Author: Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching

Desiree has worked in Higher Education Administration at Princeton University School of Architecture, non-profits in the Seattle-area, and in People and Business Strategy at Brooks Sports and uniquelyHR, in addition to owning her own personal chef business, Able Table. With experience in the start-up world, in non-profits and higher education, and in large corporations and government, Desiree is passionate about leadership and development and building successful companies through simultaneous creation of people and business strategy based on the vision and mission of a company. Desiree finds great satisfaction in helping others to become their best, while simultaneously pursuing her own path of self-improvement. Desiree holds a B.A. in Art and American Studies from Yale University and an MBA from Seattle University where she continues to assist with and facilitate graduate leadership courses, MGMT 5100, Leadership Skills and Team Development, and MGMT 5335, Leading with Emotional Intelligence. Desiree is also a member of the Los Angeles chapter of SHRM, PIHRA, and attends the local LA chapter meetings of the International Coaching Federation.

Seasons and Sunsets: Three Thoughts for Thursday – May 2020

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching May 22, 2020

Three Thoughts for Thursday – May 2020

We have been having beautiful sunsets! I really appreciate this time of year as I watch these sunsets and the view change and evolve from our bedroom window. As winter comes to an end and spring begins, the trees have not yet bloomed yet the days are becoming longer. The colors are stunning and while the trees are still bare, but the days are getting longer and less rainy, we can glimpse Lake Washington and the Olympic Mountains in the distance. Of course, when the trees do begin to bud, a new beauty replaces that of the lake in the distance, and the blossoms are spectacular. Soon, the blossoms, too, drop away, and our view is that of lush, green forest wetlands. The view continues to change and time goes forward, each view offers its own beauty, and I can’t help but think as I watch the sunsets, what else the sun is setting upon and what will bloom from this time of slowing down, of isolation, of change and transition. This is a time of mourning and of opportunity as the sun sets on life as we knew it and we await the dawn of what will be, and as we wait, the sun continues to set and somewhere else it rises, and change and transitions continue to occur as we explore our way forward.

What will come from necessity and what will come from the abundance of which there are both right now in different ways? How do I grieve the passing of another day, an old way as the sun sets, and yet hold tightly to hope and wonder as the dawn comes again bringing and illuminating new views and new ways? What do I want to remain and what do I hope will shift? What do I hope the dawn will bring and how might I change to offer something new and more refined?

Quote I am sitting with, pondering and finding inspiration:

A Deeper View of Life

The work of acknowledging everything in mindfulness leads us to a deeper view of what life is. It is very important to understand that impermanence is not a negative aspect of life. Impermanence is the very basis of life. If what exists were not impermanent, no life could continue. If a grain of corn were not impermanent, it could not become a corn plant. If a tiny child were not impermanent, she could not grow into an adult.

Life is impermanent, but that does not mean that it is not worth living. It is precisely because of its impermanence that we value life so dearly. Therefore we must know how to live each moment deeply and use it in a responsible way. If we are able to live the present moment completely, we will not feel regret later. We will know how to care for those who are close to us and how to bring them happiness. When we accept that all things are impermanent, we will not be incapacitated by suffering when things decay and die. We can remain peaceful and content in the face of continuity and change, prosperity and decline, success and failure.

~ Thich Nhat Hanh, Your True Home: the everyday wisdom of thich nhat hanh, #83

Podcast I’m Listening to:

What I’ve been appreciating about the Coaching for Leaders podcast hosted by Dave Stachowiak is the variety of topics and guests, the resonance of the topics, the relevance and tips offered that I can employ in my own life and that he always offers additional materials and podcast recommendations for further work and connection. During this time of being at home, I have been homing in on what is essential, relevant, and fills me up, as well as considering how to be more flexible and adaptable. These two podcasts hit on these themes and also made me think more about the idea that different types of organizations (non-profit, public sector, big corporations, etc.) all have lessons that cross over as they are all still made up of humans and human lessons are relevant across organizations.

Coaching for Leaders, Episode #469: See What Really Matters with Greg McKeown

Greg McKeown is the author of the New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. His book is frequently listed as #1 Time Management book on Amazon and challenges the core assumptions about achievement to get to the essence of what really drives success.

His writing has appeared in or been covered by the New York Times, Fast Company, Fortune, HuffPost, and many others. He is among the most popular bloggers for the Harvard Business Review and LinkedIn’s Influencers group averaging a million views a month.

In this conversation, Greg and Dave discuss why success can be such a poor teacher and how to avoid what Jim Collins calls, “The undisciplined pursuit of more.” We explore how the principles of journalism can help us arrive at what’s essential and why journaling may be the place to start.

Key Points:

Success is a poor teacher and may lead to the undisciplined pursuit of more.
Essentialists listen for what is not being explicitly stated. They read between the lines.
Nonessentialists hear what is loud. Essentialists listen for the signal in the noise.
Journaling is a useful practice to begin reviewing what is coming up in your life and discovering the leads you may be missing.
Make time every 90 days to review and determine what’s next.

Related Episodes:

Getting Things Done, with David Allen: Episode #184
How to Make Deep Work Happen, with Cal Newport: Episode 233
Six Tactics for Extraordinary Performance, with Morten Hansen, Episode 337
Finding Joy Through Intentional Choices, with Bonni Stachowiak, Episode 417

Coaching for Leaders, Episode #470: How to Build an Invincible Company, with Alex Osterwalder

Alex is obsessed with making strategy, innovation, and entrepreneurship simple, practical, and applicable. He invented the Business Model Canvas, co-founded Strategyzer.com, and lead-authored Business Model Generation which sold a million copies in 30 languages. He’s one of the top-ranked management thinkers in the world by Thinkers50.

He is the author of the book, The Invincible Company: How to Constantly Reinvent Your Organization with Inspiration From the World’s Best Business Models.

In this conversation, Alex and Dave explore the distinction between exploration and exploitation that invincible organizations must hold in tandem. Alex teaches us the five most common myths of the innovation journey and what leaders can do to compete and stay relevant in a changing world.

Key Points:

Myths of the innovation journey:

The most important part of the innovation and entrepreneurship journey is to find and execute the perfect idea.
The evidence will show you a clear path forward while you systematically test ideas. The solution will magically emerge if you just test and adapt your idea often enough.
A small number of big bets will lead to a large return.
The skills required to explore a new business and to manage an existing one are pretty similar. Business is business.
Innovation teams are renegades or pirates that are out to disrupt the old business. They need to operate in stealth mode to survive inside a company.

Invincible companies constantly reinvent who they are and where and how they compete in order to stay relevant and ahead.

Related Episodes:

How to Transform Your Limitations into Advantages, with Mark Barden, Episode #207
The Way to Nurture New Ideas, with Safi Bahcall, Episode #418
How to Start Seeing Around Corners, with Rita McGrath, Episode #430

Book I am Reading:

Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • Brené Brown has taught us what it means to dare greatly, rise strong, and brave the wilderness. Now, based on new research conducted with leaders, change-makers, and culture shifters, she’s showing us how to put those ideas into practice so we can step up and lead.

Don’t miss the hourlong Netflix special Brené Brown: The Call to Courage!

NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BLOOMBERG

Leadership is not about titles, status, and wielding power. A leader is anyone who takes responsibility for recognizing the potential in people and ideas and has the courage to develop that potential.

When we dare to lead, we don’t pretend to have the right answers; we stay curious and ask the right questions. We don’t see power as finite and hoard it; we know that power becomes infinite when we share it with others. We don’t avoid difficult conversations and situations; we lean into vulnerability when it’s necessary to do good work.

But daring leadership in a culture defined by scarcity, fear, and uncertainty requires skill-building around traits that are deeply and uniquely human. The irony is that we’re choosing not to invest in developing the hearts and minds of leaders at the exact same time as we’re scrambling to figure out what we have to offer that machines and AI can’t do better and faster. What can we do better? Empathy, connection, and courage, to start.

Four-time #1 New York Times bestselling author Brené Brown has spent the past two decades studying the emotions and experiences that give meaning to our lives, and the past seven years working with transformative leaders and teams spanning the globe. She found that leaders in organizations ranging from small entrepreneurial startups and family-owned businesses to nonprofits, civic organizations, and Fortune 50 companies all ask the same question:

How do you cultivate braver, more daring leaders, and how do you embed the value of courage in your culture?

In this new book, Brown uses research, stories, and examples to answer these questions in the no-BS style that millions of readers have come to expect and love.

Brown writes, “One of the most important findings of my career is that daring leadership is a collection of four skill sets that are 100 percent teachable, observable, and measurable. It’s learning and unlearning that requires brave work, tough conversations, and showing up with your whole heart. Easy? No. Because choosing courage over comfort is not always our default. Worth it? Always. We want to be brave with our lives and our work. It’s why we’re here.”

Whether you’ve read Daring Greatly and Rising Strong or you’re new to Brené Brown’s work, this book is for anyone who wants to step up and into brave leadership.

Please check out my latest blog post on Lessons from the Run, Part 1: Mile 18 – Endurance, and stay tuned for the next addition Lessons of the Run, Part 2: Resilience! As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! If you have any comments, questions, feedback, requests for future topics, or would like to share a moment/part that resonated with you, your emails are welcome! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

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Part I – Lessons from the Run: Mile 18 – Endurance

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching April 30, 2020

Mile 18, ENDURANCE

I recently listened to a podcast with Brené Brown and Dr. Marc Bracket, Unlocking Us: On “Permission to Feel.” Brené compared the events of 9/11 to a sprint in which tragedy struck and then we quickly came together and moved forward to focus on recovery. Meanwhile our current situation she compared to a marathon. Just a few days later, a friend said to me, “So Des, you’re a marathon runner, what do you know? What do we need to know in this ongoing situation?”

Then yesterday, a friend and coach asked me how I am doing. Having been pondering this comparison to a marathon, I responded, “It’s mile 18 of a marathon, “the bonk,” the part where I question my sanity, devise multiple plans of escape, calculate how I will explain quitting the race, determine how far it is to the next aid station and what I will tell them to get them to help me escape. It is now a mental game. I know from past marathons that in a few more miles, just 20-30 more minutes of running, resolve will kick in and I will finish. At the moment, my brain is wild with doubt and panic and desperation (not really but in the sense of what I feel in that place of mile 18 of a marathon). This is a marathon, and I’m in the intense struggle to find my resolve. I know my body can finish the race but keeping my mind in the game feels somewhat impossible right now. I miss people and need some encouragement!”

There is no clear finish line to focus on in this marathon we are running. There are no fellow runners to keep up with or talk to, no fans line the course encouraging us to finish. True, at that moment, mile 18, in a marathon, I know how much distance I still have to cover and there is a finish line there, unlike now where we do not know when this will end. But, in that moment of the “bonk”, whether that comes at mile 13 or mile 15, or mile 18, while the final distance is known, the mind cannot comprehend that distance as tangible. The thought of another 8.2 miles after hitting mile 18 seems no different than the thought of running for all eternity.

Until I make it to mile 20 or 21 and then it clicks and my mind begins preparing and visualizing the finish line, that moment of accomplishment and celebration. From running 11 marathons now, while the “bonk” or that space of mental anguish, may come at a different point, I now know how to play the mental game, to adjust my self-talk to encourage myself to persevere, to find the resolve. I know I can endure. Endurance has come with training and experience, and fierce determination. I hope we find mile 20/21 and that sense of resolve kicks in, but right now, my mind is wild and in the thick of the struggle.

So, I am focusing on my training and on the lessons from life that have taught me I can and will finish this race, too. My choice of how the marathon ends is mine – will I cut off the course, will I take a rescue ride out, or will I cross that finish line with a relieved and proud smile of accomplishment on my face? I am leaning into my daily runs, yoga, meditation, writing, and practicing appreciation for the little things. I am working to give myself, and those around me, grace and space to struggle, reminding myself that the journey looks different for everyone. And I continue to remind myself of all the times I have overcome, and to coach myself to remember I will once again cross the finish line victorious, whenever and wherever that line might finally appear.

When have you endured and overcome? What can you learn from the struggles of your past when you have overcome that will help to carry you through to the future once again? How can you embrace the struggle and calm your mind, knowing you will endure? What does it look like and feel like to endure and overcome, to cross the finish line? How can you hold on to that feeling in anticipation of successfully completing this endeavor? What do you need to do right now to steel your mind for this mental game? How can you make space to train for the finish line while remaining focused on the journey?

Boston Marathon, 2018 – The weather took the endurance lessons to another level…more to come!

Stay tuned for more Lessons from the Run!

Repair Conversations – How to recover from word wounds and misunderstandings in the workplace and at home

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching April 23, 2020

Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was mistaken! Words can be hurtful and often times things unsaid can also do damage. In this time of high anxiety, with so many complicated situations at home, there is plenty of opportunity for misunderstandings and wounds inflicted by words. Emotions are running high, and there seems to be a global cloud, low-lying and hard to see, but heavy upon us, of fear, anxiety, and gloom.

I ache for those who are navigating this crisis without a job or the means to weather this unpredictable situation. I shudder to comprehend the added stress and pressure of financial insecurity while also being in isolation. I honor those deemed essential employees who are courageously still going to work to allow the world to still run, even if at a significantly slower pace. And while many of us ought to be grateful for the opportunity to work from home, this still creates a new and challenging dynamic. If you’re anything like me, you like choices and control, so the loss of choice and control is frustrating and hard to accept. Whether you’ve lost your job, are overworked and tired, or are able to work from home, none of us is likely functioning at our best.

When emotions run high, and we fail to have empathy with our co-workers, our spouse, our children, our neighbors, our friends, we fail to show up the way we’d like to and often say or do things that only make the situation worse. In this time, these misunderstandings and wounds are going to happen, it is just a fact. However, there is something we can learn to do to strengthen relationships rather than harm them – we can learn to embrace and have repair conversations.

What is a repair conversation? It is pretty much exactly as it sounds, but goes a bit further than simply saying sorry to make peace. Here are the steps to successfully have a repair conversation and ensure that the repair isn’t just a cheap bandaid that’s lost its stick, but rather one that truly aids in the recovery of the wound.

Make space to cool down and reflect
Take note of what you were feeling and your reaction. How did you feel physically and emotionally?
Consider the trigger. What caused the reaction? Where did your mind go?
Own your part. What was your story or understanding/misunderstanding that led to the trigger then reaction?
How could you have reacted differently? How would you have liked to have responded?
What insights would be helpful to share? What do you want for the relationship? What do you want for yourself?

Use these reflective questions and considerations to have an honest and open conversation. Be authentic while taking into consideration how the other person will perceive your words and being careful to choose them wisely. Be intentional, humble, and be willing to have these conversations again and again.

Photo by Perry Grone on Unsplash

Three Thoughts for Thursday – April 2020

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching April 16, 2020

I have been running more than usual, going on longer and longer runs to inhale the fresh air and maintain some semblance of sanity in this craziness, to steady my mind and remind me of an important lesson of distance running – endurance. For me, running is when I process the chaos, and my brain can connect the dots and make sense of things. The run is where I leave my anxious thoughts and energy on the trail and, I find peace and connect to myself, to the earth and air, and to something bigger. On one of my Saturday morning runs, when I typically take the opportunity of the weekend to go a little further, I captured this beautiful sunrise as I ran back to the eastside, across the 520 bridge.

I’d been meaning to run the bridge since it opened with a pedestrian space a few years back, but then we moved to LA. When we moved back to the Seattle-area, I wasn’t running the distance needed to get me there and back. Suddenly I found myself able to cover the distance and in need of pushing myself to go a little further. Since this run, I have run the bridge several more times and keep pondering bridges. Bridges connect us and unite us, they span the gaps between spaces and places, between the past and the future, the old and the new.

The world as we’ve known it has changed drastically in just the course of a few weeks. Here we are sitting in the middle of what was and what will be, treading water at best. I keep hearing people say, “I can’t wait for things to return to normal.” I keep thinking, I hope we don’t simply run back to the side from which we came, but rather that we have the courage to build a bridge to the other side. I keep thinking about all that we could learn and take forward from what we’ve seen and learned from both the side from which we came and the deep waters we now swim in to build a better world than the one we were forced to leave.

With this idea of bridges in mind, I encourage you to reflect. What bridges are you building? What is difficult about this time for you? What do you miss about life before? What are you grateful for in this moment? What are you learning that you hope to take forward into the new world beyond the coronavirus? What bridges will you build to get to the new and better future that surely awaits if we dare to build it?

Quote(s) I am sitting with, pondering and finding inspiration:

“The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.”

~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“In the moment of crisis, the wise build bridges, and the foolish build dams.”

~ Nigerian Proverb

“He that would be a leader must be a bridge.”

~ Proverb

Podcast I’m Listening to:

Pema Chödrön: Dealing with Difficult Times – SuperSoul Sunday with Oprah Winfrey

Born in New York City, Pema Chödrön is one of the first Western women to be fully ordained as a Tibetan Buddhist nun. Pema explains how difficult times can be an opportunity for growth and change if you’re willing to embrace the situation and the feelings that come with it. One of the basic Buddhist tenets, Pema says, is that change is constant. “Things are going to keep changing,” she says. “If you’re invested in security and certainty, then you’re not going to feel good a lot of the time.”

Pema Chödrön: Welcoming the Unwelcome – SuperSoul Sunday with Oprah Winfrey

Buddhist nun, author and a pioneer of the mindfulness movement, Pema Chödrön discusses her new book, Welcoming the Unwelcome. Pema reminds us how to connect to our basic goodness. She shares the first thing we should do when things show up for us that are uncomfortable, stressful or hopeless.

Book I am Reading:

The Coaching Habit – Say Less, Ask More and Change the Way You Lead Forever

by Michael Bungay Stanier

In Michael Bungay Stanier’s The Coaching Habit, coaching becomes a regular, informal part of your day so managers and their teams can work less hard and have more impact.
Drawing on years of experience training more than 10,000 busy managers from around the globe in practical, everyday coaching skills, Bungay Stanier reveals how to unlock your peoples’ potential. He unpacks seven essential coaching questions to demonstrate how–by saying less and asking more–you can develop coaching methods that produce great results.

Get straight to the point in any conversation with The Kickstart Question
Stay on track during any interaction with The Awe Question
Save hours of time for yourself with The Lazy Question, and hours of time for others with The Strategic Question
Get to the heart of any interpersonal or external challenge with The Focus Question and The Foundation Question
Finally, ensure others find your coaching as beneficial as you do with The Learning Question

A fresh innovative take on the traditional how-to manual, the book combines insider information with research-based in neuroscience and behavioral economics, together with interactive training tools to turn practical advice into practiced habits. Witty and conversational, The Coaching Habit takes your work–and your workplace–from good to great.

For Parents Working From Home…

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching April 4, 2020

I recently had the opportunity to co-host an Ask Me Anything conversation For Parents: When the Whole Family is Working from Home with Mikaela Kiner, Founder, and CEO of Reverb here in Seattle. We discussed such topics as:

What you’re learning and how to stay productive
Tensions and challenges, and how to manage them
Finding the silver lining: Empathy, flexibility, and more

You can find the recording here. Below are some of the highlights and my reflections.

I have found it helpful to try to keep things as normal as possible and to have a loose schedule to guide the day. We have morning meetings and include the kids in planning for the day and discussing what we each hope to accomplish and each need.

Create and communicate realistic expectations with your family and your employer/manager

There is a quote by Richard Rohr, “Suffering comes from unmet expectations.” I think it is important to accept in this situation that none of us is at our most efficient. We are all juggling other priorities and emotions, navigating uncharted territory, and no one is operating at full capacity. We need to adjust our expectations so that we aren’t adding to the disappointment, stress, and anxiety, and we can try as best we can to maintain emotional balance.

We also have an opportunity to create new definitions for balance between work and home, and to create communication and empathy as we are all working to figure out this new mandate for all of us to Work From Home (WFH). Communication is key. This is a big experiment and we have to continue to make adjustments and to communicate what is working, what is not working, and how we’d like to adjust the experiment.

During our first week with all of us at home, me, my husband, and our two boys (1st grader and Pre-K student), there were definitely adjustments that had to be made. One day I looked at my husband just before dinner and told him, “today did not work for me.” He responded, “I know. What should we do differently?” Since then we continue to discuss each day what is feasible as we continue to experiment and gather more data.

I work for myself. My husband who works for a company and is fortunate enough to work from home has similar conversations with his boss. His boss was very upfront in telling him, “I know you aren’t going to be as productive during this time. None of us are.” This was a very valid statement and set the tone for having these conversations and setting realistic expectations. If you are a manager, this is a great example of empathy and authenticity. If you are an employee, make sure you are letting your manager know what you need and don’t over-promise.

Make space for each of you to have your own experience, feelings and to ask for what you need

We are all processing the current situation differently and at different speeds, working through the emotions differently. In a recent HBR article, what we are experiencing is grief. I have also seen our experience termed trauma. If we look at grief, which follows a trauma, we see there are stages and every person walks through these stages differently and at a different pace. The Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief are:

Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

This most basically means we are all processing differently, in different stages and experiencing different emotions, and are all in need of grace, space, and understanding. These discrepancies can cause tension, so it is important to create space for misunderstanding, to have empathy, and to communicate through these emotions and experiences. Rather than allowing this jumble of emotions and stages of grief to further divide us, be aware of where you are, communicate this information and ask for what you need.

Take care of yourself and make self-care a priority – this is good modeling for your kids, too

It is important to stick to the things that you know you need, and if you haven’t been doing this already, start paying attention and asking for what you need (see above). For me, I need exercise, I need my morning run or dose of yoga to fill my cup and set my day on the right path. I have also added some meditation and writing to help keep me centered and present, to keep my emotions in check and my mind steady.

Find what you need, what helps make your day better, and advocate for that time. Teach your kids to do the same, and work to stay in tune with what others in your household need. If you aren’t sure what others need, particularly your kids, and they are acting out, get curious before getting frustrated or angry. My oldest son needs one-on-one time and if he doesn’t get it, things go south quickly. We see it, and he is beginning to see it and beginning to be able to also verbalize this need and ask for time. Teach your kids how to advocate for themselves and fill their cups by modeling this behavior for them.

We need to fill our cups in order to refrain from trying to run on empty. To have a fighting chance of operating at our best in a tough situation, we need to take care of ourselves.

Communicate more than usual with your family and your team

We are all in uncharted territory. Make sure you are bringing your family or team along with you, rather than leaving them to fill in the blanks and wonder. Ask questions, get curious, process out loud, work through things together, be curious, and don’t be afraid to ask for help, or to re-formulate the plan. I go back to my science days and am thinking of this as an experiment. Hypothesize a solution, test the hypothesis, discuss the outcome, return to the problem and adapt your hypothesis – REPEAT!

As noted above, there is a lot going on, far more than just a virus. There are emotions, there are more complications, there are more people at home, this is messy! Communicate to try to avoid more mess than necessary.

Talk about feelings – name them in order to move through and past them

This is a great time to teach our children about emotions, and for those of us who didn’t grow up talking about feelings, this is a great time to learn with the kids. Emotions are a great way to connect and get a sense of where everyone is and how their emotions may be impacting their behavior. This is also a great way to build self-awareness and self-management skills and to help our kids on this journey to becoming emotionally healthy adults. Feelings only get in the way if we suppress them and they unknowingly stage an attack. If we acknowledge them and choose our actions carefully, we can better navigate and understand the information they are providing.

We made a magnetic feelings chart we use to help us talk about and acknowledge where we are each at. Inspired by Marc Brackett’s book, Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive and his Mood Meter. This again allows for increased communication and problem-solving, and problem-solving seems to be a pretty important skill in our current situation and a valuable skill to have for the future.

Mood Meter Family Mood Meter

To make your own Feelings and Emotions/Mood Meter (and maybe a few for others):

What you will need:

– White Magnetic Board

– Transparent Adhesive Film – Multicolor pack

Yellow & Red
Blue & Green

– Black Sharpie Marker

Make your own individual magnets for each person in your family. Put all the words from the Mood Meter on your board, or choose the ones that fit for your family and for where your kids are in their development and vocabulary. Be creative and make this chart your own!

Additional resources to discuss and manage emotions with your family:

My Moods, My Choices Flipbook

Feelings and Dealings: An Emotions and Empathy Card Game

Feelings in a Flash Cards – Empathy Activities, Coping and Social Skills

The ABCs of Emotions

Emotional Bingo for Children (In English and Spanish!)

Grumpy Monkey by Suzanne Lang

The Very Cranky Bear by Nick Bland

When Sophie Gets Angry – Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang

The Golden Rule by Ilene Cooper

The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld

Be Kind by Pat Zietlow Miller

Stand Tall Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell and David Catrow

For additional thoughts and information, stay tuned for my posts on Repair Conversations, Redefining and Rebalancing, and Hope and Resilience!

Spring has Sprung and WOW is it Messy!

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching March 19, 2020

Three Thoughts for Thursday – March 2020!

I began to write this a few weeks ago, before the virus turned our world upside down. A few days ago, I sat down to review what I’d written, thinking I would need to scrap it and focus on something more related to where we all sit today. As I read what I’d written, I found my thoughts even more poignant now as spring officially begins and we sit in the mud and mess together. I hope this reflection gives you hope and slowly we all begin to germinate.

Ahhhh, spring has sprung! Here in Seattle, the cherry trees are in full bloom and it is magical! My boys had pestered me for months to make sure we got a spot in the local pea patch garden down the street. Thankfully, I had remembered to call and put our name on the list early New Year’s Day. Still, we were number 14 on that list. Boy did I thank my lucky stars when I got the call – we got a spot! My boys were THRILLED!

I have been thinking about the darkness of winter from which spring comes in all its colorful glory, and about the mud that nurtures and grows the seeds we plant. When we moved to LA, my boys were so taken by the sunshine and the possibility for a garden. I watched as they dumped whole packets of seeds into each hole they dug. I smiled as I saw their delighted faces when one plant grew. They planted those seeds with reckless abandon and hope, and were so satisfied when even one seedling daringly sprang forth.

As we get older, we seem to fear getting dirty, and we get so stingy with our seeds, but why? We feel the need to follow the directions on the seed packet, or we buy seedlings too afraid of getting nothing from our seeds, or too impatient to wait for the sprouting process to occur. We become so regimented and tidy, and even when one plant sprouts, we wonder why only one rather than celebrating that one that courageously sprung from the ground. Taking this metaphor further into our relationships, families and work, I also see how children don’t fear getting messy. They fight one minute and are playing together again the next without concern for how violently they just fought; the laughter soon follows the rage and tears.

When do we lose this resilience and faith and become rigid and fearful of the mess of living? When do we begin to calculate the efforts we put forth in a relationship and demand we get equal or more in return? When do we become slow to forgive and move forward? When do we begin to forget to celebrate the one triumph as if it were everything, the way we once celebrated the sprouting of one seed in the hundred or so we dumped into the garden? When do we become afraid to get our hands dirty? When do we forget the beauty that can spring from the mud?

As spring approaches, I encourage you to plant and celebrate with reckless abandon. I encourage you to invest in relationships and to bloom and put forth your beauty without calculation. I implore you to manifest the best in yourself without expectation simply because you have beauty within worth sharing. Show off your colors, stand tall and shine! Nurture the seeds and sprouts around you and notice and appreciate their beauty. Bask in the sunshine and the rain and put forth your best!

Quote I am sitting with, pondering and finding inspirational:

Sticking with uncertainty is how we learn to relax in the midst of chaos, how we learn to be cool when the ground beneath us suddenly disappears. We can bring ourselves back to the spiritual path countless times every day simply by exercising our willingness to rest in the uncertainty of the present moment—over and over again.

Pema Chodron

Podcast/Lecture Series I’m Listening To:

The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection and Courage
lecture series by Brené Brown

Show Up and Let Yourself be Seen
Is vulnerability the same as weakness? “In our culture,” teaches Dr. Brené Brown, “we associate vulnerability with emotions we want to avoid such as fear, shame, and uncertainty. Yet we too often lose sight of the fact that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy, belonging, creativity, authenticity, and love.” On The Power of Vulnerability, Dr. Brown offers an invitation and a promise – that when we dare to drop the armor that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Here she dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and reveals that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage.

“The Power of Vulnerability is a very personal project for me,” Brené explains. “This is the first place that all of my work comes together. This audio course draws from all three of my books – it’s the culmination of everything I’ve learned over the past twelve years. I’m very excited to weave it all into a truly comprehensive form that shows what these findings and insights can mean in our lives.”

Guidance and Insights for Wholehearted Living
Over the past twelve years, Dr. Brené Brown has interviewed hundreds of people as part of an ongoing study of vulnerability. “The research shows that we try to ward disappointment with a shield of cynicism, disarm shame by numbing ourselves against joy, and circumvent grief by shutting off our willingness to love,” explains Dr. Brown. When we become aware of these patterns, she teaches, we begin to become conscious of how much we sacrifice in the name of self-defense -and how much richer our lives become when we open ourselves to vulnerability.

“In my research,” Dr. Brown says, “the word I use to describe people who can live from a place of vulnerability is wholehearted.” Being wholehearted is a practice-one that we can choose to cultivate through empathy, gratitude, and awareness of our vulnerability armor. Join this engaging and heartfelt teacher on The Power of Vulnerability as she offers profound insights on leaning into the full spectrum of emotions-so we can show up, let ourselves be seen, and truly be all in.

HIGHLIGHTS

Cultivating shame resilience-the key to developing a sense of worth and belonging.
Vulnerability as the origin point for innovation, adaptability, accountability, and visionary leadership.
Our emotional armory – how we use perfectionism, numbing, and other tactics to avoid feeling vulnerable.
The myths of vulnerability – common misconceptions about weakness, trust, and self-sufficiency.
Discovering your vulnerability armor – recognizing what makes us shut down, and how we can change.
The 10 guideposts of wholehearted living – essential skills for becoming fully engaged in life.
Six hours of stories, warm humor, and transformative insights for living a life of courage, authenticity, and compassion from Dr. Brené Brown.

Book I listened to/read that I am now returning to again:

Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach

“Believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering,” says Tara Brach at the start of this illuminating book. This suffering emerges in crippling self-judgments and conflicts in our relationships, in addictions and perfectionism, in loneliness and overwork – all the forces that keep our lives constricted and unfulfilled. Radical Acceptance offers a path to freedom, including the day-to-day practical guidance developed over Dr. Brach’s 20 years of work with therapy clients and Buddhist students.Writing with great warmth and clarity, Tara Brach brings her teachings alive through personal stories and case histories, fresh interpretations of Buddhist tales, and guided meditations. Step by step, she leads us to trust our innate goodness, showing how we can develop the balance of clear-sightedness and compassion that is the essence of Radical Acceptance. Radical Acceptance does not mean self-indulgence or passivity. Instead it empowers genuine change: healing fear and shame and helping to build loving, authentic relationships. When we stop being at war with ourselves, we are free to live fully every precious moment of our lives.

Three Thoughts for Thursday – February 2020

Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching February 20, 2020

Three Thoughts for Thursday

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Photo by Carolyn V on Unsplash

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Well, we survived the January doldrums! February has given us Valentine’s Day, Presidents’ Day and Mid-Winter Break, and spring is now just next door! But rather than run ahead, I am choosing to honor the winter season and lessons of January, and to spend a little more time looking within and honoring this season of hibernation, dormancy and regeneration. I have been focusing on this idea of love and considering my own journey to love myself. I have been pondering love as the foundation and nourishment needed to support the bloom, the reaching and fulfillment of our full and glorious potential. So, here are a few resources and thoughts, questions, quotes and moments of inspiration and love to support you on your journey of release and self-acceptance, love and fulfilling your purpose, wherever you are on that journey.

What does love mean to you? How do you receive love? How do you show love? What makes you feel loved? What do you love most about yourself? What gets in your way of giving or receiving love? How can you cultivate your capacity to love and be loved?

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

Love

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness, and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.

~ Brené Brown

The Foundation of Love

If we do not know how to take care of ourselves and to love ourselves, we cannot take care of the people we love. Loving oneself is the foundation for loving another person.

~ Thich Nhat Hahn

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

The Tim Ferris Show, Episode #409: Brené Brown – Striving versus Self-Acceptance, Saving Marriages and More…

“We chase extraordinary moments instead of being grateful for ordinary moments until hard shit happens. And then in the face of really hard stuff – illness, death, loss – the only thing we’re begging for is a normal moment.” ~ Brené Brown

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work. Brené is also a visiting professor in management at The University of Texas at Austin McCombs School of Business.

She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame and empathy, and is the author of five #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gives of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the Wilderness, and her latest book, Dare to Lead, which is the culmination of a seven-year study on courage and leadership. Brené hosts the Unlocking Us podcast, and her TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 45 million views.

Book I’m Reading:

The Mastery of Self: A Toltec Guide to Personal Freedom by don Miguel Ruiz Jr.

The ancient Toltecs believed that life, as we perceive it, is a dream. We each live in our own personal dream, and all of our dreams come together to form the Dream of the Planet, or world in which we live.

Most of us strive to live happy and peaceful lives, but the Dream of the Planet is full of mental and emotional traps that can knock us off balance and keep us bound in a prison of suffering.

In The Mastery of Self, don Miguel Ruiz Jr. teaches that most of our suffering occurs when we forget that we are the architects of our own reality, and we have the power to change our Dream if we choose. The Mastery of Self takes the Toltec philosophy of the Dream of the Planet and the personal dream and explains how a person can:

Wake up
Liberate themselves from illusory beliefs and stories
Live with authenticity

Once released, we can live as our true, authentic, loving selves, not only in solitude and meditation, but in any place—at the grocery store, stuck in traffic, etc.—and in any situation or scenario that confronts us.

Don Miguel Ruiz Jr. is a Nagual, a Toltec Master of Transformation, a direct descendent of the Toltecs of the Eagle Knight lineage, and the son of don Miguel Ruiz (author of The Four Agreements, a must read!)