Three Thoughts for Thursday – March 2025

~ Untangling and Releasing ~

You may have noticed that the 3rd Thursday of March passed us by, and you did not receive my usual Three Thoughts for Thursday, March edition. I decided to give myself a vacation pass last week to walk the talk and take some time off. I took a trip to Costa Rica, traveling on my own, to celebrate the completion of my PhD this past December – yes, I am continuing to celebrate and savor – and to begin to really untangle and unknot myself from the 5-year journey of becoming a PhD.
 
I stayed in Playa Avellanas with a good friend and mentor who has a place she works remotely from during the grey Seattle days of January – April. It was absolutely divine! Joyful! I found myself waiting for my ride at the airport and not minding a bit at the unexpected and extended length of the wait, peacefully sitting in the warm sunshine alone with my thoughts. I recognized in the first two days the feeling of needing to finish work, to accomplish a few things I’d set out to finish before leaving, and also feeling compelled to set expectations. These expectations were mostly around how I thought I should pack in time at the beach as if obligated to make something of the time. As I noticed the thoughts and the judgment of thoughts, I decided to observe and let them pass on by. I let go of the expectations and slowly allowed myself to untangle, sink in, and accept that the time and experience would be what it would be and would be exactly what I needed if I simply allowed myself to settle.
 
As I mentioned, I arrived still needing to finish updating my Canvas site and syllabus for the spring term undergraduate course I’m teaching starting next week. I allowed myself the time and space to accomplish the task, to take a call or two, and to slowly ease into the vacation. I also intentionally made space for walks on the beach and sunsets, observing that taking morning walks and working in the afternoon, then returning to the beach for sunset was a great way to also manage through and adjust to the peaks of heat that were quite different from the current Seattle weather. I arrived on Tuesday morning. By Thursday, I was deeper into embracing my time and could feel the knots and tangles releasing as I began to let go, in my own time, with intention and observation. I went to a yoga class on the beach with my friend. I read several books. I had delicious fresh fruit smoothies and collected beautiful shells on my walks in the warm water and sand. By Friday, I had reserved myself a chair and umbrella and allowed myself to spend the whole day reading at the beach, enjoying good food, and time in the ocean to cool off periodically. I had released expectations and felt more present and calmer than I can honestly ever remember.
 
Saturday and Sunday were spent in Monteverde, where I remember visiting my junior year of high school when I raised money to tag along with a group of students led by my dear Spanish teacher, Senora Deb Schultz. It was so delightful to travel to a place that began my journey of independence and love of travel, to remember who I was and who I am – curious, strong, hard-working, and deserving of joy and rest. We visited a sloth preserve and hiked El Tigre Waterfalls, a 5-mile hike through the rainforest with MANY spectacular waterfalls. I felt the transformative power of awe, gratitude, and peace that comes with being fully immersed in the experience of being present.
 
On my last day, I went to another yoga class where I met amazing connections related to my PhD and the work I hope to do. I love how the universe connects us in the most unexpected times and places. I walked on the beach and reveled in this incredible opportunity to so fully untangle the knots I’d tied myself into through the course of the PhD years, especially the last year of the journey. I’ve now been back for two days, and the afterglow is still with me, the joy still present. I hope I will find ways to hold on to the peace, calm, gratitude, and joy. I feel inspired by my friend, continuously crafting her authentic life, and I feel committed to continuing my own journey of authenticity and gratitude, too. I seek to continue to find daily opportunities for happiness in the goodness that surrounds me and to remember to allow myself more joy to fuel the light within.
 
When was the last time you gave yourself the permission and time to fully disengage and untangle? What keeps you from finding more frequent practices to support remaining less knotted and tangled in the stresses of everyday life? What supports you in practicing gratitude and seeing the good and joy that are present in the every day and even the mundane? Where do you dream of going that would bring you joy and peace and an opportunity to remember who you were and who you still are at your core? How can you practice being present and joyful just where you are? What practices might you like to integrate into your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, and annual plans to support your well-being? What do you dream of to support your peace and inspire your authenticity? Can you think of a time when you felt both satisfaction and joy?  What are the actions you need to take to support a deep sense of well-being and lasting joy?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.

~ Henry Ward Beecher ~

What I’m listening to:

Episode #57: Permission to Be Joyful: Overcoming Barriers to Happiness with Lisa Even

The Courage Effect 
Hosted by Suzanne Weller, with Guest Lisa Even

Suzanne talks with Lisa Even (speaker, coach, author, and JOY connoisseur) about choosing joy in our lives, even when faced with challenges and obstacles. Lisa shares her insights on how to infuse joy into our daily lives, emphasizing that it’s a personal choice that requires courage, attention, and nurturing. We also discussed the concept of a “good ripple effect” and how our attitudes and actions can positively impact those around us.

My notes and takeaways:

Joy vs. happiness – joy is yours to choose; you feel more alive and create things that bring you fun and energy when you feel joy

The case for joy: the choice is yours…it is a mindset and a choice

Toxic positivity vs. joy – crappy to happy – how do you make the transition? Both/and world – you don’t have to gloss over the bad stuff to also see the joy or “season it” with joy, infuse with joy. Time gives perspective

Pair joy with something else, like building a habit –  stack it onto something you already do so it becomes a regular practice.

Make joy a habit!

What I’m reading:

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World
By His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu, with Douglas Abrams 

My thoughts and takeaways:
 
In full transparency, I’m still finishing this book. I started reading it on my trip to Costa Rica and was immediately hooked by the wisdom. I deeply appreciate the reminder that the “ultimate source of happiness is within us. Not money, not power, not status. …Outward attainment will not bring real inner joyfulness.” Further, many of these strivings for outer joy actually undermine the joy and happiness we can create ourselves. Some of our negative tendencies, which come from the way our brain evolved to protect life, include emotional reactivity or an inability to appreciate and utilize the resources that exist within us. The example is given that we cannot control the suffering from a natural disaster, but we can control the suffering from daily disasters, and while we create much of our suffering, this can also give us hope that we can also create more joy.
 
The Archbishop gives the example of how joy subsumes happiness as he talks of a mother giving birth, noting, “Mothers know that they are going to have pain, the great pain of giving birth. But they accept it. And even after the most painful labor, once the baby is out, you can’t measure the mother’s joy. It is one of those incredible things that joy can come so quickly from suffering.”
 
Paul Ekman, famed emotions researcher and longtime friend of the Dalai Lama, offers a list that joy is associated with feelings as varied as:

• Pleasure (of the 5 senses)
• Amusement (from a chuckle to a belly laugh)
• Contentment (a calmer kind of satisfaction)
• Excitement (in response to novelty or challenge)
• Relief (following upon another emotion, such as fear, anxiety or even pleasure)
• Wonder (before something astonishing and admirable)
• Ecstasy or bliss (transporting us outside ourselves)
• Exultation (at having accomplished something difficult or daring)
• Radiant pride (when our children earn a special honor)
• Unhealthy jubilation or schadenfreude (relishing in someone else’s suffering)
• Elevation (from having witnessed an act of kindness, generosity, or compassion)
• Gratitude (the appreciation of a selfless act of which one is the beneficiary)
• Rejoicing (in someone else’s happiness, what Buddhists call mudita)
• Delight or enchantment (a shining kind of contentment)
• Spiritual radiance (a serene joy born from deep well-being and benevolence)

 
“…lasting joy – joy as a way of being – that one witnesses in the Archbishop and the Dalai Lama is probably closest to ‘shining contentment’ or the ‘spiritual radiance born from deep well-being and benevolence.”
 
The Dalai Lama offers, “Yes, it is true. Joy is something different from happiness. When I use the word happiness, in a sense I mean satisfaction. Sometimes we have a painful experience, but that experience, as you’ve said with birth, can bring great satisfaction and joyfulness.”
 
“…as we recognize others’ suffering and realize that we are not alone, our pain is lessened.”
 
The Dalai Lama further offers that there are actually two different kinds of happiness. “The first is the enjoyment of pleasure through our senses. Here, sex, the example I cited, is one such experience. But we can also experience happiness at the deeper level through our mind, such as love, compassion, and generosity. What characterizes happiness at this deeper level is the sense of fulfillment that you experience. While the joy of the senses is brief, the joy at this deeper level is much longer lasting. It is true joy.”
 
The unsatisfactory nature of pursuing pleasure alone in science is referred to as the hedonic treadmill. Scientists have found that the more we experience pleasure, the more we become numb to its effects, and we begin to take pleasure for granted.
 
There are 4 independent brain circuits that influence our lasting well-being:

1. Our ability to maintain positive states.
2. Our ability to recover from negative states.
3. Our ability to focus and avoid mind-wandering.
4. Our ability to be generous.

 The Archbishop notes that “…our greatest joy is when we seek to do good for others…we’re wired to be compassionate.”
 
Research suggests that cultivating your own joy and happiness has benefits not just for you but also for others in your life. When we are able to move beyond our own pain and suffering, we are more available to others…”
 
“The more we turn toward others, the more joy we experience, and the more joy we experience, the more we can bring joy to others.”
 
The Archbishop offered that the goal is not just to create joy for ourselves but “to be a reservoir of joy, and oasis of peace, a pool of serenity that can ripple out to all those around you.”
 
 What Amazon has to say:
 
An instant New York Times bestseller. Over 1 million copies sold!

Two spiritual giants. Five days. One timeless question.

Nobel Peace Prize Laureates His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and the soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships—or, as they would say, because of them—they are two of the most joyful people on the planet.

In April 2015, Archbishop Tutu traveled to the Dalai Lama’s home in Dharamsala, India, to celebrate His Holiness’s eightieth birthday and to create what they hoped would be a gift for others. They looked back on their long lives to answer a single burning question: How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering?

They traded intimate stories, teased each other continually, and shared their spiritual practices. By the end of a week filled with laughter and punctuated with tears, these two global heroes had stared into the abyss and despair of our time and revealed how to live a life brimming with joy.

This book offers us a rare opportunity to experience their astonishing and unprecedented week together, from the first embrace to the final goodbye.

We get to learn as they explore the Nature of True Joy and confront each of the Obstacles of Joy—from fear, stress, and anger to grief, illness, and death. They then offer us the Eight Pillars of Joy, which provide the foundation for lasting happiness. Throughout, they include stories, wisdom, and science. Finally, they share their daily Joy Practices that anchor their own emotional and spiritual lives.

The Archbishop has never claimed sainthood, and the Dalai Lama considers himself a simple monk. In this unique collaboration, they offer us the reflection of real lives filled with pain and turmoil, in the midst of which they have been able to discover a level of peace, courage, and joy to which we can all aspire in our own lives.

~

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at February’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Take a look at my latest post, “Embracing JOY in 2025.” Also, check out the new 5th Lesson of the Run – Humility and Adaptability, and my previous post, “YOU are the MISSING Piece!” and stay tuned for an update to this piece!

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
As I mentioned, the stroke I had in February 2018 was a pivotal event and a valuable turning point in my life; you can read more in my commemorative post. Please join me in celebrating these milestones, turning points, and calls to “winter,” by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.

Over the course of the last two years, I’ve hosted a few local, in-person events here in the Seattle area, like Savor the Sweetness and the Serenity Retreat.  If you are interested in such local events, please contact me for more information, with any questions, or to join the invite list for future events!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We  kicked off our 2025 explorations and learning journey on February 25th with guest Dr. J.D. Pincus of AgileBrain, who walked us through The LA Wildfires through the Lens of Emotional Needs: Coaching in Times of Loss.  In 2024, we had Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  We explored The Relevance of EI in the Workplace and Exploring and Supporting Confidence in Our Clients, with guest, Irené Turtle, Executive and Team Coach. In August, I hosted and spoke on the topic of “Decision-Making and Anxiety in the Workplace”. We closed the year on October 22nd with guest Dr. Sohee Jun, who spoke on the topic of How to Be” vs. “Who We Are”: Confidence and Authenticity in the Workplace. If these sorts of topics intrigue you, please come join us! You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our remaining sessions in 2025, taking place in June, August and October!
 
I have also joined forces with James Garrett at BrainByDesign, where I have the distinct privilege of working with colleagues, Paula Miles and Sandra Clifton, to support aspiring female leaders in the workshop series, The Brain Science Advantage for Women Leaders. This 8-week course takes a deep dive into the brain science of habits, productivity, fear, and happiness and includes 8 live sessions with James, Paula, Sandra, and me where we dive even deeper into related issues specifically relevant to women. Check it out and join us for the next journey starting September 5th!
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of finding lasting joy – plant it, cultivate it, savor it!! Thank you for being a part of my journey!