Three Thoughts for Thursday – March 2024

~ Change is HARD!! ~

I have observed lately that I’m not the only one who sometimes struggles with change. I want to think I’m fairly adaptable and flexible and readily embrace change; I’ve experienced enough change in my life that I’ve become more adept at creating change as I’ve grown up and gotten older. I try to think through what I might learn before rejecting or fighting change, how I might grow, and what possibilities could come from the change before me.
 
Let me first try to separate out challenge and change. Change can be challenging, but let’s consider change by itself, if possible.  I know from the outside sometimes, I observe people, myself included, remain in jobs, situations, and relationships, even though they don’t like them, simply because they fear the unknown, fear change. I also know that one of my strengths is determination, which can cause me to either resist change or stay on the path of change, a new path, too long. I have also experienced change that is negative, change that feels forced upon me, and change that is positive and/or chosen. All change, whether positive or negative, forced or chosen, can be challenging as it requires a new way of being and adaptation.
 
Springtime, the change of seasons in general, illustrates for us the biological march of change. Life is always changing. Springtime change brings to mind growth, and growth can be painful. Even the change we want to take place can be hard. We humans are creatures of habit. Our brains love both challenge and growth and also stability and predictability. I have been thinking of a seed cracking open to bring forth new life and how to embrace the cracking, knowing the beauty that will come from within. This image is one I hold on to when faced with change as I work to muster the courage to take the first step on a new path. I have also been reflecting on the past and how reviewing all the changes and their benefits might help me face change going forward with greater stamina and openness.
 
How do you approach change? Do you embrace all change? How does change impact you differently if it is positive or chosen versus difficult or forced upon you? Can you think of a time when the change was hard, but as time passed, you felt gratitude for the journey and destination the change made possible? When have you resisted change? Can you think of a time when the change was sought out, was positive, and still hard? What was hardest about the change, and what was the outcome? How do you ensure you are reflecting in order to know where change is necessary? How can reflection help build tolerance and resilience? 

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”

~ James Baldwin ~

“Change. But start slowly, because direction is more important than speed.”

~ Paulo Coelho ~

“Whenever a transition is called for, view it as your soul knocking at the door of your life, bearing more gifts for you to bring to the world. Change is a call from your soul to grow.”

~ Sonia Choquette ~

What I’m listening to:

Jonathan Fields, host of one of my favorite podcasts, The Good Life, has a new podcast, Sparked! I couldn’t help but listen and found more than one that fit with my ponderings on change this month. I hope you enjoy both!

We all have big dreams inside us – of launching that business, asking for the promotion, or finally working up the courage to leave the unfulfilling job. But so often, we shy away from fully pursuing those dreams because we worry about stability, acceptance from others, or our own self-doubt.

We’re in conversation with Deborah Owens.

After a long career in leadership in some of the biggest companies in the world, Deborah founded her own consulting firm, Corporate Alley Cat, where she advises and coaches People of Color in all aspects of career visioning and development. She has this incredible ability to see what’s happening under the surface in any given situation, and ask questions that get to the heart of the matter and reveal the possibilities that feel both empowering and expansive.

The question is: what do you do when you find yourself at a crossroads? Do you rigidly cling to outdated plans and force failure? Or do you have the courage to tear up the blueprint and start again, aligned with your new reality?

Guest, Charlie Gilkey, is intimately familiar with this entrepreneurial rite of passage. In our conversation, Charlie shares his wisdom on what to do when you realize it’s time to reconsider your goals. With insight gained from years of experience, he reveals how to take stock of where you actually are right now, not where you hoped to be, and create an updated plan aligned with that reality.

With Charlie’s guidance, you’ll learn how to rework your plans while honoring the past and creating space for the emergence of new possibilities.

What I’m reading:

Part of my ponderings and reflections on change have come from my reading and my own pursuits to challenge myself to look through different lenses. As the James Baldwin quote above notes, we must face what can be changed to create change. I have been reflecting on some of the changes throughout history that now seem distant, pushing myself to consider challenging questions and moments of historical change. This book helped me to consider my own race and complicated identity. While I look white, I grew up spending a great deal of time with my Hispanic grandmother, learning how to cook Mexican food, sew, and embroider, enjoying our annual and very large Covarrubias family reunion, and feeling deeply connected to this side of the family. I grew up with the mindset that I needed to put my head down, work hard, and follow the college path which I followed straight on through Yale, where I often felt I didn’t belong. I have struggled with knowing where I truly belong, and as I age, I am leaning into this idea that I belong in both spaces and I belong because of my differences. More to come on these ponderings in a post I am working on, “You are the Missing Piece!” In any event, this book helped me process some of my own questions about race and the juxtaposition of how I appear/the outside versus how I identify/the inside. This book also helped me consider how long some changes take and how complex change can be and provided me with a new view on race and identity.

What Amazon has to say:

For twenty-five years, Debby Irving sensed inexplicable racial tensions in her personal and professional relationships. As a colleague and neighbor, she worried about offending people she dearly wanted to befriend. As an arts administrator, she didn’t understand why her diversity efforts lacked traction. As a teacher, she found her best efforts to reach out to students and families of color left her wondering what she was missing. Then, in 2009, one “aha!” moment launched an adventure of discovery and insight that drastically shifted her worldview and upended her life plan. In Waking Up White, Irving tells her often cringe-worthy story with such openness that readers will turn every page rooting for her-and ultimately for all of us.

To further support my work to reflect, expand, process discomfort, and embrace change, I picked up this journal to work through this year…

What Amazon has to say:

Reflect, meditate, and explore through a full year of Zen journaling

Each day is a fresh start—it can be loaded with stress or decorated with moments of calm and clarity. Embark on a wondrous journey through the self with this 52-week guided journal from Zen priest and teacher Bonnie Myotai Treace. Her wise, thought-provoking prompts will lead beginners and experienced practitioners alike through the seasons, filling the blank spaces with peaceful self-exploration and reflection every day.

Discover insightful and creative prompts like:

~

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at February’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. And stay tuned for my upcoming post in progress, “You are the Missing Piece!” and “The View from the Rearview Mirror.”

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
Last year, I celebrated the 5^th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids.  I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.
 
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  I hosted the event again and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! Contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We kicked off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27^th, with guest, Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our sessions in 2024 – the next one is in May!
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of reflection, appreciation for the journey behind you, embracing change, and the gift of seeing the beauty in the rearview mirror! Thank you for being a part of my journey!