rooms of Cape Coast Castle. Unbeknownst to Effia, her sister, Esi, is imprisoned beneath her in the castle’s dungeons, sold with thousands of others into the Gold Coast’s booming slave trade, and shipped off to America, where her children and grandchildren will be raised in slavery. One thread of Homegoing follows Effia’s descendants through centuries of warfare in Ghana, as the Fante and Asante nations wrestle with the slave trade and British colonization. The other thread follows Esi and her children into America. From the plantations of the South to the Civil War and the Great Migration, from the coal mines of Pratt City, Alabama, to the jazz clubs and dope houses of 20^th-century Harlem, right up through the present day, f makes history visceral and captures, with singular and stunning immediacy, how the memory of captivity came to be inscribed on the soul of a nation.

Please check out my blog posts on Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, and Lessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest, as well as my blog post on the light at the end of the tunnel – Be and See the Light! Stay tuned for my upcoming blog posts, Are We Losing Our Humanity?,  My Vision: The Power of EQ to Create Change, and my thoughts on Courage vs. Confidence!  If you missed my January edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

It is this time of year I think about the winter solstice.  The dark nights are longer than the days, and here in Seattle, the rainy days this time of year often make the darkness seem ongoing. This year, a special event is set to occur on this longest night of the year.  Saturn and Jupiter will appear the closest together they have been in four centuries.  Known as the “Great Conjunction” Jupiter and Saturn haven’t been this close since 1623, during the Middle Ages. Appearing as a single star, these two plants will come within one tenth of a degree apart.

As I consider this rare event taking place in conjunction with the yearly occurrence of the solstice, it seems fitting that this coming together of Jupiter and Saturn happens as 2020 comes to a close.  This rare event marks a rare and wild year!  What does this event have to teach us as 2020 winds down?  I have been reflecting upon the title, “Great Conjunction”, given to the merging of planets in the sky. Conjunction refers to events happening at the same time or two planets or celestial objects appearing to be in the same place in the sky.  I have been pondering what other “conjunctions” have occurred this year that have demanded our attention or have provided some sort of light or illumination. 

Many unusual events have happened globally, nationally, locally, and in my own life bubble.  Several events have happened at the same time that have caused me to pause and reflect this year.  In this unusual year, as we end with this rare “Great Conjunction” of the Winter Solstice and the coming together of Jupiter and Saturn, I encourage you to ponder the year and the other conjunctions you have experienced or observed.  What new insights might you see?  Thinking of 2020 or 20/20, have things been made clearer through the lens of this year?  As you reflect, what are you seeing?  How is your view changing?  What clarity have you gained?  What has come together or connected for you?  What are you making of this rare year?  What rare glimpses of light have you been given that are serving you as you walk forward into the new year?

Quote or Passage I am sitting with, pondering and finding inspiration in:

If everything around you seems dark, look again.  You may be the light.

~ Rumi ~

Podcast I’m Listening to:

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Episode #246: Losing Your Patience? Here’s How to Get it Back

This pandemic is a colossal test of our patience – from dealing with family to interminable long wait times on calls with the unemployment office to just wanting this whole nightmare to evaporate so we can go back to the movies. We’ve got a special, two-part episode. In the first part, we bring on a pair of researchers who study patience. The good news: They have found that patience is a quality we can train and develop through meditation and other strategies, including cognitive reappraisal, transcendence, or just learning how to fake it until you make it. (Side note: we also fall into an interesting chat about the benefits of defensive pessimism versus strategic optimism.) After the researchers, we bring on legendary medication teacher Sharon Salzberg for a deeper dive into how to use meditation to increase our patience, especially when it comes to interpersonal stuff (which, let’s be honest, includes other people and ourselves). Our patience experts are Dr. Sarah Schnitker from the Psychology and Neuroscience Department at Baylor University, and Dr. Kate Sweeny from the Psychology Department at the University of California, Riverside.

Episode #250: Holding it Together When Things Fall Apart with Pema Chodron

Pema Chodron has seemingly been trying to prepare us for this pandemic for years, through a series of popular books, with titles such as When Things Fall Apart, Welcoming the Unwelcome, and The Wisdom of No Escape. But as you will hear, she is anything but gloomy.  Like all of the great meditation teachers I’ve met, she has a lightness and a sense of humor about her. Notwithstanding her chipper demeanor, she has worked hard to point out to her readers and students that groundlessness and uncertainty are fundamental facts of life – which are becoming increasingly salient in our current crisis. Pema Chodron was born Deirdre Blomfield in Connecticut.  She lived a conventional life, going to UC Berkeley, becoming a school teacher, and having a pair of kids. But after a rough divorce, she found herself adrift. During this time, she discovered Tibetan Buddhism, shave her head, and became a nun. Now in her mid-eighties, she lives in rural Nova Scotia, where she is the director of Gampo Abbey. We connected with her on an old-school landline. We talked about how to actually welcome the unwelcome. We also discussed how to befriend your demons, sympathize without being stupid, lighten up in th efface of fear, and embrace chaos as “extremely good news.”

Book I am Reading and Reflecting Upon:

Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization (Leadership for the Common Good) By Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey

Unlock your potential and finally move forward.

A recent study showed that when doctors tell heart patients they will die if they don’t change their habits, only one in seven will be able to follow through successfully. Desire and motivation aren’t enough: even when it’s literally a matter of life or death, the ability to change remains maddeningly elusive.

Given that the status quo is so potent, how can we change ourselves and our organizations?

In Immunity to Change, authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey show how our individual beliefs–along with the collective mind-sets in our organizations–combine to create a natural but powerful immunity to change. By revealing how this mechanism holds us back, Kegan and Lahey give us the keys to unlock our potential and finally move forward. And by pinpointing and uprooting our own immunities to change, we can bring our organizations forward with us.

This persuasive and practical book, filled with hands-on diagnostics and compelling case studies, delivers the tools you need to overcome the forces of inertia and transform your life and your work.

I was introduced to the Immunity to Change program and work during my time in the Evidence-Based Coaching program at Fielding Graduate University. This fall, I finally took the opportunity to participate in the 3-day facilitator’s training program with Minds at Work. I was privileged to meet and hear from Dr. Kegan, Dr. Lahey and Dr. Helsing themselves as they led us through their process of transforming and becoming. This work, and their book, provide an insightful and unique path to illuminating the assumptions and beliefs that hold us back, as well as what is at the root of our goals and how to reframe our barriers to allow us to move forward.  I also found helpful, the way the map they have created, really encourages, requires in fact, authenticity and honesty, in order to put forth meaningful and impactful goals to help us create real and lasting change.  I am excited to be able to use this work and to pair it with Emotional Intelligence and coaching in both workshops and work with one-on-one clients to further serve to support lasting transformation.

Hear me speak about my personal and professional journey, Emotional Intelligence and coaching on CloseUp Radio, December 17^th at 9 am PST/12 pm EST, or listen to the recording of the interview. Please check out my latest blog posts on Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and Lessons from the Run, Part 2: Resilience, and Lessons from the Run, Part 3: Rest, as well as my post, See and Be the Light.  Stay tuned for my upcoming blog post on My Vision: The Power of EQ to Create Change!  If you missed my November edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

The leaves have fallen, and the trees are bare. While some may find this sad, or see the trees as barren, I find I can now see the individual trees in the forest.  I can also see through the forest.  The view has opened up before me and the path through the trees is more evident. My view is no longer obscured.  As the end of the year approaches, I have been considering this season and time of harvest, the clearing of the view, and the ability to look ahead.
 
In the spring, as Covid began shutting things down, I wrote of planting, of sowing seeds with the reckless abandon and low expectations of a child that lead to celebration when one plant springs forth and one bloom appears. I noted the figurative mud of the mess of challenges we had begun to encounter and the necessity of water and mud for germination and growth.  Now here we are in the season of harvest.  I have found myself challenged often to see the good, to see the blooms and growth of this year. In light of this challenging year, I have chosen to try to see the beauty in the mess, to see the growth and bounty, and to find the good, particularly in this season of harvest. 
 
I know I have received a few harsh comments and push back in seeking to see the light, the lessons, and the good.  Having experienced moments of despair and hopelessness myself, I know seeking and reframing challenges with positivity can be hard. I understand this will not resonate with everyone, and yet in this season I put forth what I have harvested and hope you will consider even in your struggles, the strength and resilience you have earned and built. I have been inspired by the podcasts and book I feature below, and in the ability of others to find gratitude in times of overwhelming struggle. I hope you will lean into the hardships you have faced and overcome, not just in this past year but over the course of your life, that have served to make you stronger and more able to conquer.  I have been inspired this year in seeing the resilience, kindness, and adaptability of my fellow human beings, and the triumphs of others have in turn been a great reminder to dig deep and continue forward. In reflecting upon this year and past challenges, too, I have found both strength and hope.

Rather than becoming bitter, how might you leverage your past triumphs to remind yourself that this too shall pass, that you will again overcome?  Despite the hardships, or rather in light of the hardships of this year, what have you learned, what are you harvesting in this season of fall? Where have you found hope and inspiration to persevere? How have you been inspired by others? What have you learned about yourself?  What will you carry forward from this challenging year that will serve you in facing future hardships?

Quote or Passage I am sitting with, pondering and finding inspiration in:

“Give more.
Give what you didn’t get.
Love more.
Drop the old story.”
~ Garry Shandling ~

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”
~ William Shakespeare ~

Podcast I’m Listening to:

In striving to find the positive, to seek gratitude, I found these podcasts enlightening and uplifting, and both fitting with the theme of harvest I have been contemplating.

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris, #295: How to Be Grateful When Everything Sucks with DaRa Williams

In the face of the seemingly unremitting horrors of 2020, is it possible – or wise – to generate gratitude? Guest DaRa argues yes!  A longtime practitioner and teacher of meditation, she is one of the guiding teachers at the Insight Meditation Society. She’s also had a clinical mental health private practice in Manhattan for many years. DaRa Williams says, only semi-facetiously, that she believes gratitude can be considered the fifth Brahma Vihara.  As you know, we’ve just wrapped up the special Election Sanity series here on the podcast where we explored the ancient Buddhist list called the Four Brahma Viharas: loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity.

A key takeaway for me was the affirmation of my own observations in life – you can’t have joy and happiness without struggling and suffering.  The idea being that without knowing hardship you wouldn’t be able to recognize and appreciate joy.

Another key takeaway was the idea that joy and gratitude will sustain you in a time of struggle.  I think of this as a mindset tool – if you look for the good you’ll find it, and if you look for the bad or negative, you’ll find that, too.  I also think of the idea of positive inquiry and in times of struggle, I find it is helpful to remember the hardships I’ve walked through before and the strength and learning that has come.  There are always things to be grateful for and by focusing on those things, we can forge our way forward rather than getting stuck in the mud.

Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris, #249: Don’t Let This Crisis Go to Waste with Roshi Joan Halifax

Roshi Joan Halifax is definitely not arguing the pandemic is a good thing, but she also believes we shouldn’t let this crisis go to waste.  It’s a very real wake-up call, she says – a chance for us to really take a beat and ask ourselves what actually matters, both individually and as a culture. Roshi Joan Halifax is a Buddhist teacher, zen priest, anthropologist, and pioneer in the field of end-of-life care.  She is the founder, abbot, and headteacher of Upaya Institute and Zen Center in Santa Fe, New Mexico.  Her motto for this crisis, as you will hear, is strong back, soft front.An offering I appreciated from this podcast is the idea of grit and grace in this time of uncertainty.  I often have a hard time maintaining grace when I’ve set my mind on grit, and this seems particularly important in the world right now, to dig deep to find the grit to carry on while also having grace for ourselves and our fellow humans.  This is an intention I would like to set for myself, to be mindful, and to strive to embody both grit and grace on my journey. This was a great reminder that outlook and gratitude are a choice.

Book I am Reading and Reflecting Upon:

Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert

I just finished listening to the Audible version of this New York Times, #1 Best Seller from Elizabeth Gilbert.  I found myself appreciating the idea of having the courage to make your visions and dreams come true now, rather than making excuses for postponing the future you desire.  If this year has taught me anything, it is to plant, grow, and harvest in the now rather than waiting for optimal conditions.

Here’s what Amazon has to say:

Readers of all ages and walks of life have drawn inspiration and empowerment from Elizabeth Gilbert’s books for years. Now, this beloved author digs deep into her own generative process to share her wisdom and unique perspective about creativity. With profound empathy and radiant generosity, she offers potent insights into the mysterious nature of inspiration. She asks us to embrace our curiosity and let go of needless suffering. She shows us how to tackle what we most love, and how to face down what we most fear. She discusses the attitudes, approaches, and habits we need in order to live our most creative lives. Balancing between soulful spirituality and cheerful pragmatism, Gilbert encourages us to uncover the “strange jewels” that are hidden within each of us. Whether we are looking to write a book, make art, find new ways to address challenges in our work, embark on a dream long deferred, or simply infuse our everyday lives with more mindfulness and passion, Big Magic cracks open a world of wonder and joy.

And finally, my apologies for this edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday coming to you on the last day of November.  I was delayed by another little something ready for harvest.  On November 18^th, we welcomed our daughter, Sally Olivia, to our family.  The joy that has come from her arrival has truly been a gift!  I have not only found joy in her arrival but have felt astounding joy in seeing the happiness of my boys in welcoming their sister.  We are reveling in deep gratitude for this little blessing of 2020!

I wish you all a bountiful harvest from this muddy, messy year!  May you reap great rewards for your perseverance and from choosing to see the gifts and lessons.  May gratitude and light, peace and hope be yours!

Please check out my latest blog posts onLessons of the Run, Part 3: Rest, as well as my blog post, See and Be the Light – Hope and Resilience. If you missed my October edition of Three Thoughts for Thursday, you can find it here, on my blog as well. As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!