View from the Rearview Mirror

On a Friday evening just a couple of weeks ago, I was making the drive back from Kingman, Arizona, to Las Vegas, Nevada, to catch a flight home to Seattle. I had made a very quick day trip down to pay my respects and celebrate the life of my Tio Zeke. As I drove, my heart was full of gratitude, belonging, and love. I could hear the Loretta Lynn song, ‘Delta Dawn,’ clearly in my head, a song my Tio Zeke sang to me whenever he saw me as a little girl. His nickname for me was “Delta Dawn.”

As I traveled down memory lane, I admired the beauty of springtime in the desert and the sun setting behind the layers of purple mountains. This place and its gradations of color have always made me think of what it might look like if we drained the ocean; the jagged, sharp mountains, the layers of silt and hues that hold a long history, the desert plants in all their color, sizes, shapes, and spikes. The various shades of violet, the bright, golden sun, and the desert in spring bloom were breathtaking.

From Kingman, Arizona, to Las Vegas, Nevada, the road takes you near Hoover Dam. There was a time when the road took the path across the dam until the road was reconfigured for national security reasons. Beyond the dam lies Lake Mead. While I was admiring the sun setting on the desert, the road turned, and I happened to take a look back in the rearview mirror.  There, behind me, drenched in the glow of the setting sun, was a stunning view of Lake Mead. The lake couldn’t be seen until I made this turn and looked behind me. I am so glad I looked back to see the sun hitting the water and turning it aqua blue, the green desert plants, and the layers of history showcased by the rocks and cliffs that bore witness to the eons of time.

Sometimes, I think we don’t see the beauty of the view in front of us or around us; sometimes, maybe we can’t see the complex and layered beauty of the moment until it has passed. Or perhaps the beauty becomes more evident with the passing of time and a different lens. Sometimes, we can’t see around the bend, or we can only see the beauty once we’ve turned the corner, gone around the corner, and through the twist. Perhaps these twists and turns give us the capacity and capability to see the beauty emerging behind us.

Life, growth, and change can be challenging and messy on this road of life. I know I often fail to see the good in the struggle until the struggle is over. I am getting better at trusting the process and sitting in the mess, knowing something good will come from the difficult times; nonetheless, these times are still difficult. I try to reflect on the past often enough to help me stay present and to harvest the tools and perspective the past provides to help me embrace the challenges of today, in the moment. There is, however, something beautiful that emerges when we pause to look behind us.

Deep gratitude and appreciation washed over me and brought me to tears as I thought of what I was seeing as I made my way through the desert at sunset after celebrating the life of my Tio Zeke with family and friends. I saw the beauty of the journey in the rearview mirror, my journey, as I felt the embrace of loved ones and considered the journeys we’d been on and where our paths had crossed. As I looked back through time, the view was bittersweet and beautiful, and I was able to take in the beauty surrounding me in that moment, too.

“If I love you, I have to make you conscious of the things you don’t see.”

~ James Baldwin ~

Sometimes, we need to take a moment of self-love to look deeply, to see in new ways the beliefs and habits holding us back from who we wish to be; sometimes, this involves looking back, reflecting on where we’ve been as we consider where we are and where we’d like to go.

Where do you find a sense of peace and strength? How often do you carve out time to reflect on what has been and what you hope will be? How often do you harvest from your past what you need for the future and discard what you do not need for the journey forward? Can you think of a time that felt challenging to walk through but, upon reflection, was important to your growth and the person you became or have become? How might you take more moments to view the road behind you and gain from this view, perspective, and strength? How might you see the beauty of the path behind you in a way that will inspire and set you free to live in the moment as the best version of yourself? How do time and distance allow you to view the past in a way that illuminates the treasures?

May the beauty and struggles of your past, the bittersweetness of your journey, allow you to see and embrace the beauty of today, and may today, as you reflect upon it with the passage of time, be more beautiful than you remembered.