My ponderings last month around change have continued; I have been thinking about the difference between change that is chosen and change that feels forced upon us. In order to choose change, we need to be able to see a reason to change. I remember in coaching school, hearing that in order for people to change, either the pain needed to be great enough or the promise of something better needed to be sweet enough, otherwise, change would appear too risky or not worth it for the client.
My mind then jumped to the type of change that is forced upon us. I began to consider how we might become more adaptable and capable of the reflection necessary to allow us to be reflective and flexible enough to see how change might serve us, to embrace change with more equanimity, whether chosen or forced upon us. Habits came to mind as an answer to adopting a way of being that supports adaptability and flexibility in a world where change is the only constant.
I took a course on the Science of Habits with James Garrett of Brain by Design and have been participating in his weekly Mastermind sessions. Lately, I’ve been working with him as a coach to develop new habits to support me to the finish line of my Ph.D. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, notes that you shouldn’t set goals but rather should focus on systems. To be clear, these habits won’t just serve me to meet this goal of finishing the dissertation; these new habits will serve me beyond graduation toward not only the career I want to build but also the person I aim to become. I am building systems to become the person I want to become. Professionally, I want to teach, coach, and write. Personally, I want to keep running marathons, travel, and be a present, attentive, patient, kind, adventurous, supportive mom and wife. To do this, I need to learn habits to help me focus, maintain boundaries, be realistic in my expectations for myself and others, be efficient with my work time, accept and strive for quality over quantity of time with my kids, and have the ability to seize the moments. These habits, it happens, will also serve to help me cross the Ph.D. finish line.
As you all know by now, I am a runner. I have developed the habit of running 3 to 4 days per week and swimming the days I don’t run to prevent over-training and injury. These habits not only support my marathon endeavors, but they also support my mental health and ability to focus, as well as my commitment to my health and my ability to keep up with the physical activity of my kids. These exercise habits support the active, adventurous mom I want to be, too. Do I always want to get up in the morning before the sun is up to run or swim? No, but I have learned over the years of experimenting with these routines that I am a better mom, wife, and human if I start my day with exercise. I have learned to love this time, and the feelings of accomplishment, peace, gratitude, calm, invigoration, and focus help me to be the person I want to be, now and in the future. These training habits have also been instrumental in my mental ability to take on and overcome challenges in life; currently, the challenge I am working to overcome is finishing my Ph.D. In thinking about being present and focusing on quality over quantity, I have been working to create opportunities to do special things with my family, like going bowling, taking a trip out to see the tulips in bloom, etc.
If habits are the building blocks, what do I want to build? Who do I want to become? Rather than setting goals and thinking about what you want to achieve, what if you reframe this to consider the kind of person you want to be and build the habits towards becoming that version of yourself?
With this in mind, I offer these questions to consider: Who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What habits might that future ideal self possess? How might you begin to build those habits now? What small changes might you make? How might you create accountability? What systems do you need to build? Who might you tell about your systems and processes that will support your growth?
Quote(s) I’m pondering:
People do not decide their futures, they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures.
~ F.M. Alexander ~
What I’m listening to:
The Tim Ferriss Show – 648: James Clear, Atomic Habits — Simple Strategies for Building (and Breaking) Habits, Questions for Personal Mastery and Growth, Tactics for Writing and Launching a Mega-Bestseller, Finding Leverage, and More
“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”
— James Clear
James Clear (@JamesClear) is a writer and speaker focused on habits and continuous improvement. He is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Atomic Habits, which covers easy and proven ways to build good habits and break bad ones. The book has sold more than 10 million copies worldwide and has been translated into more than 50 languages. On average, Atomic Habits has sold one copy every 15 seconds since it was published.
James is also the creator of the 3-2-1 Newsletter, which is one of the most popular email newsletters in the world and has more than 2 million subscribers. Each issue contains 3 short ideas from James, 2 quotes from other people, and 1 question to consider that week. You can sign up for free at JamesClear.com.
He is a regular speaker at Fortune 500 companies, and his work is used by players and coaches in the NFL, NBA, and MLB. In college, he was an Academic All-American baseball player, and he is an avid weightlifter.
Please enjoy!
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Podcast Addict, Pocket Casts, Castbox, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Amazon Music, or on your favorite podcast platform. You can watch the video on YouTube here
Some other podcasts to check out from one of my favorites, The Good Life podcast with Jonathan Fields, to help you build new habits and overcome hurdles:
How to Feel Safe, Secure & at Peace – “Polyvagal podcast” – Stephen Porges, PhD & Seth Porges
Science-Based Tools to Dial Down Stress – Dr. Jenny Taitz
How to Unwind Anxiety – Dr. Jud Brewer
What I’m reading:
James Clear notes that “habits are the compound interest of self-improvement” and observes that we tend to dismiss small changes because they seem too small to matter in the moment; in other words, we don’t stop to notice how the small things add up to big things long-term and we tend to be short-sighted. He also notes that oftentimes, “we make a few changes, but the results never seem to come quickly, and so we slide back into our previous routines” (16-17). Further, he offers that we should be more concerned with our trajectory or the path we are on, than our current results (18). My favorite call-out and reminder was this:
“Your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits. Your net worth is a lagging measure of your financial habits. Your weight is a lagging measure of your eating habits. (I would add here your exercise habits, too). Your knowledge is a lagging measure of your learning habits. Your clutter is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits. You get what you repeat” (18).
Atomic Habits
By James Clear
The #1 New York Times bestseller. Over 15 million copies sold!
Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results
No matter your goals, Atomic Habits offers a proven framework for improving–every day. James Clear, one of the world’s leading experts on habit formation, reveals practical strategies that will teach you exactly how to form good habits, break bad ones, and master the tiny behaviors that lead to remarkable results.
If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system. Bad habits repeat themselves again and again, not because you don’t want to change, but because you have the wrong system for change. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. Here, you’ll get a proven system that can take you to new heights.
Clear is known for his ability to distill complex topics into simple behaviors that can be easily applied to daily life and work. Here, he draws on the most proven ideas from biology, psychology, and neuroscience to create an easy-to-understand guide for making good habits inevitable and bad habits impossible. Along the way, readers will be inspired and entertained with true stories from Olympic gold medalists, award-winning artists, business leaders, life-saving physicians, and star comedians who have used the science of small habits to master their craft and vault to the top of their field.
Learn how to:
- make time for new habits (even when life gets crazy)
- overcome a lack of motivation and willpower
- design your environment to make success easier
- get back on track when you fall off course
…and much more.
Atomic Habits will reshape the way you think about progress and success and give you the tools and strategies you need to transform your habits–whether you are a team looking to win a championship, an organization hoping to redefine an industry, or simply an individual who wishes to quit smoking, lose weight, reduce stress, or achieve any other goal.
~
You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here. If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at March’s Three Thoughts and my recent post, View from the Rearview Mirror. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Stay tuned for my upcoming post in progress, “You are the Missing Piece!”
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
Last year, I celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids. I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness. I hosted the event again and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! I will also be co-hosting an event in June. Details coming soon! Contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. We kicked off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27th with guest Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.” Our next guest, Irené Turtle, will present her work with Emotional Intelligence, share with us the themes she sees in coaching today, and discuss the topic of confidence. Register today! You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our sessions in 2024!
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Wishing you a season of new habits with big impact, aspiring to be your best self, and renewed commitment to the journey of becoming! Thank you for being a part of my journey!
Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching 