In relationship to the theme of “lenses” last month and how our experiences shape how we see the world, I’ve been considering the concepts of strengths and weaknesses and reflecting on my own strengths and weaknesses. I taught an organizational behavior course last term, and we discussed strengths and weaknesses as part of our work on building self-awareness. This topic often comes up in the work I do with teams, as well as with individual coaching clients.
If you’re like me, you might find the task of naming your weaknesses easier than naming your strengths. I found this true for my class of undergrads last term and have observed this phenomenon in other classes and workshops I’ve taught, too. After I had a stroke five years ago, I gained a lot of clarity around what my strengths are and how I’ve often perceived the experiences in life that built these strengths as something to hide, to be ashamed of, as weaknesses. As I began to reconsider and get curious, to reframe and see through the eyes of others, I identified, specifically, that I am strong, fiercely determined, courageous, and resilient; I was built by my life experiences to endure, to not give up.
As I peeled back the layers and really owned my strengths, observed where they’d come from and how they had served me, I also began to see how they perhaps also hindered me from achieving things like balance, connection, rest, peace, and acceptance. I observed how these strengths had also led me to feel exhausted physically and mentally, which had led to running injuries, illness, tension headaches, and migraines caused by the relentless work ethic and lack of rest. Hmmm… Sometimes my strengths were holding me back!
I began to wonder, when people can only see their weaknesses, how can they reframe them to illuminate their strengths? I could often only see my flaws, but the stroke gave me the opportunity to revise and see the strengths in these perceived flaws. When people can see their strengths, how can they also see how they can become weaknesses? I began to ponder anew and ask myself how I can harness my own strengths and weaknesses so that I am more accurately observing my gut reactions, pausing, pondering, and making conscious choices to respond with intentionality rather than automatic reactions generated by past experiences that may not always be relevant.
As I continue to ponder and pause, consider and reconsider, and strive for intentionality and authenticity over perfection, I pose some of the questions I am asking myself to you as well. What are your strengths and weaknesses? Which are easier to name? How might you reframe your weaknesses to see the strengths in them, the wisdom beneath? How might you reframe your strengths to see the tipping point where they may do you more harm than good? What might you do to create space to respond rather than react? Who might support you by providing a mirror to help you identify and reframe your strengths and weaknesses to see the value in both and the benefit of choosing your actions and reactions with more consideration? What might support you in creating the space to pause and ponder your instincts, the gut reaction and to make more informed choices about your actions?
Quote I’m pondering:
In most cases, strengths and weaknesses are two sides of the same coin. A strength in one situation is a weakness in another, yet often the person can’t switch gears. It’s a very subtle thing to talk about strengths and weaknesses because they are almost always the same thing.
~ Steve Jobs ~
What I’m listening to:
I like to refer to myself, using a term from Brené Brown, as a “recovering perfectionist.” One of my strengths is my ability to pay attention to details, and this can also be a weakness. Details and perfection, for me, seem to go hand-in-hand, so recovering from this need for everything to be perfect, just so, has also involved owning that paying attention to details can be a strength, and can also be a weakness. Getting caught up in the details has prevented me from meeting a deadline, seeing the bigger picture, experiencing so much stress I can’t enjoy the process, etc. Another one of my strengths related to perfectionism is my determination. While determination has seen me cross the finish lines, earn A’s, and complete degrees, I can also be so determined to make something perfect or complete a task or a marathon that I sacrifice my health or time, or other experiences in life. This podcast intrigued me, and her take on people pleasing also resonated with relation to the fine line between a strength becoming a weakness.
With Sam Laura Brown
Episode 165: 5 Practical Tips to Stop Being A People Pleaser
Perfectionists have what Oprah likes to call “the disease to please.” In this episode, I’m sharing 5 practical ways you can use to stop people pleasing and a few important reminders for the journey ahead.
When we’re people-pleasing, we’re lying. It’s hard to hear – but it’s true! While people-pleasing can feel like a selfless and noble act of love, it’s really just a strategy we use to avoid discomfort and rejection. This means that the reason we people-please has nothing to do with the people we’re pleasing and everything to do with us!
In this episode, I’m sharing 5 practical tips to stop being a people pleaser. I’m still on this journey myself, but I hope this advice will help you begin to strengthen your integrity with yourself and those around you. Even just a small change in your behavior can make a huge difference!
In this episode, you will learn:
- Why people pleasing is a selfish behavior
- The real reason that we people-please
- Why it’s so important to see what people pleasing is costing you
- How to say no without making excuses
- Why it’s so uncomfortable to stop people-pleasing
- What other people will do when you stop people-pleasing, and why that’s okay
- The power of self-compassion and why it’s needed throughout this process
What I’m reading:
The Instruction: Living the Life Your Soul Intended
By Ainslie MacLeod
What Amazon has to say:
Have you ever sensed that your life has a deeper, more meaningful purpose, but you don’t know what it is? If so, you’re not alone. To help you and the millions like you, psychic Ainslie MacLeod’s spirit guides have given him a systematic approach to uncovering who you really are―and the life your soul has planned for. They call it The Instruction.
Now, for the first time, this unique teaching is offered as a step-by-step program for realizing personal fulfillment. The Instruction will take you through 10 doorways to unveil the life plan your soul created before you were even born, including:
Your Soul Age―Determining how it shapes your beliefs and behaviors
• Your Soul Type―Are you a Hunter? Thinker? Creator? What your Soul Type reveals about your true self
• Your Powers―Connecting fully and permanently with your spirit guides to create your destiny
• Your Talents―Using your past lives to enhance the present
By taking you on a journey beyond this plane, Ainslie MacLeod uses a groundbreaking system to help you unlock the secrets of your soul’s purpose, and illuminate the path of your life with The Instruction.
My thoughts:
I first checked this book out from the library when my therapist asked me if I’d read it before. I finished it too quickly, not getting to spend the time I wanted to really dig into the exercises. I ultimately rushed to finish reading in time to return the book after several renewals. I was so intrigued; I purchased the book to have a closer read and to dig into the exercises to uncover and align with my unique soul’s purpose. I strongly believe we are each here for a reason; like puzzle pieces, somehow, we fit together to create a phenomenal and beautifully whole world. I grew up with a very traditional Christian take on purpose. My views of God and beliefs in people have greatly expanded over the years, though I still firmly believe in this purpose we are here to fulfill. I remember reading Desmond Tutu’s book, Made for Goodness, several years ago and deeply appreciating the idea that within us, there is the voice of God, an inner voice of direction, if we just learn to block out the noise of the world and listen. Anything that can bring me closer to my inner voice, that will help give me tools to quiet the outer noise and squelch the “shoulds” and inner critic so I can have an opportunity to hear the voice of God, my soul’s purpose, I’m in!
You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here. If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at June’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb. You may also be interested in my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit.
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
I recently celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids. I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones, and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life.
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness. It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I am thinking I need to make it an annual event! Stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. Please join me for sessions in June and October to continue the EI learning and growth journey. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Wishing you a season of reframing weaknesses, owning and honing strengths, and choosing with the intention of activating your superpowers!
Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching 
[…] my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at July’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb. You may also be interested in my four-part Lessons of the Run series […]
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