Presence and Balance – Three Thoughts for Thursday – April 2025

~ Experimenting with Presence and Balance ~

I’m late by a week and a day this month! I’m switching it up to keep it fresh now that perhaps we’ve all gotten used to my Three Thoughts for Thursday coming out on the 3rd Thursday of the month?!  Actually, spring break was last week, and I am trying to be more intentional these days, to be more present with my kids after a long journey of the PhD and struggles to feel balanced and present in my life. I’m seeking quality over quantity in all things and experimenting with the sensation of balance this might produce in a world that never seems to sleep. Like ‘tree pose’ in yoga, I’m working on finding my core again after giving birth to my dissertation, learning my new center of gravity, and giving myself some grace as I wobble and rebuild my presence and balance muscles key to my practice and well-being.

Last week, we took an incredible trip to Oahu, where we explored Honolulu, including the Iolani Palace, Pearl Harbor, the U.S.S. Arizona, and the history of Hawaii. We also had some time at the beautiful beaches of Ala Moana, Waikiki, Kailua, Lanikai, and Laniakea, where we saw sea turtles, and my boys swam with them. We took a waterfall hike at Waimea and admired the gorgeous flowers, and I, of course, took my sunrise runs to ponder and reflect in the beauty surrounding me. I was inspired by and reflective of my daughter’s courage and confidence to swim and sing and dance with the characters at Aulani all on her own, by the sincerity, social awareness, and thoughtfulness of my middle son as we traveled, and by the reverence for our country and desire for inclusion of my oldest son.

Always striving to reflect, pause, savor, and adjust, I am noticing my thinking and ways of being, my thought patterns, and my internal chatter these days. I am diligently taking opportunities to build and create new habits, ways of seeing and thinking, and an internal voice that will serve me in becoming the best version of myself. I am committed to finding moments of joy, reveling in awe, and pausing to notice, name, and reframe as often as needed. I constantly remind myself that this life is one experiment after another with continual opportunities to try again, adjust, and adapt as I seek new balance and a more profound sense of presence. In my experimentation and reflection, I ask myself the same questions I pose for you…

Where do you need to give yourself grace? How often do you consider your thoughts and thinking patterns? How often do you pause and hear your internal voice? What does it say? What does it think aloud? What patterns do you observe as you notice your internal voice that calls out your thinking? Is the voice for you and who you desire to become? Or does this internal talking need some voice lessons? How might you question your thinking and redraft your voice so you have a mentor voice guiding you forward to become the future version of yourself you desire, one habit at a time, one day at a time, one reframed belief at a time? How do you focus on what you can control and what goes on inside, and let go of trying to control the thoughts and emotions of others and the external environment?

What I’m listening to:

Why MEL ROBBINS Says Letting Go is Key to Success
Good Life Project | Episode #1120, March 28, 2025

Unlock your power to thrive amidst chaos with Mel Robbins, voice behind the global phenomenon “The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About.”

In this profound conversation, Mel shares the counterintuitive wisdom of radical acceptance to help you reclaim your energy, cultivate inner peace, and create real positive change – no matter how turbulent your world becomes.

My Takeaways:

I struggle with letting go of control. Having moved around a lot as a kid and endured some medical oddities and challenges, along with other personal challenges, I’ve had to work as an adult to let go of my need to control situations, outcomes, and the emotions of others. I am a recovering perfectionist, and as I noted in my last Three Thoughts that featured my divine trip to Costa Rica, and my recent readings of The Courage to Be Disliked and this month’s Don’t Believe Everything You Think, I am working on staying on my own mat, controlling only my actions and responses, and letting go of trying to control others. This podcast spoke to me as Mel and Jonathan discussed her new book and philosophy of letting go, which she calls the “Let Them” way of being. 

As I work to maintain the sense of well-being and peace I obtained in Costa Rica and continue my journey of letting go of control and being more intentional with where I put my energy, this podcast spoke to me. This book will undoubtedly be added to my reading list. In a world that feels out of control, I have often been thinking of Viktor Frankl’s ideas that all we can control is our internal world, and we have control of our internal peace, joy, and well-being.

What I’m reading:

Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking is the Beginning & End of Suffering
By Joseph Ngyuen

My Thoughts and Takeaways:

“questioning your own thinking creates 

s       p         a       c         e   

for new thoughts

     to change your life” 

How many of you find yourself overthinking, ruminating, stuck in thought patterns and beliefs? When I saw the title of this book, I had to pick it up! I have experienced the benefits of being able to learn to catch my thoughts in action and shift their direction, question them, reframe them, and it has been powerful. As I’ve reflected on in previous posts, I’ve offered the examples of when my kids were sick and my husband was out of town, and I caught myself lamenting and feeling quite sorry for myself, then reframed and realized I was quite fortunate to have more than one bathroom to clean, for the easy with which I simply went to the story for cleaning supplies and juice. Then just last month, I offered my reflections as I arrived in Costa Rica and started thinking of “shoulds” and the judgment and ruminating started, but I caught it and allowed my trip to be what I needed it to be – space to finish lingering work, space to relax and breath deeply, space to connect with my mentor and friend. The thinking and judging and ruminating on the thoughts were the problem indeed, and as I began to notice the pattern, I began practicing noticing and letting the thoughts float by, or reframing to create space for peace.

That said, it is a journey I am still on – to catch those thought patterns that no longer served me, to question them, examine them, and reshape them to unlock my well-being and ability to aspire to the best version of me. Ngyuen offered a tool to help catch the thinking:

P – Pause and take deep breaths to calm your nervous system and ground in the present.

A – Ask yourself, “is this thinking making me feel the way I want?” Or “do I want to keep suffering”

U – Understand you have a choice

S – Say and repeat the mantra, “Thinking is the root cause of suffering” to help quiet the mind from thinking until it subsides and passes

E – Experience your emotions fully without judgement, resistance, nor thinking – don’t think, just feel

“what we hold on to

     perpetuates our reality

what we let go of

     creates new possibilities”

What Amazon has to say:

Instant New York Times bestseller!

Learn how to overcome anxiety, self-doubt, and self-sabotage without needing to rely on motivation or willpower.

Now in a beautiful, expanded edition with even more personalized guidance.

“An essential first step to letting go of that suffering.” —Simon Sinek
“An inspirational guide.” —Deepak Chopra
“The tools necessary to rediscover our intuition and to create a future aligned with our individual goals and inspiration.” —Dr. Nicole LePera
“A relatable guide that shows all of us how to free ourselves from toxic overthinking and replace it with inner peace.” —Lori Gottlieb
“Brilliant and easy solutions to avoid overthinking.” —Francesc Miralles
“A thoughtful way to help you retrain your brain.” —Apple Books

In this book, you’ll discover the root cause of all psychological and emotional suffering and how to achieve freedom of mind to effortlessly create the life you’ve always wanted to live.

Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

This book offers a completely new paradigm and understanding of where our human experience comes from, allowing us to end our own suffering and create how we want to feel at any moment.

New in this expanded edition:

• New chapters addressing reader questions and feedback
• Journaling prompts and contemplative exercises to let go of negative ruminative thinking
• Original poetry to uplift, encourage, and inspire

In This Book, You’ll Discover:

• The root cause of all psychological and emotional suffering and how to end it
• How to become unaffected by negative thoughts and feelings
• How to experience unconditional love, peace, and joy in the present, no matter your external circumstances
• How to instantly create a new experience of life if you don’t like the one you’re in right now
• How to break free from negative thought loops
• How to let go of anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage, and self-destructive habits
• How to effortlessly create from a state of abundance, flow, and ease
• How to develop the superpower of being okay with uncertainty
• How to access your intuition and inner wisdom beyond the limitations of thinking

No matter what has happened to you, where you are from, or what you have done, you can still find total peace, unconditional love, complete fulfillment, and an abundance of joy in your life. No person is an exception to this. Darkness only exists because of the light, which means even in our darkest hour, light must exist.

Within these pages, you’ll find timeless wisdom to empower you with the understanding of our mind’s infinite potential to create any experience of life we want, regardless of external circumstances.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think is not about rewiring your brain, rewriting your past, or positive thinking. We cannot solve our problems with the same level of consciousness that created them. Tactics are temporary. An expansion of consciousness is permanent.

This book was written to help you go beyond your thinking and discover the truth of what you already intuitively know deep inside your soul.

Bonus Fiction Recommendation: 

The Covenant of Water
By Abraham Verghese

My thoughts:

I feel pretty proud of myself that I finished reading all 715 pages of The Covenant of Water, recommended to me by a previous grad student I’ve had the honor of keeping in touch with. Luckily, the book pulled me right in, and the commitment to the journey was well worth it! While it took me a couple of months, I loved weaving into my life, a book that let me see into another culture and allowed me to journey through generations of the story of a family that began with a 12-year-old bride through to the adulthood of her granddaughter. Known as Big Ammachi, I was inspired by the journey of becoming of this 12-year old bride and her dedication and commitment, her kindness and joy. I love the way books provide us an opportunity to travel through time to different lands to look through new lenses and experience different ways of being, yet also experience similarities that unite us as humans across time and place.

What Amazon has to say:

OPRAH’S BOOK CLUB PICK • INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • SUBJECT OF A SIX-PART SUPER SOUL PODCAST SERIES HOSTED BY OPRAH WINFREY

From the New York Times-bestselling author of Cutting for Stone comes a stunning and magisterial epic of love, faith, and medicine, set in Kerala, South India, following three generations of a family seeking the answers to a strange secret

“One of the best books I’ve read in my entire life. It’s epic. It’s transportive . . . It was unputdownable!”—Oprah Winfrey, OprahDaily.com

An instant New York Times and indie bestseller and an Oprah Book Club Pick, The Covenant of Water has sold more than two million copies worldwide and was widely named as a best book of the year. Spanning the years 1900 to 1977, Abraham Verghese’s long-awaited, masterful novel follows three generations of a Christian family in Kerala, South India, that suffers a peculiar affliction: in every generation, at least one person dies by drowning. As the novel opens, a twelve-year-old girl is sent by boat to her wedding, where she meets her husband for the first time. She joins a prosperous household and becomes known as Big Ammachi, the matriarch of an extraordinary family that will endure hardship, celebrate triumph, and witness unthinkable changes over the coming decades.

An exquisite modern classic finally available in paperback, The Covenant of Water is an unforgettable and stunning epic of love, faith, and medicine.

~

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at March’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Take a look at my latest post, “Embracing JOY in 2025.” Also, check out the new 5th Lesson of the Run – Humility and Adaptability, and my previous post, “YOU are the MISSING Piece!” and stay tuned for an update to this piece!

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
As I mentioned, the stroke I had in February 2018 was a pivotal event and a valuable turning point in my life; you can read more in my commemorative post. Please join me in celebrating these milestones, turning points, and calls to “winter,” by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.

Over the course of the last two years, I’ve hosted a few local, in-person events here in the Seattle area, like Savor the Sweetness and the Serenity Retreat.  If you are interested in such local events, please contact me for more information, with any questions, or to join the invite list for future events! The Serenity Retreat will return June 14^th – stay tuned!!!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We  kicked off our 2025 explorations and learning journey on February 25th with guest Dr. J.D. Pincus of AgileBrain, who walked us through The LA Wildfires through the Lens of Emotional Needs: Coaching in Times of Loss.  In 2024, we had Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  We explored The Relevance of EI in the Workplace and Exploring and Supporting Confidence in Our Clients, with guest, Irené Turtle, Executive and Team Coach. In August, I hosted and spoke on the topic of “Decision-Making and Anxiety in the Workplace”. We closed the year on October 22nd with guest Dr. Sohee Jun, who spoke on the topic of How to Be” vs. “Who We Are”: Confidence and Authenticity in the Workplace. If these sorts of topics intrigue you, please come join us! You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our remaining sessions in 2025, taking place in June, August and October!
 
I have also joined forces with James Garrett at BrainByDesign, where I have the distinct privilege of working with colleagues, Paula Miles and Sandra Clifton, to support aspiring female leaders in the workshop series, The Brain Science Advantage for Women Leaders. This 8-week course takes a deep dive into the brain science of habits, productivity, fear, and happiness and includes 8 live sessions with James, Paula, Sandra, and me where we dive even deeper into related issues specifically relevant to women. Check it out and join us for the next journey starting September 5th!
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Wishing you a season of presence and balance, observing your thoughts, quieting your thinking, strengthening your core, and designing an inner voice that is for you!! Thank you for being a part of my journey!