Three Thoughts for Thursday – October 2023

Fog – Seeing and Being Seen, Navigating Forward

This month I’m pondering the lessons of fog, how fog keeps light from traveling as far, reflects light back, makes it hard to see the road ahead, and also makes it hard for one to be seen. I recently went to Hood Canal with a dear friend from Los Angeles. Of course, I run wherever I go, and I was looking forward to running new roads and trails in nature, especially this time of year with all the beautiful fall foliage. While I had packed my headlamp, I decided I’d be indulgent since I was away and in a new place, and I made the decision not to run in the dark. I let myself “sleep in” and didn’t go out to run until the sun was up, leaving my headlamp behind and heading out in the early morning dawn.
 
I had mapped my route the night before after getting lost several times in our explorations post-arrival, both in the car and as we explored on foot. The moment I left our Airbnb, I decided to make a change and to run the route backward. I headed down the hill towards the water first rather than saving what I knew would be a very challenging uphill at the end of my run. I would still have an uphill climb, but I told myself it was stretched out over a greater distance, so it wouldn’t be as steep. I’m not sure what meaning I might make that I chose the quick descent and the longer slog back up; I’ll save that for another day of pondering. Down the hill, I went, and as I descended, I found myself encapsulated in fog. It was early, and the road was thankfully quiet as I wound down the hill, turn after turn, without much shoulder or visibility. I had planned to run along the water in one direction before looping back and heading in the other direction towards a tiny town called Union.
 
On this road along the water, there were cars. I ran against traffic to give myself the best odds of seeing any danger and only wore one AirPod so I could hear the cars approaching from a reasonable distance. At one point, I had to move to the other side of the road, running with any potential traffic. I heard a car behind me and moved aside, then as I moved back, another car I hadn’t heard was right behind, the noise of the second car obscured by the first. I gave myself a good scare as I made the discovery and leaped out of the road and back onto the narrow shoulder, my heart pounding. I found myself wishing I’d brought my headlamp not to improve my view but to provide light for cars to see me perhaps a bit better.  I have been considering that fog lights are designed to cut through the fog while fog typically causes light to reflect to bounce back. I have been pondering the importance of this phenomenon, the reminder that the work starts within to develop a light, a fog lamp, to shine through foggy situations in life.
 
This experience has had me thinking of the fog of stress, busyness, and anxiety that I often find myself living in and in which I know many others also reside. This fog which I go through in everyday life often has me on high alert, striving to listen and look for every danger while also missing things along the way that provide quite a scare back to reality. I will also note that the fog had me being more careful and observant, and I did get to see in the quiet morning fog, seals’ heads bobbing and swimming in the waters.
 
The next morning, I ran again; this time, I took my headlamp.  There was no fog on this second day. The fog of the previous morning, however, had me paying more attention to the road, to the beauty surrounding me, the colors and sounds, and to the dock full of seals sleeping as I ran past. I was grateful for the clear morning and clarity. I am wondering if the literal fog was just what I needed to help me pay attention to the fog in which I tend to walk around (race is probably more accurate than walking). I have been keenly aware of how the meditations and breathwork I do help me to slow down and clear the fog, to make space to see what is in front of me as well as what is just ahead. I have also been realizing as much as I strive to see in front of me, I have this deep longing to know I’m seen.

This month, I am appreciating both the fog and the clarity that came after it, both the slowing down the fog required of me to see forward and the gifts of clarity and observation the fog revealed the next day. I am also feeling grateful for the moments when I feel truly seen and safe. I am taking in the colors and also sitting in the discomfort of not always being able to see ahead, observing my faith in the path, the trust I put in myself and others, and the need to remain calm and quiet to find my way forward. I am learning from both the fog and the clarity that comes when it lifts, rushing neither circumstance but observing and learning. I am thinking about fog lights and how they are specially made differently to penetrate the air made thick with water droplets. I am considering how I might develop my own fog lights through this new appreciation of the fog and of the clarity and gratitude that comes after the lift.
 
This October, are you doing life in a fog? What is causing the fog? If you’re not experiencing it now, have you experienced the fog of stress, anxiety, fear, and busyness? What gives you clarity? How do you comfort yourself, reassure yourself, as you sit in the fog of life and wait for it to clear? Do you wait for it to clear, or have you done the inner work to develop a fog light? How might you leverage your time in the fog and your time in clarity to create the perfect set of fog lights to help you find your path regardless of the weather? What inner work might you do to emanate the right kind of light, the fog light, to illuminate your way even in uncertainty and the fog of stress, anxiety, fear, and busyness?

Quote(s) I’m pondering:

“A writer—and, I believe, generally all persons—must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.”​
— Jorge Luis Borges

“Study nature, love nature, stay close to nature. It will never fail you.”​
— Frank Lloyd Wright

What I’m listening to:

First Person Plural: EI and Beyond with Daniel Goleman
 
First Person Plural: Emotional Intelligence & Beyond, brought to you by Key Step Media, is a podcast about us, the systems we’re a part of, and how we create an emotionally intelligent future. Co-hosted by New York Times best-selling author Daniel Goleman, Hanuman Goleman, and Elizabeth Solomon this show will go beyond the theory of emotional intelligence, presenting an array of stories that illuminate how emotional intelligence is being put into action. Inspiring you to lead with more mindfulness and resilience, the show will bring you a new awareness of the systems we work, live, and create.
 
Learn the 12 emotional intelligence (EI) competencies from Daniel Goleman’s EI model, which is crucial for developing your inner capacity and impact on the world, becoming an outstanding leader, and building high-performance teams.
 
 Episode: Richard Davidson: Stress and the Brain
 
It seems like we’re all under more stress than ever before. This week Daniel Goleman and Richard Davidson unpack Davidson’s research about stress and the brain. They discuss our physiological reaction to stress and how meditation can help you develop lasting positive adaptations to these challenges.
 
My notes and key takeaways:
There were many good learnings in this podcast. A few of the things that are sticking with me are:

• Stress and fear decrease our capacity
• Stress, fear, and anxiety close down our aperture or shrink our lens
• Stress and fear also impact our resilience
• Mindset is important to resilience
• Meditation and mindfulness can help to decrease stress and increase resiliency

What I’m reading:

The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose
By Oprah Winfrey
 
My thoughts and takeaways:
 
I started reading this book but then had to return it to the library, so I used an Audible credit to buy the audio version. I LOVED listening to this book; to hear Oprah’s words in her voice and the wisdom of others in their voices, to take in the inspiring words as I went on a run or went about my day was lovely. It was like receiving an IV of fluids for my mind and soul. The path was made clear in my everyday fog of busyness and stress. I’m grateful I tried the Audible version and found a way to imbibe these transformative lessons.
 
What Amazon has to say:
“Fans of Oprah Winfrey’s TV show, or more recently her two podcasts, will have this title on their playlist for months.” — AudioFile Magazine, Earphones Award winner

Everyone has a purpose. According to Oprah Winfrey, “Your real job in life is to figure out as soon as possible what that is, who you are meant to be, and begin to honor your calling in the best way possible.”

That journey starts right here.

In her latest audiobook, The Path Made Clear, Oprah shares what she sees as a guide for activating your deepest vision of yourself, offering the framework for creating not just a life of success but one of significance. The audiobook’s ten chapters are organized to help you recognize the important milestones along the road to self-discovery, laying out what you really need in order to achieve personal contentment and what life’s detours are there to teach us.

Oprah opens each chapter by sharing her own key lessons and the personal stories that helped set the course for her best life. She then brings together wisdom and insights from luminaries in a wide array of fields, inspiring listeners to consider what they’re meant to do in the world and how to pursue it with passion and focus. These renowned figures share the greatest lessons from their own journeys toward a life filled with purpose.

The Path Made Clear provides listeners with a valuable resource for achieving a life lived in service of your calling—whatever it may be.

You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here.  If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog.  If you enjoyed this post, take a look at September’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb.  You may also be interested in my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit.

If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
 
Earlier this year, I celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids.  I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life.
 
Last September (2022), I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness.  I hosted the event again in 2023 and had a different but equally fulfilling experience; I think I will be making this an annual event! Contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
 
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA.  Please join me for this year’s final session on October 24th with guest Kevin Bush of Teams and Leaders as he shares with us how we can better Navigate Reactionary Situations and Employ Empathy in the Workplace and continue the EI learning journey.  You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
  
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to learn more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
 
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
 
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
 
Wishing you a season of embracing the fog, the courage to develop your own fog lights, the clarity that comes with the lifting of the fog, and trust in your ability to create the path forward!