To Love and Be Loved – Three Thoughts for Thursday – February 2024

I’ve come to see and rely on the wisdom of nature, as you may have noticed evidence in the themes of many of my posts. There is a cyclical nature to the seasons that appeals to my own sense of well-being and has helped me connect my own inner work to the cadence of life. The winter months feel better, and easier to embrace if I think of them as a time to hibernate, or rather reflect, go deep, ponder, rest, restore, and get intentional. The season of winter feels less dark with this sense of purpose, meaning, and hope for what I will learn and grow next as I spend the time preparing.
 
As I mentioned last month, I used January to replenish after the holidays and to reflect on what I’ve been working on in order to begin this new year by building upon what I’ve been learning about myself and growing over the last few years. I’ve been working to reflect more consistently on life, the journey thus far, what it’s taught me, and where it has taken me. My confidence in the journey, my ability to trust the path as well as chart the path and rely on life and its feedback to redirect in case of a wrong turn, have increased my tolerance for uncertainty, as well as my courage and faith to find my way forward. I am feeling stronger, braver, and more confident as a result of my experiences thus far.
 
In January, after reflection and consideration, I chose “integrity” as my guiding theme for the year. The month of February has been a time to continue the work of defining what it means to me, personally, to live with integrity. I have been working to pause and reconsider, gain more clarity as I continue the work of knowing myself and creating my authentic path, what living with integrity means for ME, and accepting that for each person, living with integrity will produce a different result. My goal in life is to become more and more myself, to live into the gifts I’m meant to offer my friends and family, my community, and beyond, to understand and harness the impact and ripple effect I have to produce the greatest good.  I am working on distilling my essence, clearing the clutter from the core of who I am if you will. I am removing impurities (“should” and limiting beliefs) and choosing that which brings out the best in me and feels most true. Feeling full on love allows us to be more adaptable and flexible, to change and grow and live more fully. Part of this journey then is understanding love; this has inspired the reflective questions I am pondering this month, and now offer to you.
 
How often do you reflect upon your journey up until now, and your journey going forward? What keeps you from reflecting? When you reflect, what are your favorite or most important moments that have shaped you? What do you love about your journey? What do you love about yourself? What do you love about your life? How do you give love? How do you like to receive love? How loved do you feel? Do you need to increase the amount of love you feel? How might receiving more love increase your ability to show up more fully and have the impact you would like to have? How might giving more love also serve to strengthen your ability to receive and have the desired ripple effect in the world? Do you have unconditional love for yourself? How might unconditional self-love support your ability to give unconditional love to others? What do you love most about this stage of life and this stage of you?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

What is the difference between “I like you” and “I love you”?

“When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily..! One who understands this, understands life.”

~ Buddha

What I’m listening to:

The Good Life Project
Jonathan Fields
How to Love and Be Loved, Episode #977
 
When the curator of the longest-running study on human flourishing, the Grant Study, was asked if there was any one factor that most contributed to a life well-lived, his answer was clear – love, full stop. In no small way, love makes a life. And, we’re not just talking romantic love; we’re also talking about the love you have for family or chosen family, for those kinds of friends who make you feel seen, heard, and held, for those you’re in community with, who share a set of common bonds, and, less obviously, for those you don’t even know but somehow find a place of compassion for, that changes both them and you, often in ways you never saw coming. 
 
But, in this day and age, these different kinds of love feel more complicated, and for many, less available. So, today, we’re bringing you a very special episode drawing upon the deep wisdom of five past guests, each expert in the space of love, relationships, and self-discovery, to share provocative, unique, and valuable insights about how to love and be loved, how to hold relationships with curiosity and allow room for growth, how to create a society-wide container of compassion, then invite everyone in, even those you struggle to like, or be in the same room with, let alone love. 
 
You’ll hear from Julie and John Gottman, who’ve been married and also researching love and relationships, both clinically and in the lab for over 4 decades together and writing mega-bestselling books on the topic. You’ll hear from Diego Perez, who most know from his online moniker Young Pueblo, on creating the space for growth. Rev. Angel Kyodo Williams will share an expansive lens on love and its connection to compassion, holding the space for difference, and liberation. And, our friend, spoken-word artist, IN-Q, shared a beautiful spoken-word piece, framed by his own experience of falling in love, wrapped with an invitation for us all to find moments to create magic.

What I’m reading:

I will admit, I haven’t yet started this book, but I’ve ordered it and I’m excited to get reading! This book caught my eye with my ponderings this month, and after my husband read it and informed me, I’ll love it!
 
I know I feel most deeply loved with I feel deeply seen, and I strive as a mom, friend, wife, daughter, and coach, to deeply see others; this is the level of connection I seek. I’ve noticed in my coaching practice, the workshops I’ve facilitated, and the courses I teach, that people are very much seeking to be seen and known. I have heard and read articles that call out the “epidemic of loneliness” occurring in our world. I’m eager to read what David Brooks has to offer to better see and be seen, or as I see it, to better love and be loved.
 
How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
By David Brooks
 
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A practical, heartfelt guide to the art of truly knowing another person in order to foster deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives—from the author of The Road to Character and The Second Mountain

As David Brooks observes, “There is one skill that lies at the heart of any healthy person, family, school, community organization, or society: the ability to see someone else deeply and make them feel seen—to accurately know another person, to let them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet we humans don’t do this well. All around us are people who feel invisible, unseen, misunderstood. In How to Know a Person, Brooks sets out to help us do better, posing questions that are essential for all of us: If you want to know a person, what kind of attention should you cast on them? What kind of conversations should you have? What parts of a person’s story should you pay attention to?

Driven by his trademark sense of curiosity and his determination to grow as a person, Brooks draws from the fields of psychology and neuroscience and from the worlds of theater, philosophy, history, and education to present a welcoming, hopeful, integrated approach to human connection. How to Know a Person helps readers become more understanding and considerate toward others, and to find the joy that comes from being seen. Along the way, it offers a possible remedy for a society that is riven by fragmentation, hostility, and misperception.

The act of seeing another person, Brooks argues, is profoundly creative: How can we look somebody in the eye and see something large in them, and in turn, see something larger in ourselves? How to Know a Person is for anyone searching for connection, and yearning to be understood.

~

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at January’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. And stay tuned for my upcoming post in progress, “You are the Missing Piece!”

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
Last year, I celebrated the 5^th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids.  I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.
 
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  I hosted the event again and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! Contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  WE are kicking off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27^th, with guest, Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who will present on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  Register today! You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our sessions in 2024!
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of unconditional self-love, fulfilling connection, seeing deeply, and being deeply seen! Thank you for being a part of my journey!