The Inside Informs the Outside – Three Thoughts for Thursday – February 2025!

Growing from the Inside Out!

I looked to the outside world and the feedback of others to determine my inner state, to set my goals and direction, and to determine my own sense of worth for a really long time. In fact, I think the event that finally led me to stop following “shoulds” was the move to LA in 2017 that forced a reconning with anger and the actions of stifling my voice and always putting others first. This event began the journey I’m still on to listen to my inner voice, to consider my beliefs and identify those that limit me, to reframe and redefine my beliefs to better align with my values and to speak up and take charge of authoring my story forward. This journey has been one of getting curious about myself.
 
One of my favorite aspects of coaching is to explore with clients, their stories and beliefs, without attachment and with genuine and open curiosity. A gift to me as a coach is then turning this genuine and open curiosity toward myself, asking myself these illuminating questions to examine my own beliefs and stories with a third person and less judgmental (I’d say non-judgmental, but I’ll be honest here, I do my best) perspective.
 
A couple of years ago, I was asked to teach a leadership course for the leadership certificate program at my MBA Alma Mater, Seattle University’s Albers School of Business, where I serve as Adjunct Faculty. I decided to use the text a previous instructor had recently used, Mastering Leadership by Robert Anderson and William Adams. The biggest takeaway, and it was a big one, was the concept presented in the book that the inner game controls the outer game. The premise was that doing the inner work and looking inward for one’s authentic leadership, value, and foundational worth was key, and by operating from this internal space of authenticity, courage, confidence, and alignment with strengths and values, the work would be reflected in one’s outer game. Instead of looking to others, there would be an inner knowing and operating system that would create a foundation for successful leadership and well-being.

Having finished my latest endeavor of the PhD (the diploma is in the mail, and the frame awaits), I am revisiting my own beliefs and values, my own self-worth, and where it is coming from, working to really recenter and listen. I am enjoying the time of getting quiet and being still – as challenging as I find this work, I find it important work, and find that being in nature helps ground me. I am beginning to enjoy this process of knowing myself. I want to move forward in alignment, with integrity and intention, forward to have the most positive impact I can create.

Where do you find your value and worth? Who do you allow to define your sense of self and well-being? Do you look to the outside world to define you, your sense of well-being, self-acceptance, and sense of belonging? Do you create time to do the inner work, to reflect and create intention, along with well-being? How do you feel when living authentically means some people, even people important to you, may dislike you? Where and with whom do you feel most authentic? When do you feel most courageous and confident? In what spaces and situations do you feel most aligned with your strengths and values? How might you create more of these supportive spaces until you inhabit all of the spaces you enter as authentic, courageous, and confident? How would you live differently if you believed and fully accepted that the inner game or operating system informs the outer impact you are having?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

“Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak.”

~ Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati ~

“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”

~ H. Jackson Brown Jr. ~

What I’m listening to:

I Am Not I

I am not I.
              I am this one
walking beside me whom I do not see,
whom at times I manage to visit,
and whom at other times I forget;
the one who remains silent while I talk,
the one who forgives, sweet, when I hate,
the one who takes a walk when I am indoors,
the one who will remain standing when I die.

A bridge and additional offering inspired by last month’s thoughts which included Dr. Sunita Sah:Redefining Defiance: The Power of Staying True to Your Values | Dr. Sunita SahSparked with Jonathan Fields

My Thoughts:
As a recovering People Pleaser and Perfectionist, this book intrigued me, and also made me a bit uncomfortable. Okay, reading this book made me quite uncomfortable. And as one of my coaching colleagues likes to say, “Discomfort is a sign of growth,” so I kept reading. Here are a few of the ideas that challenged me or made me think and consider.
 
The book is written in a format that is different and took some getting used to for me; it is a dialogue between a young person, “Youth” and the “Philosopher.” The Philosopher uses the analogy of well water and how it stays the same temperature but feels different to us based on the exterior temperature; the water feels warm in the winter and cool in the hot summer. The Philosopher offers,
 
No, it is not an illusion. You see, to you, in that moment, the coolness or warmth of the well water is an undeniable fact. That’s what it means to live in your subjective world. There is no escape from your own subjectivity. At present, the world seems complicated and mysterious to you, but I you change, the world will appear more simple. The issue is not about how the world is, but about how you are.
 
The Philosopher and the Youth discuss such challenging topics as why people can change, the idea that trauma does not exist except in the meaning we make of it, and the idea that people fabricate anger – “The goal of shouting came before anything else. That is to say, by shouting, you wanted to make the waiter submit to you and listen to what you had to say. As a means to that, you fabricated the emotion of anger.”
 
The Philosopher offers a quote from Adler, “The important thing is not what one is born with but what use one makes of that equipment” (27)
 
“Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.” (35). This resonated with me as I often feel like being happy is wrong in some way. This year, I am challenging myself to allow for joy and to have the courage to be happy.
 
Brene Brown offers a story of tucking her child in and observing in bliss, but the bliss is quickly replaced with fear and worry. This quick jump may have once served us evolutionarily, as did fitting in with a group. I often wonder, however, what if we retrain our brain to be okay with being different and to sit in joy a bit longer?

What Amazon has to say:

An international bestseller and TikTok sensation with more than 10 million copies sold worldwide, The Courage to Be Disliked is a transformative and practical guide to personal happiness and self-fulfillment.

Now you can unlock your full potential and free yourself from the shackles of past traumas and societal expectations to find true personal happiness. Based on the theories of renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, this book guides you through the principles of self-forgiveness, self-care, and mind decluttering in a straightforward, easy-to-digest style that’s accessible to all.

The Courage to Be Disliked unfolds as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, who, over the course of five enriching conversations, realizes that each of us is in control of our life’s direction, independent of past burdens and expectations of others.

Wise, empowering, and profoundly liberating, this book is a life-changing experience that shows you a path to lasting happiness and how to finally be the person you truly want to be. Millions are already benefiting from its teachings—and you can be next.

Bonus:

Ryze Mushroom Cocoa

This cocoa kept coming up in my feeds; there must have been some indication that my sleep habits have been abysmal for, well, since just before I became a mom 12 years ago. Perhaps it is my watch always tracking my sleep and reporting my failures. As an emotional intelligence and leadership coach, I know well that diet, exercise, and SLEEP are essential to supporting our mental health and emotional well-being.

In an effort to act with more self-responsibility, to do the things that make me a better human, sleep being one of them, I decided to give this nightly ritual a try. While I still struggle to get a full 8 hours, the sleep I am getting comes quickly and is much more restful. My watch has been a bit kinder and more encouraging about my sleep habits as I’ve indulged in a cup of cocoa before bed. If getting better sleep is on your list to support showing up as your best self, give this a try!

Click here to try it and save 15%!

If you have other tips, tricks, and habits that support your sleep, send them my way! I’d love to have more ideas for getting more rest.

What I’ve Been Working On…

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at January’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Take a look at my latest post, “YOU are the MISSING Piece!” and stay tuned for an update to this piece, along with a recent and new 5^th Lesson of the Run – Humility and Adaptability!

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
As I mentioned, the stroke I had in February 2018 was a pivotal event and valuable turning point in my life; you can read more in my commemorative post. Please join me in celebrating these milestones, turning points, and calls to “winter,” by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.

I have also joined forces with James Garrett at BrainByDesign, where I have the distinct privilege of working with colleagues, Paula Miles and Sandra Clifton, to support aspiring female leaders in the workshop series, The Brain Science Advantage for Women in Leadership. This 8-week course takes a deep dive into the brain science of habits, productivity, fear and happiness, and includes 8 live sessions with James, Paula, Sandra and me where we dive even deeper into related issues specifically relevant to women. Check it out and join us as we begin a new journey March 21st!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We  kicked off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27^th, with guest, Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  On May 28^th, we explored The Relevance of EI in the Workplace and Exploring and Supporting Confidence in Our Clients, with guest, Irené Turtle, Executive and Team Coach. In August, I hosted and spoke on the topic of, “Decision-Making and Anxiety in the Workplace”. We closed the year on October 22^nd with guest, Dr. Sohee Jun who spoke on the topic of How to Be” vs. “Who we Are”: Confidence and Authenticity in the Workplace. If these sorts of topics intrigue, please come join us! You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me as we kick off 2025 with guest, Dr. J.D. Pincus of AgileBrian for the topic of The LA Wildfires Through the Lens of Emotional Needs: Coaching in Times of Loss.

Over the course of the last two years, I’ve hosted a few local, in-person events here in the Seattle area, like Savor the Sweetness and the Serenity Retreat.  If you are interested in such local events, please contact me for more information, with any questions, or to join the invite list for future events!

  If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about The Brain Science Advantage for Women in Leadership,  ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

 Wishing you a season of going inward, of staying in your own season of winter as long as you need and want to, strengthening your core to withstand exterior dislike and disapproval, of building a core that is solid and true, and a genuine knowing that allows you to own your authentic power! Thank you for being a part of my journey!