Sometimes the stress and anxiety of life has me feeling like I’m trying to run through a fog. The fog has reminded me of the inner work I can do to develop my own fog light to see forward.
Tag: Positive Psychology
Nutrients for Life – Three Thoughts for Thursday – September 2023
When life gets heavy, hard, and/or messy, do you still take time to breathe, to see the beauty and joy, to laugh? What do you need to fuel yourself to keep going when life feels challenging? This September, I am thinking about the importance of savoring the moments that fill my cup, especially when life feels tough.
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Examining Your Values – Three Thoughts for Thursday – August 2023
What are your values? How are they connected to your strengths? How do they guide you forward and what happens when they need to be redefined?
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Strengths & Weaknesses – July 2023 – Three Thoughts for Thursday
In relationship to the theme of “lenses” last month and how our experiences shape how we see the world, I’ve been considering the concepts of strengths and weaknesses and reflecting on my own strengths and weaknesses. I taught an organizational behavior course last term, and we discussed strengths and weaknesses as part of our work on building self-awareness. This topic often comes up in the work I do with teams, as well as with individual coaching clients.
If you’re like me, you might find the task of naming your weaknesses easier than naming your strengths. I found this true for my class of undergrads last term and have observed this phenomenon in other classes and workshops I’ve taught, too. After I had a stroke five years ago, I gained a lot of clarity around what my strengths are and how I’ve often perceived the experiences in life that built these strengths as something to hide, to be ashamed of, as weaknesses. As I began to reconsider and get curious, to reframe and see through the eyes of others, I identified, specifically, that I am strong, fiercely determined, courageous, and resilient; I was built by my life experiences to endure, to not give up.
As I peeled back the layers and really owned my strengths, observed where they’d come from and how they had served me, I also began to see how they perhaps also hindered me from achieving things like balance, connection, rest, peace, and acceptance. I observed how these strengths had also led me to feel exhausted physically and mentally, which had led to running injuries, illness, tension headaches, and migraines caused by the relentless work ethic and lack of rest. Hmmm… Sometimes my strengths were holding me back!
I began to wonder, when people can only see their weaknesses, how can they reframe them to illuminate their strengths? I could often only see my flaws, but the stroke gave me the opportunity to revise and see the strengths in these perceived flaws. When people can see their strengths, how can they also see how they can become weaknesses? I began to ponder anew and ask myself how I can harness my own strengths and weaknesses so that I am more accurately observing my gut reactions, pausing, pondering, and making conscious choices to respond with intentionality rather than automatic reactions generated by past experiences that may not always be relevant.
As I continue to ponder and pause, consider and reconsider, and strive for intentionality and authenticity over perfection, I pose some of the questions I am asking myself to you as well. What are your strengths and weaknesses? Which are easier to name? How might you reframe your weaknesses to see the strengths in them, the wisdom beneath? How might you reframe your strengths to see the tipping point where they may do you more harm than good? What might you do to create space to respond rather than react? Who might support you by providing a mirror to help you identify and reframe your strengths and weaknesses to see the value in both and the benefit of choosing your actions and reactions with more consideration? What might support you in creating the space to pause and ponder your instincts, the gut reaction and to make more informed choices about your actions?
Quote I’m pondering:
In most cases, strengths and weaknesses are two sides of the same coin. A strength in one situation is a weakness in another, yet often the person can’t switch gears. It’s a very subtle thing to talk about strengths and weaknesses because they are almost always the same thing.
~ Steve Jobs ~
What I’m listening to:
I like to refer to myself, using a term from Brené Brown, as a “recovering perfectionist.” One of my strengths is my ability to pay attention to details, and this can also be a weakness. Details and perfection, for me, seem to go hand-in-hand, so recovering from this need for everything to be perfect, just so, has also involved owning that paying attention to details can be a strength, and can also be a weakness. Getting caught up in the details has prevented me from meeting a deadline, seeing the bigger picture, experiencing so much stress I can’t enjoy the process, etc. Another one of my strengths related to perfectionism is my determination. While determination has seen me cross the finish lines, earn A’s, and complete degrees, I can also be so determined to make something perfect or complete a task or a marathon that I sacrifice my health or time, or other experiences in life. This podcast intrigued me, and her take on people pleasing also resonated with relation to the fine line between a strength becoming a weakness.
With Sam Laura Brown
Episode 165: 5 Practical Tips to Stop Being A People Pleaser
Perfectionists have what Oprah likes to call “the disease to please.” In this episode, I’m sharing 5 practical ways you can use to stop people pleasing and a few important reminders for the journey ahead.
When we’re people-pleasing, we’re lying. It’s hard to hear – but it’s true! While people-pleasing can feel like a selfless and noble act of love, it’s really just a strategy we use to avoid discomfort and rejection. This means that the reason we people-please has nothing to do with the people we’re pleasing and everything to do with us!
In this episode, I’m sharing 5 practical tips to stop being a people pleaser. I’m still on this journey myself, but I hope this advice will help you begin to strengthen your integrity with yourself and those around you. Even just a small change in your behavior can make a huge difference!
In this episode, you will learn:
- Why people pleasing is a selfish behavior
- The real reason that we people-please
- Why it’s so important to see what people pleasing is costing you
- How to say no without making excuses
- Why it’s so uncomfortable to stop people-pleasing
- What other people will do when you stop people-pleasing, and why that’s okay
- The power of self-compassion and why it’s needed throughout this process
What I’m reading:
The Instruction: Living the Life Your Soul Intended
By Ainslie MacLeod
What Amazon has to say:
Have you ever sensed that your life has a deeper, more meaningful purpose, but you don’t know what it is? If so, you’re not alone. To help you and the millions like you, psychic Ainslie MacLeod’s spirit guides have given him a systematic approach to uncovering who you really are―and the life your soul has planned for. They call it The Instruction.
Now, for the first time, this unique teaching is offered as a step-by-step program for realizing personal fulfillment. The Instruction will take you through 10 doorways to unveil the life plan your soul created before you were even born, including:
Your Soul Age―Determining how it shapes your beliefs and behaviors
• Your Soul Type―Are you a Hunter? Thinker? Creator? What your Soul Type reveals about your true self
• Your Powers―Connecting fully and permanently with your spirit guides to create your destiny
• Your Talents―Using your past lives to enhance the present
By taking you on a journey beyond this plane, Ainslie MacLeod uses a groundbreaking system to help you unlock the secrets of your soul’s purpose, and illuminate the path of your life with The Instruction.
My thoughts:
I first checked this book out from the library when my therapist asked me if I’d read it before. I finished it too quickly, not getting to spend the time I wanted to really dig into the exercises. I ultimately rushed to finish reading in time to return the book after several renewals. I was so intrigued; I purchased the book to have a closer read and to dig into the exercises to uncover and align with my unique soul’s purpose. I strongly believe we are each here for a reason; like puzzle pieces, somehow, we fit together to create a phenomenal and beautifully whole world. I grew up with a very traditional Christian take on purpose. My views of God and beliefs in people have greatly expanded over the years, though I still firmly believe in this purpose we are here to fulfill. I remember reading Desmond Tutu’s book, Made for Goodness, several years ago and deeply appreciating the idea that within us, there is the voice of God, an inner voice of direction, if we just learn to block out the noise of the world and listen. Anything that can bring me closer to my inner voice, that will help give me tools to quiet the outer noise and squelch the “shoulds” and inner critic so I can have an opportunity to hear the voice of God, my soul’s purpose, I’m in!
You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here. If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at June’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb. You may also be interested in my four-part Lessons of the Run series – Endurance, Resilience, Rest, and Grit.
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
I recently celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie, and special time with my kids. I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones, and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life.
Last September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness. It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I am thinking I need to make it an annual event! Stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. Please join me for sessions in June and October to continue the EI learning and growth journey. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Wishing you a season of reframing weaknesses, owning and honing strengths, and choosing with the intention of activating your superpowers!
Three Thoughts for Thursday – June 2023 – Expanding Vision
I’ve been thinking about our different lenses and how our perceptions can change as our experiences and learnings expand, or as they contract. Positive experiences and positive emotions can help us expand our view, while negative experiences and negative emotions such as fear can cause us to contract. Over time, these experiences and emotions allow our brains to make shortcuts and this leads to biases – the brain’s shortcuts based on our experiences used to save energy. We develop blueprints as children that are stored in our unconscious. Stressful or threatening situations often are triggers that cause the brain to rely on these old blueprints. I have been wondering how we might leverage even the hardships and negative emotions and experiences to expand our vision rather than becoming myopic.
This past term, I taught an undergraduate course on Organizational Behavior and we learned about all the different traps and biases that come into play in making decisions, and how these decisions can impact team and corporate decisions, too. Our thinking directs our behavior, and our behaviors have ripple effect. Our behaviors impact others, possibly in ways we do not intend. If we don’t examine our lenses, formed by our experiences, values, and emotions and the shortcuts our brain has created, we might start bumping into people and tripping over our own feet, so to speak.
There’s a scene in a movie my mom used to love, “Doc Hollywood,” in which a woman comes to see the doctor for her blurry vision. Noting where the spot appears in her vision, the doctor observed the spot consistently moved with her gaze. He removed the glasses from her face, and cleaned her lenses. She then proclaimed with gratitude, “I’m cured!”
I’ve seen how my lenses have shifted over the years, how I’ve gained clarity with experience, and wonder how my continued journey will reshape my vision going forward. With this hindsight, I feel more eager to accept that my view will shift, and I am open to the learnings and experiences that will cultivate my lenses anew to better see the path in front of me, and to also see the path behind me with greater clarity.
I often describe coaching as like going to the eye doctor; it is an opportunity to examine your lens and to try a different lens, a few different lenses, to then decide what gives you the clarity you want and need to move yourself forward.
What experiences in life have changed and shaped how you see the world? How often do you dare to clean your “lenses”? How often do you take off your proverbial lenses and examine them for scratches? When do you know when it is time for an updated prescription? What might be obscuring your view? Who supports you when you struggle to see? What resources do you have and what resources do you need to check your vision and update your lens? How might you be more open to allowing life’s experiences to reshape your perspective?
Photo by Pourya Sharifi on Unsplash
Quote I’m pondering:
“I look at the human life like an experiment. Every new moment, every new experience, tragic or otherwise, is an opportunity to gain a more accurate perspective and helps lead me to clarity.”
-Steve Gleason
Photo by Tim Stief on Unsplash
What I’m listening to:
Eckhart Tolle: Essential Teachings
June 9, 2021
Eckhart Tolle talks with a live audience about our tendency to manufacture stories…about ourselves and others, our desperate need to be right and to make others wrong. Eckhart says having a story actually strengthens the ego and keeps us stuck. However, we don’t have to stay there. He says we can learn to shift our inner narrative, release the ego and align ourselves with the peace of the present moment.
What is sticking with me:
Eckhart advises us, “Don’t become completely taken over by knowledge. You apply your knowledge, but if you get taken over completely by accumulated knowledge, what is lost is that sense of spaciousness.” He tells us to ask ourselves, “Is there space here? Is there still a sense of space within me and between us?”
If we think we “know”, we lose our curiosity and the opportunity to learn and grow and change, the opportunity to connect. We need to be mindful of creating space for curiosity, learning, and new outcomes, the opportunity to be surprised.
Photo by Colby Thomas on Unsplash
What I’m reading:
By Daniel James Brown
What Amazon has to say:
A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
One of NPR’s “Books We Love” of 2021
Longlisted for the PEN/Jacqueline Bograd Weld Award for Biography
Winner of the Christopher Award
“Masterly. An epic story of four Japanese-American families and their sons who volunteered for military service and displayed uncommon heroism… Propulsive and gripping, in part because of Mr. Brown’s ability to make us care deeply about the fates of these individual soldiers…a page-turner.” – Wall Street Journal
From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Boys in the Boat, a gripping World War II saga of patriotism and resistance, focusing on four Japanese American men and their families, and the contributions and sacrifices that they made for the sake of the nation.
In the days and months after Pearl Harbor, the lives of Japanese Americans across the continent and Hawaii were changed forever. In this unforgettable chronicle of war-time America and the battlefields of Europe, Daniel James Brown portrays the journey of Rudy Tokiwa, Fred Shiosaki, and Kats Miho, who volunteered for the 442nd Regimental Combat Team and were deployed to France, Germany, and Italy, where they were asked to do the near impossible. Brown also tells the story of these soldiers’ parents, immigrants who were forced to submit to life in concentration camps on U.S. soil. Woven throughout is the chronicle of Gordon Hirabayashi, one of a cadre of patriotic resisters who stood up against their government in defense of their own rights. Whether fighting on battlefields or in courtrooms, these were Americans under unprecedented strain, doing what Americans do best—striving, resisting, pushing back, rising up, standing on principle, laying down their lives, and enduring.
My thoughts:
This book was a book that inspired me to open my mind, to be shocked, saddened, appalled and willing to reconsider my lens, to allow the new information and emotions to help adjust my lens and way of seeing. I remember learning in history class that during World War II, following the bombing of Pearl Harbor, the U.S. had created internment camps for Japanese in America. I didn’t fully realize what this meant, perhaps because of my age when learning about World War II, but I will also say that I think my lack of knowledge also came from the lack of information presented to me in history books in school. This book really opened my eyes to what it was like to be Japanese living in America, that they were denied citizenship, couldn’t own property, and were essentially declared guilty because of their race and out of fear. Another lesson in how fear can cloud our lenses, and a lesson in the need for curiosity and understanding, for a continuous openness to updating lenses and creating more space for change. I was inspired by the stories of men who fought for our country and our freedom despite being denied citizenship and the freedoms our country offered to others, despite the unfair imprisonment of their families. I was also inspired by the many stories of resolve and resilience to return from the horrors of war and the destruction of their lives in America, to build lives dedicated to creating a better world for others.
Photo by Azin Javadzadeh on Unsplash
You can sign up to receive my Three Thoughts for Thursday post as an email on the third Thursday of every month by clicking here. If you’ve missed any of my Three Thoughts, you can find them all on my blog. If you enjoyed this post, take a look at May’s Three Thoughts and my post, The Climb.
If you are interested or know someone who may be interested, I also offer leadership and emotional intelligence coaching and workshops. You can find more information on my website, or you can use this link to set up a free 30-minute introduction to coaching session.
I recently celebrated the 5th anniversary of my stroke with the writing of this commemorative post, a training run, flowers, pie and special time with my kids. I continued the celebration by running the Boston Marathon in April, five years after I ran the course for the first time (six weeks after my stroke). Please join me in celebrating these milestones by taking time to celebrate your own milestones, and by fully embracing the opportunities in front of you, the value in the little things, and the beauty that surrounds you in this wonderful, messy life.
Also in September, I hosted my first local, in-person event here in the Seattle area, Savor the Sweetness. It was a fulfilling experience and event, and I look forward to hosting quarterly events for local women in 2023 – stay tuned and contact me for more information or to join the invite list!
I have the privilege of hosting the Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group for ICFLA. Please join me for sessions in June and October to continue the EI learning and growth journey. You do not need to be a coach or a member of ICFLA to attend.
If you are interested in joining and co-creating these learning communities, please use the links above to find out more about ICFLA’s Emotional Intelligence Special Interest Group and the Women’s Events. I hope you will come along for the journey!
I’m always looking for new inspiration, new books to read, and new podcasts to listen to, so please send your suggestions my way or comment on this post to offer some new recommendations!
As always, thank you for your continued support and readership! Stay strong, stay brave, stay true to you!
Wishing you a season of clean lenses, clear vision, spaciousness, new ways of seeing, and illuminating ideas!
Photo by Matteo Catanese on Unsplash
Desiree Briel Rodi Consulting & Coaching 