On Originality – Three Thoughts for Thursday – September 2024

~ Originality ~

I’m preparing to finish the long journey of the PhD and reflecting on what I’ve learned and gained. The learnings are numerous! One learning that has been sitting with me is the value of our differences. I’m convinced everyone has a story to tell, a dissertation in them, a valuable lens to share that offers insights, and a unique take on the world. Getting a PhD is one way to offer that lens to others, and a way to illuminate the voices of others.
 
My study has involved working with a school district to understand the experiences of elementary school educators tasked with implementing and integrating social and emotional learning. My own unique lens sees how emotions might serve as our universal language and allow us to connect on a human level, below the aspects such as religion, color, race, and socioeconomic standing that often divide us. This ability to accept and understand our emotions to connect on a human level, in turn, can create opportunities to expand our own capacity for being human, and our understanding and capacity for other humans in a way that, I think, has the potential to create space for each of us to aspire to be the best version of our unique, original selves. I believe our world has complex needs and problems, and we, as complex beings, have a better chance of solving these needs and problems if we stop trying to all be the same and lean into what makes us different. Different lenses produce the environment to find clarity, originality, and creativity.
 
I’ve also learned from the inspiration of my oldest child starting his educational journey years ago now, which inspired my doctoral quest, that as a parent, I aspire to help my children to become, to hold onto their voice and unique characteristics, their originality, to grow into the people they are meant to be without me trying to curate their journey based on my own plans and ideas of who they ought to be. I am inspired by them and encouraged by them to hold on to my own curiosity and explore with them the world through their eyes. I am inspired by their courage, bravery, unique gifts, strengths, and interests, and I am grateful for the lessons they teach me regularly.
 
As I prepare to offer up my lens through the publication of my research study and culminating dissertation, I challenge you to consider your lens. I challenge you to offer your lenses where you have opportunities to do so and to try out the lenses of others to seek new ways of seeing. I ask you to consider your unique qualities, your unique voice and lens, and what makes you original.

What are your strengths and unique offerings to the world? How do you allow yourself to further explore who you are, and what has shaped you? What is your lens that has been uniquely shaped by your experiences and outlook? Why and how might your lens be valuable? How often do you put yourself in a position to look through other lenses and dare to upgrade your lens to provide you with better vision and clarity? How might you seek to look through new lenses more often? How do you use your voice and your unique strengths to make a difference? How do you create space for others to be authentic and true? What supports you in becoming the best version of the authentic you? What might you gain, and what might you give if you dare to have the courage to fully live into your gifts?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

“You do not have to feel truer than others in order to be original. You just need to be different and keep aspiring to be a better you.”

~Toba Beta

“The authentic self is the soul made visible.”

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

What I’m listening to:

Alison Gopnik is a developmental psychologist who studies children’s brains. She talks with Maya about how kids’ exploratory approach to problem-solving can show us how to better tap into our creative potential. Alison refers to kids as “humanity’s research and development department, interacting with the world as one big science experiment”
 
My takeaways: 
 
There is a link between fostering creativity and originality. Parents create the environment for kids to take risks, to be themselves, and to thrive as authentically themselves. Children are wired differently, to solve different challenges than adults. Adults focus on exploitation, while kids are trying to figure out how the world works and explore. Kids are designed to explore! Through this lens of a child’s purpose being to explore, what we may see as system “bugs” in kids can actually be reframed as important “features.” Children have a broader focus of attention that is better for exploring. Their impulsivity, willingness to take risks, and curiosity are great if you want to learn.
 
There are many different types of cognitive abilities, and there’s a trade-off; the things that make you good at learning might be in tension with things that make you good at acting, for example. When do you dial up one aspect and dial down another? The length of childhood correlates to the complexity of the being in biology; humans have the longest “protected” childhood. Gains only come with the aspect of protection that allows you to explore; this creates a greater sense of possibility. Adults and the learning trap – you assume you know how things work, so you don’t experiment and limit the possibilities, committing to a narrow view of the world. Example – getting on airplane, bad flight, as a result, refuse to get on another airplane – will never learn that most of the time flights are fine. Go out and do the thing you’re afraid of; kids do this, and they try again.
 
Dare to embody a childlike state – practices like travel, stepping out of your comfort zone, and keep learning. Consider the job of parenting as either the carpenter or the gardener:

 

What I’m reading:

What Amazon has to say:

The number one New York Times best seller that examines how people can champion new ideas in their careers and everyday life – and how leaders can fight groupthink, from the author of Think Again and co-author of Option B.

With Give and Take, Adam Grant not only introduced a landmark new paradigm for success but also established himself as one of his generation’s most compelling and provocative thought leaders. In Originals he again addresses the challenge of improving the world, but now from the

perspective of becoming original: choosing to champion novel ideas and values that go against the grain, battle conformity, and buck outdated traditions. How can we originate new ideas, policies, and practices without risking it all?

Using surprising studies and stories spanning business, politics, sports, and entertainment, Grant explores how to recognize a good idea, speak up without getting silenced, build a coalition of allies, choose the right time to act, and manage fear and doubt; how parents and teachers can nurture originality in children; and how leaders can build cultures that welcome dissent. Learn from an entrepreneur who pitches his start-ups by highlighting the reasons not to invest, a woman at Apple who challenged Steve Jobs from three levels below, an analyst who overturned the rule of secrecy at the CIA, a billionaire financial wizard who fires employees for failing to criticize him, and a TV executive who didn’t even work in comedy but saved Seinfeld from the cutting-room floor. The payoff is a set of groundbreaking insights about rejecting conformity and improving the status quo.

My takeaways:

• On Creative Destruction: “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ~ George Bernard Shaw
• original, n. A thing of singular or unique character, a person who is different from other people in an appealing or interesting way; a person of fresh initiative or inventive capacity.
• “The hallmark of originality is rejecting the default and exploring whether a better option exists. The starting point is curiosity: pondering why the default exists in the first place.” (7)
• Prodigies are hindered by achievement motivation (drive to succeed + fear of failure). The more you value achievement, the more you dread failure, so you start focusing only on the guaranteed successes
• “Originality is an act of creative destruction.” ~ Joseph Schumpeter
• Advocating for new systems generally requires the destruction of old systems and a willingness to rock the boat
• Grant’s reflections on emotions – overcoming fear and apathy are key, calming down isn’t the best way to manage anxiety, venting backfires when we’re angry, and pessimism can be more energizing than optimism as it keeps curiosity alive
• “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it… The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” ~ Nelson Mandela

~

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at August’s Three Thoughts. You may also be interested in reading my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit. Take a look at my latest post, “YOU are the MISSING Piece!” and stay tuned for an update to this piece, along with a recent and new 5^th Lesson of the Run – Humility and Adaptability!

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
Last year, I celebrated the 5^th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids.  I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life. I will forever be grateful for my stroke and the path of integrity I found in its wake.

I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  We are kicked off our 2024 explorations and learning journey on February 27^th, with guest, Dr. Heather Backstrom, author of Collaborative Confidence, who presented on “Using Stakeholder Mapping to Help Clients Enhance Self-Awareness.”  We will finish out the year on October 22^nd with guest, Dr. Sohee Jun, who will offer her insights on “How to Be” vs. “Who We Are”: Confidence and Authenticity in the Workplace. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend these sessions. Please join me for our remaining sessions in 2024!

Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  I hosted the event again and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! Thank you to all of you who attended June 8^th for the Serenity Retreat.  Contact me for more information, with any questions, or to join the invite list for future events.

If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!

Wishing you a season of originality and courage, of leaning into your gifts, sharing your unique lens, and using your voice! Thank you for being a part of my journey!