Author: Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching

Welcome to November and the season of gratitude!  The colors in Seattle have been spectacular and I have thoroughly been enjoying the change.  I hope your autumn has also been a time of colorful reflection.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering:

Articles on Gratitude I’m Appreciating:

Gratitude – Psychology Today

What is gratitude? How does it relate to emotions and worth? Why does it matter?

How Gratitude Can Help Your Career

by Peter Bregman

Harvard Business Review, October 1, 2015

Book I’m Reading:

Permission to Feel

by Marc Brackett

I had the opportunity to hear Marc speak here in Seattle recently and his words struck close to home, his message of the importance of EQ more than just resonating.  Check out his book!  His message speaks to the importance of EQ for our kids, for ourselves and for our society as a whole.

The mental well-being of children and adults is shockingly poor. Marc Brackett, author of Permission to Feel, knows why. And he knows what we can do.
“We have a crisis on our hands, and its victims are our children.”

Marc Brackett is a professor in Yale University’s Child Study Center and founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. In his 25 years as an emotion scientist, he has developed a remarkably effective plan to improve the lives of children and adults – a blueprint for understanding our emotions and using them wisely so that they help, rather than hinder, our success and well-being. The core of his approach is a legacy from his childhood, from an astute uncle who gave him permission to feel. He was the first adult who managed to see Marc, listen to him, and recognize the suffering, bullying, and abuse he’d endured. And that was the beginning of Marc’s awareness that what he was going through was temporary. He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t stuck on a timeline, and he wasn’t “wrong” to feel scared, isolated, and angry. Now, best of all, he could do something about it.

In the decades since, Marc has led large research teams and raised tens of millions of dollars to investigate the roots of emotional well-being. His prescription for healthy children (and their parents, teachers, and schools) is a system called RULER, a high-impact and fast-effect approach to understanding and mastering emotions that has already transformed the thousands of schools that have adopted it. RULER has been proven to reduce stress and burnout, improve school climate, and enhance academic achievement. This book is the culmination of Marc’s development of RULER and his way to share the strategies and skills with readers around the world. It is tested, and it works.

This book combines rigor, science, passion and inspiration in equal parts. Too many children and adults are suffering; they are ashamed of their feelings and emotionally unskilled, but they don’t have to be. Marc Brackett’s life mission is to reverse this course, and this book can show you how.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

I’ve been thinking a great deal about balance and boundaries and have been sitting with this consideration around being who I want to be and also protecting that identity, showing up the way I want to show up and having the impact I want to have without losing myself or jeopardizing my identity.  This spoke to me as I seek to stay steady in my being, centered and confident in my inner voice.

Give. But don’t allow yourself to be used.
Love. But don’t allow your heart to be abused.
Trust. But don’t be naïve.
Listen. But don’t lose your own voice.

Photo by Bekir Dönmez on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

I have a recent obsession with Eckhart Tolle and found when I searched for him in the podcast world, several sessions with Oprah.  Here are a couple of my favorites so far…and a quote that is sticking with me:

“Stress arises in the gap of what is and what your mind says it should be.”

                                                        ~ Eckhart Tolle

Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations: Ekhart Tolle – Free Yourself from Anxiety, Stress and Unhappiness

Visionary thought leader and author of “A New Earth,” Eckhart Tolle explains his view of where we are in the state of the new Earth today. With a shift that has separated millions of Americans, Eckhart teaches us how to lift the ain that can show up for all of us. Oprah calls Eckhart Tolle one of the “greatest spiritual teachers and inspirations here on the planet.”

Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations: Ekhart Tolle – The Awakening of Consciousness

In a live appearance at UCLA’s Royce Hall, New York Times best-selling author and spiritual thought leader Ekhart Tolle explains the awakening of consciousness by taking on one of Oprah’s signature questions: What do you know for sure? “I know for sure that I’m sitting on a chair,” Eckhart says. “That’s the most surface level of things. I know for sure that this is a table.” His answer is simple enough, but Eckhart delves further. Even these seemingly simple truths are not concrete, he says. Eckhart goes so far as to say that we can’t know for sure that life is not a dream, a question that has been posed by many philosophers. Eckhart explains the importance of becoming more present in our daily lives and why the ability to become still is essential.

Book I’m Reading:

Changing on the Job: Developing Leaders for a Complex World by Jennifer Garvey Berger

What I am appreciating about the book – the way the author brings the lens of human development to the workplace.  I am learning so much about how we develop, why we stop developing, how our levels of development can explain our pain points and conflicts, and how we can find ways to make it to the next level.

What Amazon has to say:

Listen to people in every field and you’ll hear a call for more sophisticated leadership—for leaders who can solve more complex problems than the human race has ever faced. But these leaders won’t simply come to the fore; we have to develop them, and we must cultivate them as quickly as is humanly possible. Changing on the Job is a means to this end. As opposed to showing readers how to play the role of a leader in a “paint by numbers” fashion, Changing on the Job builds on theories of adult growth and development to help readers become more thoughtful individuals, capable of leading in any scenario. Moving from the theoretical to the practical, and employing real-world examples, author Jennifer Garvey Berger offers a set of building blocks to help cultivate an agile workforce while improving performance. Coaches, HR professionals, thoughtful leaders, and anyone who wants to flourish on the job will find this book a vital resource for developing their own capacities and those of the talent that they support.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

On the mid-life…

Actually, this is but one of many ‘crises’ or critical stages of development… What makes crises of these transition periods in the life cycle – that is problematic and painful – is that in successfully working our way through them we must give up cherished notions and old ways of doing and looking at the same things. Many people are either unwilling or unable to suffer the pain of giving up the outgrown which needs to be forsaken. Consequently, they cling, often forever, to their old patterns of thinking and behaving, thus failing to negotiate any crisis, to truly grow up, and to experience the joyful sense of rebirth that accompanies the successful transition into greater maturity.

He goes on…

Self-discipline is a self-enlarging process. The pain of giving up is the pain of death, but death of the old is birth of the new.

                                                                        ~ M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled

On expectations…

As we release the hold of expectations and disappointments, we stop trying to live into the imagined life and live the one we have been given, we discover a profound inner freedom to make choices out of love rather than obligation or resentment.

                                                                        ~ Christine Valters Paintner

What are old patterns and old ways of being that are no longer serving you and need to be released? How might you let go of some expectations and open space for opportunity and surprise? How can you take a leap and lean into the life you’ve been given, your authenticity, in order to allow yourself to expand and create alignment between the inner and outer worlds?

Photo by Sammie Vasquez on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

Coaching for Leaders with Dave Stachowiak

#425: Change Comes Through Resilience, with Leonardo Baumworcel

Leonardo Baumworcel is the director of Hospital São Lucas in Brazil. He oversees a 200-bed hospital and emergency room seeing 10,000 patients a month. He also oversees the work of 2,500 staff. He is a cardiologist by training and a recent alum of the Coaching for Leaders Academy.

Key Points:

• One way to utilize the podcast is to leverage it for staff training to get the entire team on the same page.
• Resilience is key when working to achieve your vision through change – beware of giving up too quickly.
• Leaders need to establish the frameworks and limitations for what to do – and then help people to have the freedom to work within it.
• Peer mentoring allows both leaders to learn from each other, instead of limiting the professional development to one person.

Resources Mentioned:

• Leading Change by John Kotter
• Our Iceberg is Melting by John Kotter and Holger Rathgeber

Book I’m Reading:

Creating the Work You Love: Courage, Commitment and Career  By Rick Jarow

In this unique and provocative look at work, career counselor Rick Jarow argues for a return to the concept of vocation–finding a “calling” instead of a job.

Traditional career guides inventory the individual skills, talents, and abilities that correlate to specific existing jobs. Creating the Work You Love presents a unique alternative approach, using self-reflective exercises based on the seven chakras, to help you determine the elements you need to create a life filled with meaning and purpose.

Jarow believes that it is possible to live and act from the most authentic part of ourselves, and to express our strongest values, energies, and talents through our work in the world. Concentrating on the attributes associated with each of the body’s energy centers, or chakras, Dr. Jarow helps us form a bridge between our personal priorities and the external activities of the work world. Once this bridge is established, strategies are developed to find a career that nourishes all aspects of our lives.

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

Limimal Space is the time between the past and the future; a place of transition, waiting, not knowing.  The word liminal comes from the Latin word limen, meaning threshold – any point or place of entering or beginning. Liminal space is where transformation takes place if we choose to wait and allow ourselves to be transformed.

I’ve been thinking a great deal about liminal space as I reflect upon the many transitions in my life and as I currently sit in this space, trying to embrace the uncertainty of change, being neither in the past nor the future. As I have physically transitioned from Seattle to LA and back to Seattle over the last two years, I have been sitting in this space of neither here nor there. These two years have been two of the most challenging, yet richest and most inspiring years, as I have grown and expanded and tested my wings. I have often turned to Pema Chodron and her wisdom on sitting in uncertainty. Here are a few of her thoughts on the subject that have been my companion lately.

What keeps us unhappy and stuck in a limited view of reality is our tendency to seek pleasure and avoid pain, to seek security and avoid discomfort. This is how we keep ourselves enclosed in a cocoon. Out there are all the planets and all the galaxies and vast space, but we’re stuck here in this cocoon. Moment after moment, we’re deciding that we would rather stay in that cocoon than step out into that big space. Life in our cocoon is cozy and secure. We’ve gotten it all together. It’s safe, it’s predictable, it’s convenient, and it’s trustworthy. If we fell ill at ease, we just fill in those gaps.

Our mind is always seeking zones of safety. We’re in this zone of safety and that’s what we consider life, getting it all together, security. Death is losing that. We fear losing our illusion of security-that’s what makes us anxious. We fear being confused and not knowing which way to turn. We want to know what’s happening. The mind is always seeking zones of safety, and these zones of safety are continually falling apart. Then we scramble to get another zone of safety back together again. We spend all our energy and waste our lives trying to re-create these zones of safety, which are always falling apart.  That’s the essence of samsara – the cycle of suffering that comes from continuing to seek happiness in all the wrong places.

                                    ~ Pema Chodron, Comfortable with Uncertainty

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

The Peter Attia Drive:

Expert insight on health, performance, longevity, critical thinking, and pursuing excellence. Dr. Peter Attia (Stanford/Hopkins/NIH-trained MD) talks with leaders in their fields.

Episodes #47, #48 and #49 – On the importance of sleep.

Ironically, I listened to this podcast while taking a red-eye flight to the East Coast for a workshop. What drew me to this podcast, in addition to the recommendation from my husband, was the combination of my interest in science and emotional intelligence. As someone who prides herself on doing more by sleeping less, this was a real eye-opener, pardon the pun.  I am rethinking my attitude towards sleeping and trying to re-prioritize to make sure I am getting enough zzzz’s.

#47 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part I of III: Dangers of poor sleep, Alzheimer’s risk, mental health, memory consolidation, and more.

In part 1 of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, describes the different stages and cycles of sleep, including what he calls the 4 pillars of sleep, and how they contribute to memory consolidation and numerous important pathways to mental health. We also get into the dangers of chronic sleep deprivation, such as the development of dementia, and the more acute dangers of sleep deprivation like fatal car crashes which are most often caused by drowsy driving. We also discuss the different and important roles of REM vs. non-REM sleep, and the impact that bad sleep habits can have specifically on those sleep stages.

#48 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D., on sleep – Part II of III: Heart disease, cancr, sexual function, and the causes of sleep disruption (and tips to correct it)

In part 2 of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, describes the preponderance of evidence linking poor sleep to cardiovascular disease, cancer and sexual function. He also details the impact of cortisol on our nervous system contributing to sleep disturbances and insomnia as well as the efficacy and risks associated with the most common sleeping pills. Matthew also describes the sleep needs of teenagers and urgently lays the case that we should reconsider school start times. We also get into the effect of electronics at night, the efficacy of napping, the general impact of modern society on our sleep habits, and what changes we can make to course correct.

#49 – Matthew Walker, Ph.D. on sleep – Part III of III: The penetrating effects of poor sleep from metabolism to performance to genetics, and the impact of caffeine, alcohol, THC, and CBD on sleep

In the final part of this 3 part series, Matthew Walker, professor of neuroscience at UC Berkeley and expert on sleep, discusses the omnipresent effects of insufficient sleep on everything from metabolism, appetite, athletic performance, decision-making, productivity, leadership, mental health, genetics, memory, and more. We also discuss the impact of caffeine and alcohol on sleep quality, the efficacy of sleep aids such as THC and CBD, and much more.

Book I’m Reading:

The Singing Neanderthals: The Origins of Music, Language, Mind, and Body by Steven Mithen

The propensity to make music is the most mysterious, wonderful, and neglected feature of humankind: this is where Steven Mithen began, drawing together strands from archaeology, anthropology, psychology, neuroscience–and, of course, musicology–to explain why we are so compelled to make and hear music. But music could not be explained without addressing language, and could not be accounted for without understanding the evolution of the human body and mind. Thus Mithen arrived at the wildly ambitious project that unfolds in this book: an exploration of music as a fundamental aspect of the human condition, encoded into the human genome during the evolutionary history of our species.

Music is the language of emotion, common wisdom tells us. In The Singing Neanderthals, Mithen introduces us to the science that might support such popular notions. With equal parts scientific rigor and charm, he marshals current evidence about social organization, tool and weapon technologies, hunting and scavenging strategies, habits and brain capacity of all our hominid ancestors, from australopithecines to Homo erectus, Homo heidelbergensis and Neanderthals to Homo sapiens–and comes up with a scenario for a shared musical and linguistic heritage. Along the way he weaves a tapestry of cognitive and expressive worlds–alive with vocalized sound, communal mimicry, sexual display, and rhythmic movement–of various species.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

On criticism, “The difference lay in what they believed. If the criticism aligned with a belief they held about themselves, it hurt like hell and stopped them in their tracks. But if they believed something different about themselves, they could simply ignore the feedback or, when appropriate, incorporate what was useful about it and move on.

Since the criticism that most hurts us mirrors a negative belief we hold about ourselves, often what feels like a problem with painful criticism is really a problem with what we believe about ourselves.”

                                                                        ~Tara Mohr, Playing Big

Consider a criticism you received that really stung. How does this criticism reflect a negative belief you hold about yourself, or something you fear may be true about yourself?

Where does this belief come from?  What experiences and messaging have served to support this belief? Is this belief really true or has it been inadvertently given to you?  How might you let go of beliefs no longer serving you? How might you reframe this belief about yourself to be more empowering?

Photo by Marc-Olivier Jodoin on Unsplash

Podcast I’m Listening To:

Father Richard Rohr: Finding Your True Self

Contemporary theologian and author Father Richard Rohr discusses how we can reconnect to our true self by overcoming the many ways in which our ego blocks our path. A Franciscan priest for more than 40 years and founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation in Albuquerque, NM, Father Richard has firsthand understanding of how silence and meditation, deeper spiritual intuition and the inherent experience of love can lad to transformational discoveries within oneself. According to Father Richard, within each of us lies the true self and the false self. The true self, he says, is what religion often calls the soul – your eternal essence. The false self is the persona you create for yourself. Father Richard believes your goal in life is to find and manifest your true self.

What I gained from this podcast was a new appreciation from his view on Fear vs. Connection, and the idea he presents that the ego keeps us separate and superior as opposed to connected and a part of community. I also appreciated his thoughts on suffering, particularly the idea that suffering can either be transmitted to others or can be used to bring transformation.  With that, have a listen!

Book I’m Re-Reading:

I have a passion for EQ and this book is easy to read, to the point, and has great and practical strategies for increasing your emotional intelligence.  Whether this is your first introduction to EQ or just a refresher, there is always something new or a good point for refreshment from this book.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves

In today’s fast-paced world of competitive workplaces and turbulent economic conditions, each of us is searching for effective tools that can help us to manage, adapt, and strike out ahead of the pack.

By now, emotional intelligence (EQ) needs little introduction—it’s no secret that EQ is critical to your success. But knowing what EQ is and knowing how to use it to improve your life are two very different things.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 delivers a step-by-step program for increasing your EQ via four, core EQ skills that enable you to achieve your fullest potential:

1) Self-Awareness
2) Self-Management
3) Social Awareness
4) Relationship Management

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 is a book with a single purpose—increasing your EQ.

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. 

                                                                                             ~ Carl Jung

I’ve been thinking a great deal about what causes some people to change and others to stay stuck or the same.  What makes people different that allows some to experience hardship and use the experience to move forward and thrive, rather than keeping them down, stuck in the cycle, unable to better their circumstances?

What is your self-narrative?  How do you tell your story? Do you get stuck in the cycle of blame or do you take personal responsibility and create forward action, owning what you can change and working to make change happen? How do you make the “unconscious conscious” and become the director of your life?  What has shaped you and your view on resiliency? How do we become agents of change and be the change we want to see?

Podcast I’m Listening To:

 The Drive: #12 – Corey McCarthy: Overcoming trauma, dealing with shame, finding meaning, changing the self-narrative, redemption, and the importance of gratitude

Corey and Peter met when they visited North Kern State Prison in California together as volunteers for Defy Ventures. Peter was moved by Corey’s remarkable story, who is a former inmate himself, and realized he had to have him on his podcast to share his experiences with a wider audience. You’ll almost assuredly take away something very important from listening to this episode. Understanding how your experiences can define you, what forgiveness means of both yourself and others, and how good people can do bad things, are just a few of the takeaways.

Video for Thought:

Brené Brown on Blame

You are probably a bit of a blamer – most of us are. But why should we give it up? In this witty sequel to our most watched RSA Short, inspirational thinker Brené Brown considers why we blame others, how it sabotages our relationships, and why we desperately need to move beyond this toxic behavior.

Three Thoughts for Thursday

Quote or Passage I’m Pondering and Appreciating:

“Do not wait; the time will never be ‘just right.’ Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.”

–George Herbert

Book I’m Reading:

I recently had the fabulous opportunity to hear Melinda Gates speak about her journey and the lessons she has learned along the way as she debuted her new book here in LA.  I am excited to finish reading her story.

The Moment of Lift: How Empowering Women Changes the World by Melinda Gates

A debut from Melinda Gates, a timely and necessary call to action for women’s empowerment.

“How can we summon a moment of lift for human beings – and especially for women? Because when you lift up women, you lift up humanity.”

For the last twenty years, Melinda Gates has been on a mission to find solutions for people with the most urgent needs, wherever they live. Throughout this journey, one thing has become increasingly clear to her: If you want to lift a society up, you need to stop keeping women down.

In this moving and compelling book, Melinda shares lessons she’s learned from the inspiring people she’s met during her work and travels around the world. As she writes in the introduction, “That is why I had to write this book—to share the stories of people who have given focus and urgency to my life. I want all of us to see ways we can lift women up where we live.”

Melinda’s unforgettable narrative is backed by startling data as she presents the issues that most need our attention—from child marriage to lack of access to contraceptives to gender inequity in the workplace. And, for the first time, she writes about her personal life and the road to equality in her own marriage. Throughout, she shows how there has never been more opportunity to change the world—and ourselves.

Writing with emotion, candor, and grace, she introduces us to remarkable women and shows the power of connecting with one another.

When we lift others up, they lift us up, too.

Podcast I’m Listening To:

Tara Brach (Author or Radical Acceptance)

Taking Refuge from January 6, 2010

The Buddha taught three archetypal domains in which we awaken presence and realize freedom. In contrast to our habitual false refuges, these gateways of true refuge are dependable because they express the timeless truth of what we are. This talk shines a light on false refuges, guides us in exploring the meaning of each of the three Buddhist refuges and ends in a ritual of “taking refuge.”