Courage to Sit in the Stillness – Three Thoughts for Thursday – October 2024

Pausing and Conjuring Courage to Sit in the Discomfort of Stillness

I am excited to share with you that I have successfully completed my Formal Oral Review, and my dissertation has been officially approved by my Ph.D. Committee. And now, I wait… My dissertation is now in the hands of the proofreader before publication and the official conferral of the degree of Ph.D. Phew! All I can compare it to is pregnancy and giving birth; more on that in an upcoming blog post, to be sure!

I am in this stage of waiting and I find it very uncomfortable! I also know from my past, that this discomfort has generally meant I hop to the next goal as soon as I’ve completed another, never allowing myself to savor the accomplishment, nor to think about the discomfort of pausing, to consider why I feel compelled to keep achieving, and to align action with a greater, overarching purpose. You can read here, my early post entitled “The Climb” and the next one, “The Top!” as evidence of my learning journey around goals and pausing; the journey continues!

One of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given, I received six and a half years ago in the form of a stroke. This was a turning point for me when I stopped following the “shoulds” of others offering their advice on the direction of my life and the activities with which I filled my time. It was this pause that allowed me to hear my inner voice, to connect with an inner knowing of who I am, my purpose, how the challenges of my earlier years had so perfectly conditioned and shaped me and were my gifts, my roses, rather than my thorns. This pause, along with the inspiration I continue to receive from my kids put me on the path of the Ph.D. and gave me clarity to move forward with purpose.

So, now that the Ph.D. has been completed, except for those final little official details, I am reflecting on the pause the stroke inspired and how it served to prepare me for the Ph.D. journey. I am owning the learnings and the value of that pause and taking a moment to be still again, sit with the discomfort, get quiet, and listen for the next steps from within. I am waiting to gain clarity on the next steps that truly align with my purpose and vision of writing, coaching, teaching, and creating lasting connections and belonging through emotional intelligence. I am calling on courage to keep myself from succumbing to anxious action, and instead, I am waiting for confident action that will take me in the direction I am meant to travel. I am also challenging myself to sit in the space of celebration, to linger in the joy of accomplishment a bit longer, too; this has been quite challenging. This is another space where my kids teach me so much! My son Ben was the first home to greet me after my FOR, and as he walked up the driveway after school, he had a great smile on his face. He flung his arms wide as I walked his way for the best congratulatory hug! He started talking of the party we must have and took my picture, which I then used to announce my successful completion of the formal oral review. What a gift to be reminded to celebrate, to be joined in celebration!

Think of a time you were at a crossroads in your life. Did you heed the external advice of others? Did you listen to your intuition and inner voice? How did it turn out? What did you learn? How do the lessons of then still serve you today? Or did you learn to approach a crossroads differently the next time? How did this learning shape the next crossroads you faced? How do you sit in the discomfort to act with clarity and intention? How do you know if it is courage or fear guiding you forward to action? How has your courage shaped your confidence and your process of facing a big decision? Finally, how do you celebrate the end of a success in your journey before moving on to the next stretch of the road? How might you allow yourself to celebrate a little longer?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

“When we are willing to stay even a moment with uncomfortable energy, we gradually learn not to fear it.”

~ Pema Chodron

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

~ Nelson Mandela

What I’m listening to:

Episodes from September 26, 2024, October 2, 2024 and October 9, 2024 popped up when I searched my Overcast podcast app for courage. With just a little investigating (reading the episode highlights), I knew these were just the podcasts I needed to hear. Clearly even as they are titled, the second two with the “Listen Again” duly noted, these were meant for me! Running, cooking, and baking are intentional activities that help me remain quiet and still.

Letting Rest Do the Work – September 26, 2024

Is there something you’re trying to get done? Something you really, really want, but you’re struggling?

While our culture teaches us to “never give up the struggle,” in this episode of The Gathering Room, Martha is talking about how taking breaks and allowing for rest can lead to unexpected improvements and breakthroughs.

….

If you’d like to learn how to get the kind of rest that leads to magical breakthroughs – Martha’s favorite ways include sleep, laughter, puzzle-cracking, and more – be sure to listen to the full episode. You’ll be able to take a restful break as she leads you in her favorite meditation.

Listen Again: There’s Less to Do Than You Think – October 2, 2024

In this episode of The Gathering Room, you’ll learn how little you really have to do. If you think that sounds too easy, change what you think, not what you do. Come see how! (Originally aired: January 8, 2023)

Listen Again: Igniting your Purpose – October 9, 2024

Some people have a bullseye picture of their purpose in life and are headed straight toward it. However, this is extremely rare.

Why?

Martha says it’s because we live in a culture dominated by left-hemisphere thinking, which pulls us toward anxiety and socializes us to do as we’re told and acquire material wealth.

In this episode of The Gathering Room podcast, Martha talks about following your curiosity to activate the right side of the brain, which is where our passion lives. And our passion is what leads us to our life’s purpose.

If you want to start looking for things that draw your attention (rather than push yourself toward the things you think you should do), and you’re ready to prepare yourself to follow your curiosity wherever I leads, tune in to the full episode – it may contain just the spark you need!

What I’m reading:

1. The link Haidt makes between the latchkey parenting of the 1980s and how it led to helicopter parenting
2. The concept that with quicker reporting of crime, we have the illusion that crime has gone up
3. With this idea that the world is a scary, bad place, people decided to keep kids indoors and giving them tech was the answer when in reality, there was very little knowledge of the internet worlds/playgrounds where these children began to play
4. Creativity is needed, and boredom is key to strengthening our creativity
5. I noticed how my own anxiety has risen, how my own ability to focus has shrunk, and my ability to endure discomfort and boredom has been challenged
6. I also noticed how peer pressure is still relevant for adults, including parents. It is still challenging to be the parents who have different rules, to be the parents whose kids may not have what other kids have, like a smartphone. It still takes courage to choose a different path.

I can see how my own perception of the world has shifted as I’m constantly inundated with news. I remember in my childhood days, if a child went missing, you didn’t know much about it unless a photo appeared on a milk carton, but which point it was too late. Now, the notifications and Amber alerts are seemingly constant, the avenues from which we receive news are numerous, and the world does indeed often seem scary. I know I’ve had to check my fear, especially when it comes to parenting, on many occasions. I also know, looking back on my childhood, that it was the times I was given permission to take responsibility, to take risks, to stretch my abilities that gave me a sense of personal satisfaction, that developed in me, confidence in my abilities to overcome, and these are aspects that have been important to allowing me to take on challenges, to endeavor to push myself, to believe in the goodness of others, and to be the goodness in the world. For those things, I am grateful, and for my children, I want them to know what it feels like to overcome challenges, ask for help, stretch in the safety of their childhood, where they can more safely fail, where I am there to pick them up when they need a hug, and where they can learn to believe in themselves and their ability to persevere.
 
What Amazon has to say:
 
THE INSTANT #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A must-read for all parents: the generation-defining investigation into the collapse of youth mental health in the era of smartphones, social media, and big tech—and a plan for a healthier, freer childhood.

“Erudite, engaging, combative, crusading.” —New York Times Book Review (Editors’ Choice)

“Words that chill the parental heart… thanks to Mr. Haidt, we can glimpse the true horror of what happened not only in the U.S. but also elsewhere in the English-speaking world… lucid, memorable… galvanizing.” —Wall Street Journal

“[An] important new book… The shift in kids’ energy and attention from the physical world to the virtual one, Haidt shows, has been catastrophic, especially for girls.” —Michelle Goldberg, The New York Times

After more than a decade of stability or improvement, the mental health of adolescents plunged in the early 2010s. Rates of depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide rose sharply, more than doubling on many measures. Why?

In The Anxious Generation, social psychologist Jonathan Haidt lays out the facts about the epidemic of teen mental illness that hit many countries at the same time. He then investigates the nature of childhood, including why children need play and independent exploration to mature into competent, thriving adults. Haidt shows how the “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism. He explains why social media damages girls more than boys and why boys have been withdrawing from the real world into the virtual world, with disastrous consequences for themselves, their families, and their societies.

Most important, Haidt issues a clear call to action. He diagnoses the “collective action problems” that trap us and then proposes four simple rules that might set us free. He describes steps that parents, teachers, schools, tech companies, and governments can take to end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood.

Haidt has spent his career speaking truth backed by data in the most difficult landscapes—communities polarized by politics and religion, campuses battling culture wars, and now the public health emergency faced by Gen Z. We cannot afford to ignore his findings about protecting our children—and ourselves—from the psychological damage of a phone-based life.

A New Journal I’m Enjoying:

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You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at September’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Take a look at my latest post, “YOU are the MISSING Piece!” and stay tuned for an update to this piece, along with a recent and new 5^th Lesson of the Run – Humility and Adaptability!

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
Last year, I celebrated the 5^th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids.  I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.

Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  I hosted the event again and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! Thank you to all of you who attended June 8^th for the Serenity Retreat.  Contact me for more information, with any questions, or to join the invite list for future events!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We are kicked off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27^th, with guest, Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  On May 28^th, we explored The Relevance of EI in the Workplace and Exploring and Supporting Confidence in Our Clients, with guest, Irené Turtle, Executive and Team Coach. I was host and speaker for our August 27^th session, “Decision-Making and Anxiety in the Workplace”. We will close out the year on October 22^nd with Dr. Sohee Jun as our guest, as she joins me for a fireside chat-style talk about “How to Be” vs. “Who We Are”: Confidence and Authenticity in the Workplace. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our remaining sessions in 2024, and stay tuned for 2025!
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Wishing you a season of reflection, rest, celebration, and courage to pause, be still, and deeply listen! Thank you for being a part of my journey!