I’m still pondering strengths and weaknesses, but I also have been thinking about my values, and how they all fit together. Recently, I started doing some team-building work with a new client. We started by first discussing personal values and how those connected to their jobs, the team, the department, the organization, etc. The next workshop was then on strengths and weaknesses. The wheels have been turning as I’ve been tailoring these workshops for this particular client, and doing my own reflecting along the way.
I’ve been pondering what to do when I don’t get the results or outcomes I was aiming to achieve, and what information this gives me. I’ve been thinking about the concept from Marshall Goldsmith of “what got you here won’t get you there.” For me, I can see how my values and strengths are intertwined, and reflective of one another. I value hard work, grit, determination, humility, curiosity, and strength. These are also some of my strengths.
I’ve been thinking about my own strengths and values and moments when I’ve had to reconsider my beliefs, to be brave enough to see that some beliefs had been held for a reason but are no longer serving me; worse, those moments when I’ve seen a belief I’ve held has been holding me back from who I am yearning to be.
I am noticing that life changes us and prepares us for what is coming next if we let it. We grow and change and are met with new opportunities and new challenges. I keep thinking about how I value work ethic, and then how I would identify a couple of my strengths as determination and grit. I have been thinking about how perhaps my determination keeps me from quitting even when I know deep down that I’m following the wrong path. I keep thinking that sometimes changing gears or paths is the right answer, is the right choice to obtain the bigger picture purpose and goal. I am pondering how I can hold a purpose as my guiding light rather than set goals that may or may not actually serve my purpose. I’m thinking about how I might even hold my purpose lightly and let life’s lessons continue to provide information and refinement, how I might allow life to guide me and help me see how the pieces fit together rather than trying to insist on what order or what shape the pieces go together. Big thoughts and questions!
My word for the year this January was “Align.” As a coach, I strive to support clients to align their purpose, goals, personal life, professional life, and emotions, to operate from wholeness. I am refocusing on this word as I reflect this August and strive to continue to realign and differentiate when my gift of determination may not be serving me. When my purpose may best be served by being held lightly, by allowing, by giving myself over to the flow of life, and not trying to control each and every aspect. Perhaps rather than trying to write the next chapter, I can tell the story of the next chapter based on what I’m given, not based on what I want. Hmmm…am I that creative and capable? I think so!
So, this August, let’s stick with this theme introduced in July, and also consider how our values are intertwined. Let’s return to this question – what are your values? What are your strengths? When has life asked you to revisit them, reconsider them, and/or redefine them? How are they intertwined or connected? How have they changed over the course of your life? What insights do they give you about your own sense of alignment and purpose? Does your alignment feel off? What does this tell you about your values and strengths? Is it time to reconsider your values and strengths? Is life asking you to level up?
Photo by Anna Earl on Unsplash
Quote I’m pondering:
Hustle
Align
Destroy the idea that you have to be constantly working or grinding in order to be successful. Embrace the concept that rest, recovery, and reflection are essential parts of the programs toward a successful and ultimately happy life.
~Author Unknown
Photo by Karen Maes on Unsplash
What I’m listening to:
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Turn Anxiety Into Power: A 3-Step Process to Master Your Emotions with Dr. Luana Marques
In this episode, Harvard professor Dr. Luana Marques is going o teach you 3 simple steps to turn anxiety into power. And she’s not fooling around; in the first few minutes, she even called me out.
If you want to be more successful and effective in getting what you want out of your life or career, learning how to master your emotions, especially in difficult situations, is an essential skill. And Dr. Luana is a sought-after expert who will teach you how. In major life changes crush you with overwhelm and anxiety, this is for you. If stress and frustration are holding you back at work, you need her three-step method.
You’ll learn to:
- Stop running away from your feelings
- Silence your self-doubt
- Figure out what’s most important to you (so you can run toward it)
- Jump into new situations using a powerful metaphor
My thoughts and takeaways:
Dr. Luana Marques on a Value-Driven Life talks about making bold moves and integrating every aspect of your life, creating space for integration, and living 100% value-aligned. Values are intrinsic motivators, our compass in life – integrity, family, religion. In transitions, our values are questioned – what matters most. The ambition was the value that got her out of poverty, but then, one day, I was no longer serving her. She discusses a stroke-like experience that was rock bottom. This moment in her story spoke to me and the stroke I had 5 years ago that I chalked up to being a migraine, and that also called me to realign with my inner voice and values. She notes she was living an emotion-driven life rather than a values-driven life, and it created so much discomfort. To determine her values in that stroke-like moment, she leaned into the pain and got curious. She also notes the importance of making space for discomfort.
One of my favorite moments in the podcast was when Dr. Luana Marques noted, “When things are unclear, during transitions, in a boat, choppy waters – you need to drop an anchor. The anchor is comprised of your values, then you can decide where to sail. Values are the real anchors in life.” She also noted the importance of these three steps in understanding and exploring transitions:
Dr. Luana’s 3 Steps for transitions and anxiety –
- Shift
- Approach – lean into the pain
- Align – actions and values
Photo by Chris Yang on Unsplash
What I’m reading:
Willpower Doesn’t Work: Discover the Hidden Keys to Success
By Benjamin Hardy
This title spoke to me as I am a person who applies grit and determination to overcome obstacles. What if these don’t work? What if willpower doesn’t work??? Yikes! What new strengths might I need to uncover to continue on my path to uncover and fulfill my purpose? How might reconnecting and reconsidering my values allow me to find new strength?
What Amazon has to say:
We rely on willpower to create change in our lives…but what if we’re thinking about it all wrong? In Willpower Doesn’t Work, Benjamin Hardy explains that willpower is nothing more than a dangerous fad-one that is bound to lead to failure. Instead of “white-knuckling” your way to change, you need to instead alter your surroundings to support your goals. This book shows you how.
The world around us is fast-paced, confusing, and full of distractions. It’s easy to lose focus on what you want to achieve, and your willpower won’t last long if your environment is in conflict with your goals–eventually, the environment will win out. Willpower Doesn’t Work is the needed guided for today’s over-stimulating and addicting environment. Willpower Doesn’t Work will specifically teach you:
- How to make the biggest decisions of your life–and why those decisions must be made in specific settings
- How to create a daily “sacred” environment to live your life with intention, and not get sucked into the cultural addictions
- How to invest big in yourself to upgrade your environment and mindset
- How to put “forcing functions” in your life–so your default behaviors are precisely what you want them to be
- How to quickly put yourself in proximity to the most successful people in the world–and how to adapt their knowledge and skills to yourself even quicker
- How to create an environment where endless creativity and boundless productivity is the norm
Benjamin Hardy will show you that nurture is far more powerful than your nature and teach you how to create and control your environment so your environment will not create and control you.
You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here. If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at July’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb. You may also be interested in my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit.
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
I recently celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie and special time with my kids. I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones, and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life.
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness. It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I am thinking I need to make it an annual event! Stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. Please join me for sessions in June and October to continue the EI learning and growth journey. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Wishing you a season of alignment, revisiting and uncovering the core of who you are, and defining how this essence, these values, will lead you forward!
Photo by Ricardo Viana on Unsplash
Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching 